Build the Bridges

 "The Beatitudes are an invitation to hover closer to the ground in defiance of a culture that rewards taking flight." Shannan Martin

Churches by default tend to operate like an island. They are a gathering of people with a shared idea of what worship looks like. These people are still individuals who often have different backgrounds, different political views, different opinions on the specifics but together they share a vision.

The island's main goal often becomes to grow the island. Attract more residents. It serves its members well. But it wants people to live on their island. The idea that their island is THE only island.

Every summer we see this in action through the numerous VBS options in our community. We serve our own - we create this super fun experience for the members of our island. We encourage them to bring a friend to our island. We hope they move in. Because you know, our island is the best way to Jesus.

But......you knew there was a but coming right?

I think the goal of our islands is actually to build bridges.

It's to be okay with other islands existing.

To embrace those islands.

To serve those islands.

Every summer our church hosts a 6 week reading camp and a 1 week art camp for low income kids in our community.

During the year we go to the daycare where they spend their days/afternoons and we read to them and pour into them.

This program is not for the children on our island.

Our church kids are welcome to SERVE in the program (and many do).

The program is designed to be a bridge between us and a place that is a handful of blocks from our church.

A place that for the most part is vastly different than our island.

A place in our community that has needs.

So we build the bridge. And we think of all the ways that we can strengthen that bridge. We raise funds to buy books for the kids to have at the daycare to read. We provide snacks and pizza and ice cream and all the things that kids deserve to have in the summer but these kids don't get. We tutor them in reading. We provide games to strengthen their language nutrition.

But mostly, we take time to look into the eyes of these precious children and pay attention to them.

Not because they aren't loved - they are.

But because the adults in their life are really busy holding on. Working multiple jobs. Trying to keep them fed and clothed. The adults are carrying heavy things. Sometimes when you are carrying heavy things it's hard to see.

So for a few hours each week we build this bridge and we see these kids.

We are not trying to get them to join our island.

We are merely saying "Our island is here to serve. We see your need and we are here to be hands and feet."

Our island builds lots of bridges. We feed the hungry at the soup kitchen, we deliver the lunches for the school kids who are without when school is out, we make sleeping mats for the unhoused, and so much more.

Mama Warriors, we have to grow our islands right? Our islands need people who give regularly and attend faithfully in order to build the bridges (and you know, keep the building open and buy the coffee).

But the attendance on the island should never be the goal.

It's the bridges.

I think the answer to the divisiveness we see in our community and larger country is building bridges.

Perhaps we will view programs differently if we visited the islands where the people who use them live.

Summer is great time for your kids to walk some bridges.

And on the other side, there just might be the cutest six year old your kid ever met who thinks they are the best storyteller ever.

Mirror

 “To make bread or love, to dig in the earth, to feed an animal or cook for a stranger—these activities require no extensive commentary, no lucid theology. All they require is someone willing to bend, reach, chop, stir. Most of these tasks are so full of pleasure that there is no need to complicate things by calling them holy. And yet these are the same activities that change lives, sometimes all at once and sometimes more slowly, the way dripping water changes stone. In a world where faith is often construed as a way of thinking, bodily practices remind the willing that faith is a way of life.”― Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith

I'm finding lately that I am struggling finding words for the current state of our world.

Many of us are waking up today with hearts heavy after a harsh day of violence yesterday.

It's getting harder and harder to recognize democracy and Jesus in the streets of America. News photos make me think I'm seeing a small foreign country. I've been struggling to figure out why that is so.

This week I had the privilege of being our church's volunteer to read to children in our community. I stepped into their world for a brief hour.

I told my team a few weeks ago that our goal in going into our community is not to solve the literacy problem in our community. I hope we build language nutrition, but that is not the goal.

Our goal is to earn the trust of the kids.

Because without trust, you can't build skills.

We are going to step into their world and we are going to connect with them.

We may never finish a book. We are going to stop and make space for conversation. Because conversation breeds connection.

And connection builds community.

I gave up on reading my books aloud and decided what the kids needed that day was for me to sit with them. They wanted me to hear about ALL THE THINGS.

I looked into those sweet faces and thought "wow - that's the image of God."

I mirrored for them how God sees them. "You are kind." "You are creative." "You are persistent."

That's not the story told to them by everyone. They are "too much." They are "disruptive." They are "selfish."

The world today does not tell us how God sees us.

Because when we look at each other, we don't see with the eyes of God.

We are searching for differences. Defensive in our beliefs. Divisive in our language.

And thus we begin to see ourselves in the light of the world.

I'm overweight. I'm unattractive. I'm a bad person because of something I said.

We don't offer ourselves the grace and space that God does - so how do we expect to pour that out?

How we treat people, and how we talk about people, is not political.

We have to stop being afraid of being "political" and start speaking out about how those made in the image of God are treated.

Mama Warriors, it may feel like we are raising kids in unprecedented times. But that's just not so.

History tells us many stories of times when there was unrest. Times when people wrestled with right and wrong and landed on different sides.

