Ordinary Time

 "Half of the Christian year is called "ordinary time," a season of prayers and readings in which not much seems to happen, where holiness is marked by the seasons of nature - summer's growth and fall's harvest. No time of expectant wonder, no miraculous birth, no piercing light, no deep lament, no Resurrection triumph. Instead, these are the weeks when the church reads stories of Jesus teaching, healing , and eating, all that is familiar and familial - the motherly presence of Christ - just ordinary time."

A few weeks ago, in a sermon, the preacher mentioned how she was swept up and loved by a church. How she may not remember the specific Sunday school lessons but she remembered how they made her feel.

I've been swirling this idea around for the last few weeks.

I was raised in a church that made me feel unwelcome, unwanted, and unloved. We literally were asked to stop attending.

I (unknowingly) raised my own two big kids in the exact same environment.

We walk a story that shares that church does more damage than good.

I've struggled with gifting Peanut church in the little c sense because Jesus is more important to me than community.

We've landed in a place where I've asked the big questions. Where I've read the stance of the larger organization they support. Where the people where t-shirts that say "No perfect people." Where the preacher every single week says "ALL are welcome at Jesus' table."

I've put ordinary time above all the flashy things that attract us to churches.

Most importantly though I've churched with Peanut in our home, in our yard, at the park, at the grocery store, in her classes. All the places. I've showed Peanut Jesus in action.

He's not limited to Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights.

I need her association with loving Jesus to not be solely based on church.

Raising kids with a large age gap has been a learning curve.

Just this morning I shared this same thought with one of mine. Peanut will never remember the specific arguments they have, or things they did (or didn't do) together.

BUT she will remember how being around each of them makes her feel.

She'll associate that feeling with them always.

Mama Warriors, maybe you, like the 5 of us, came out of church feeling more damaged than loved.

I'm sorry.

We all 5 church differently. Peanut and I are the only two who church the same way each week. I've had to accept that all my people need to find the place/way that church doesn't feel damaging, doesn't feel legalistic, doesn't feel exclusive on their own.

There will come a time I'm sure, when Peanut is old enough to want to visit with friends and find her independence, where she too might church differently than me.

While I'll miss our Sunday mornings together, I want Peanut to always chose places that make her feel the love of Jesus authentically.

I want to gift her the freedom to own her own faith and to practice it.

Because then it's hers.