“I know you know this, but I want to repeat that when someone(s) treats you poorly, it is a reflection of him or herself and the misery within the heart of them. It doesn’t help a bit to hear that when you’re young, but later it will.”― Virginia Evans, The Correspondent
This morning I finished listening to The Correspondent on audio book. It's a lovely book and definitely recommend it on audio versus print (which is an odd preference for me).
I think the book spoke to me because as you may know, I am a writer at heart.
In the times before the internet, I wrote paper and pencil letters to friends. Keeping the post office in business one stamp at a time. I still send cards with more than one sentence - that's my own personal rule. Make a connection.
In college I would lie on my bed and write lengthy letters to high school friends, or later college friends that had moved on.
When the big kids were little, I would pen lengthy emails to friends during nap time.
As I listened to this book I thought about what we've gained and lost as methods of communication have changed.
We can now see short status updates or pictures on facebook but those aren't personalized for me or you. Generic- "here's what we are doing."
We can now send messages via social media or cell phone texts - short blurbs or long ramblings to specific friends/family.
We can see video messages on several different platforms letting us "see" the other person and listen to their thoughts in real time.
I use all of these and enjoy getting glimpses into the days of my friends in real time.
However, I realized as I listened to this book that there's something we've lost that we used to get in letter writing.
Letters force you to sort of zoom out - big picture if you will.
In a letter you don't typically go through every movement of every day but rather "here's the big picture of what's happening - here's what is important and why."
I started to wonder if the things I worry or complain about in messages would actually make it into a letter?
Most of them probably not because the problem would be resolved or in route to resolution by the time I wrote a letter for most things.
I think technology affords us some avenues of connection but I also think it allows us to minimize our communication.
It makes us think that because we are aware of the "details" of someone's life, that we know the big picture.
Just because I know what movie you saw Saturday does not mean I know how your emotional state is doing.
But we are tricked into thinking we do.
I've been thinking about this "zoom out" perspective in other areas of my life.
We are all very caught up on arguing the details on various issues.
I think if we could zoom out, we might find that on a big picture scale we see things more similarly than not.
If we spent less time arguing about a single verse of scripture in the bible, we might have space to zoom out and discern that we both think the character of God is good.
If we spent less time debating a single issue in politics, we might have space to zoom out and discern that we both think people should be treated humanely with kindness.
Mama Warriors as we raise children in the evolving world of technology, I think we have to constantly be aware of our need to zoom out.
As we read stories with our children, let's zoom out and find the big picture ideas.
As we have conversations with our friends and family, let's zoom out and find the big ideas where common ground exists.
As we grow in our faith, let's zoom out and make space for the big mystery of God rather than trying to place God in a box with the details.