I want my kids to have empathy for the whole narrative.

I want my kids to remember EVERYONE they encounter was born in the image of God.

I want them to speak to others, and about others, with that in mind.

And so that is what I model.

Seek to Understand

 "The quieter you become, the more you can hear." Ram Dass

Yesterday morning I learned that the monks route had shifted and they would be walking within a half mile of my house. Peanut and I donned our walking shoes and walked up to see them walk by.

As we waited the hour in the gas station parking lot, we met so many kind people.

Peanut and I had talked about how the monks are so concerned about the divisiveness in our country that they took to action.

By putting one foot in front of the other, they are bringing awareness.

As I perused the internet last night, I learned that the rest of our community did not greet the monks with such respect and kindness.

There were people with megaphones "preaching" at them while they were talking. People with signs filled with hate. People yelling about how they were going to hell.

To say I'm disappointed in our community is an understatement.

But what I'm really saddened by is that our community represented themselves this way in the name of Jesus.

We apparently don't read the same Gospels.

If I was faithless at one of these events, I'm given the option of Buddhism which is promoting peace, love, joy, kindness, respect. And Christianity which is promoting fear, hate, judgement.

This was not a "let me tell you about my Jesus" through my respectful actions and kind words vibe.

Perhaps people are going out in droves to see the monks because they are desperate for something that looks different than the Christian Nationalism being displayed today.

In our home we have a mantra - "Seek to understand."

We want our kids to be curious and not judgmental.

Don't assume someone doesn't love Jesus because they went to see the monks.

Be curious. Seek to understand.

Look for similarities.

From a curious posture, we allow room for connections.

If you want to someone to follow Jesus, you are going to have to invest in their life. You are going to have to begin by seeking to understand. Where do they come from? What religious experiences do they have? What church trauma is in their baggage?

If you are trying to sell someone on a faith based on forgiveness and love, starting with judgement and fear seems like the wrong path.

Mama Warriors, I, like the monks, have deep concerns about the status of our community and the larger nation.

We have become a community that focuses on differences rather than similarities. We've become a community that focuses on judgement rather than curiosity. We've become a community that is breeding hate instead of love.

And thus, we are raising kids who don't know how to have hard conversations. We are raising kids who don't look first for connections, but rather begin with judgements. We are raising kids that focus more on being right than righteous.

Let's seek to understand.

Let's raise kids who seek to understand.

Christmas Challenge

 "We see what we know how to see. We also see what we want to see. Those limitations keep us from finding what we need." Monica DiCristina

Today I saw our UPS driver for the first time since the holidays. He asked "Did you have a good Christmas?"

I say yes because I think that's the right response. It's definitely the easy response. The "yes you can go on your way" response.

What I would say if our UPS driver had 45 minutes is that Christmas is at best complicated.

I'm not sure what defines a "good Christmas." If you ask most kids, the immediate thought is "did they get a gift they loved?"

So, yes I received a thoughtful gift.

If you ask most adults, you're asking "did you spend time with people you love?"

So, yes I spent time with people I loved.

Sometimes Christmas becomes this checklist. Did I go to all the things? Did I prepare all the meals? Did we show up for all the events? Was there magic made by December 25th?

So, yes. Gifts were bought. Events were attended. Magic was made.

This year I raised the bar in what I asked of myself mentally. I challenged myself to dig deeper into the advent story. I challenged myself to attend church all of the services during Advent. I challenged myself to wrestle with the story of advent in the contextually appropriate historical and cultural context.

I realized this year that Christmas is this challenge.

It is this opportunity to pause for a moment and look at the biblical story of corruption in power, of discrimination against the immigrant, the deep divide between the wealthy and the poor. The damage done when an empire is run by egotistical fear.

When we tell the Advent story in children's plays - no one plays King Herod.

King Herod's role and the subsequent role of the Magi are interconnected.

We leave him out I think because it's not pretty.

It causes us to look in the mirror.

If we only leave the "good characters" in the story, we look in the mirror and see only the good.

If we are challenged to look at the people in power, we might find a glimpse of ourselves in them. We might have to reckon with some unpleasantness amongst the lights and pretty wrapped gifts.

I think we would often like to have the AI version of Christmas. The one cleaned up, brushed off, made to look like an "All American Christmas."

Mama Warriors as you begin (or continue) to take down the decorations (unless you are Episcopal/Anglican and those babies stay up until Epiphany), I hope you hold a bit of the Christmas story year round.

I hope you feel the need to wrestle with and to think about ALL the characters in the Christmas story.

I hope you use each character as a mirror.

When you read these bible stories with your kids, ask the question- Whose story is being told? Whose is missing?

Advent's call to Action

 "The first advent revealed that leaning into God's coming justice puts people at odds with society's and religion's definitions of holiness. Advent just might make life harder." Kelly Nikondeha

A couple of years ago Peanut came to me one morning with the big Christmas question.

"Is Santa real?"

The science lover in her had been circling the question for a few years. Making hypotheses, investigating, asking questions. I always avoided answering by returning questions with questions.

Peanut is a lover of all things magical. While many little girls enjoyed playing with dolls, Peanut did not. She played with unicorns and fairies. Peanut devoured books of great fantasy such as Wings of Fire about a clan of great dragons. She developed a love for role playing games and consistently is creating new fantastical characters. Peanut's favorite Christmas movie is the NIghtmare Before Christmas.

Peanut lived into the magic of Christmas. She woke every morning to find the elf. She leaned into all the stories about Santa. I knew this question was going to shift her holiday experience.

We talked for a bit - what do you think? What would that mean if he was? What if he wasn't?

Finally I looked at Peanut and asked her if she really wanted to know the truth.

Sometimes, it's okay to tuck that little questioning nugget aside because once you know truth - it forces you to embrace it. It nags at you. It colors how you see the world.

Peanut insisted she was ready. She needed truth.

So then came the big conversation about all the things magic by the light of the Christmas tree. About the heart behind it.

And then came the total devastation of childhood.

Well- at least for the moment. Peanut flipped out. "WHY did you tell me?"

Um, because you asked?

These are the things they don't cover in the parenting books.

We worked through this new information over a few days. Then Peanut came to me and asked, "Could you just pretend I don't know?"

Being days from Christmas, I just said yes because .........December.

Last year, I explained to Peanut that we could participate in the magic fun while still knowing the truth. The elf could move and occasionally bring a Christmas treat and we could all know it was me.

And we could let other families enjoy the magic, or not, but it wasn't our place to make that decision.

As I move this little elf again this year, Snowflake is her name, I've been thinking about this idea of knowing truth.

Once I know something to be true I'm tasked with doing something with that information.

And that can feel hard and overwhelming.

Advent reminds us that truth comes with a cost.

The birth of this baby shook the political systems of the day. And should continue to shake them now.

The birth of this baby should cause us to speak up when the values He stands for are being run over by people in power.

Advent is not an ending.

It's a beginning.

A call for justice and mercy and hope and love.

Mama Warriors, I think we are all working to teach our kids truth as we know it.

I think where we may all be struggling is that truth calls us into action.

As we load the local food pantry closets, I remind Peanut - we do this because we are called to help those in need.

As we volunteer to tutor kids in reading and literacy, I remind Peanut - we do this because we are called to help those who are struggling.

As we stop and hand a blanket to a displaced person in a parking lot, I remind Peanut - we do this because we are called to help those without homes.

Advent calls us into action.

It reminds us of the mission.

ReImagine the Holidays

 "Blessed are we who work without seeing the end,

who plant seeds and trust God with the growing.

Blessed are we who find freedom in the unfinished,

and peace in the stubborn promise of hope." Kate Bowler

In the last year, our family experienced 3 deaths between Thanksgiving and Easter.

In that same time period, we moved SD's dad into a hospice facility as his dementia and health had rapidly declined.

Last year the holidays were a survival mode.

This year as we approached the holidays we had to figure out what this new normal looks like.

Our first Thanksgiving together in 1998 we attended 6 Thanksgiving events. In two days.

Over the years we've shifted what "tradition" looks like and I'll be honest, the tradition is that we don't spend Thanksgiving all together.

Let's be honest, lots of people is not everyone's cup of tea. And we don't leave every family function feeling warm and cozy vibes.

We've learned over the years that even just the 5 of us do better with outdoors or an activity than a stressful meal around the table.

This year I knew we needed a change.

We decided as a family to reimagine Thanksgiving.

We skipped the traditional Thanksgiving all together.

And it was everything our family needed this year.

I want to gift our kids a holiday season that does not feel like a burden.

I want them to never feel like a Thursday in November at 1 to eat this specific thing is what is expected of them.

I want them to have the freedom to balance all the "musts" of the holiday season.

We booked 4 days in a cabin in Helen.

We gave our kids the dates and told them they were welcome anytime just to let us know when/if they planned on coming so we could prepare for meals and activities.

Thanksgiving Day SD, Peanut and I watched the Thanksgiving parade in our pjs. We ate a leisurely pancake breakfast. We went for a wonderful walk. We *might* have eaten a very large pretzel for lunch. We grilled out hamburgers. We lounged in the hot tub. We laughed at our crazy dog.

On Friday our big kids joined us for the day. We rode the Mountain coaster (and by we, I mean them), shopped in town, attended the lighting of the Village, and lingered over a meal with live music.

Thanksgiving. Reimagined.

Mama Warriors, as many of us shift into this new season of parenthood with adults who have work schedules, friend/relationship commitments, their own visions of holidays, I encourage you not to be afraid to reimagine.

To make space for the idea that maybe time together is enough and it can look different. It can be on a different day.

The holidays are a SEASON.

Not just two days in November and December.

Maybe you ask your people what portions of the holidays are their favorite and you get that on your calendar and you let go of the expectations that holidays will look the same year to year.

Maybe reimaging becomes the new normal.

Maybe pretzels are the new Thanksgiving food.