Camp Chair

 "There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." Rumi

One of Peanut's favorite things about our week away was playing in the mud.

We didn't know ahead of time, but the powers at hand drained the lake at our state park. So where there once was water, there was now lots of beach area. And lots of mud.

On our last day, I looked down at the water to see this.

Peanut living her best life.

She was at times waist deep in mud. Shoes long gone. Outfit to be permanently brown.

And always ear to ear smiling.

I keep coming back to this picture (thanks to my fabulous SIL for capturing it).

I keep a list in my journal of little "mom wins." A list of things I think went right, or well, or even often struggles we repaired and learned from. This list reminds me that the one I keep in my head - of all the times I screwed up, when I didn't apologize but wanted to, when I said something before I thought - for all those things, there is this other list too.

The "mom wins" list.

This moment went on my "mom win" list this week.

I've sent Peanut the message that life is messy - and it's okay to be messy.

I'm not going to freak out, or be mad, or forget I'm the grown up simple because things are messy.

Messes can be cleaned up.

Peanut can fully be who SHE is. She's not stifling herself out of fear for how I might react.

Mom win.

I want my kids to dream big, to take risks, to be brave.

With all of that will definitely come falls, failures and messes.

I want them to know I will not be shaken by your mess.

You can live your best messy life and I'll still be sitting in my camp chair enjoying the view.

Mama Warriors, many times I think the messages our kids keep aren't the ones we are intentionally sending.

It's our reactions to their messes that resonate with them.

If we can be shaken by a little mud, what does that say about the world?

We have to be sitting in the camp chair unphased by the mess so they can be brave enough to make it.

I know

 "I'm just a girl standing before God, asking him everything. (Apologies to Notting Hill's Julia Roberts)."

A little over a week ago, Xman had car trouble in Athens. 32 miles from our home.

We shuffled cars over the last week and got his into our favorite mechanic (locals - can't say enough good things about Youth Community Garage).

As I watched as he cleaned out his car, I realized his Bible rides on the dashboard in front of his passenger seat.

It was the last thing he removed from the car.

I was thinking about this Bible that rides around with him this week as we were out of town and he was home (mostly) solo.

Recently I mentioned to him that I found his Bible verse choices on a social media site..........interesting.

He shared the verse with me (from memory) and explained why he chose it.

He said to me, "You should have asked me about it. I would have told you."

I never know what these teenagers will tell me - voluntarily or when asked. It often seems like a crap shoot based on their mood, how much sleep they've had, how fragile I manage to phrase the question, etc.

He was right though - I questioned something about him and didn't have the decency to ask HIM about it.

I was reminded we often put a lot of weight into what we SEE, rather than placing value on what we KNOW.

I know the heart of this charming, kind, always up for a good time kid.

I know he puts thought and effort into everything he does.

I saw bible verses that read oddly out of context.

I know that kid wrestles with scripture and studies it.

Mama Warriors, raising teenagers is most definitely not for the lazy.

I'll take a classroom of highschoolers over any other age group any day BUT I'd prefer to navigate a toddler tantrum over teenage angst any day of the week.

In the moments I find myself worried, frustrated, hurt or angry, I remind myself that what I SEE isn't always what I KNOW.

I SEE that kid hanging up on me in the middle of a sentence.

I KNOW that kid is respectful and responsible and struggles sometimes to express emotions in a healthy way.

I SEE that kid leaving a mess in my kitchen.

I KNOW that kid loves to cook, makes healthy choices as he cares about his growing body and sometimes has a busier schedule than he can manage well.

Let's take a step back from what we SEE and remember what we KNOW.

Jeopardy

 "Awe is why we are here." Anne Lamott

This week I had the pleasure of subbing in a government class. The students had been studying presidents and so I brought a Jeopardy President's trivia game for us to play to review what they had learned.

I asked, "Does anyone watch Jeopardy?"

To which only one student responded, "Only when I'm at my grandpa's house."

I had to explain how to play. JEOPARDY.

About a year ago, I realized that within our own home we don't all watch the SAME thing. I decided that with/after dinner we would watch Jeopardy. Everyone watching the SAME thing.

There was some pushback from the wee one who mentioned MULTIPLE times that she could just "watch something else on the tablet."

It's been interesting to watch over the last year how Jeopardy has given us common conversation. We all know which questions Xman knows from American Literature and he has all beat at anything pop culture. We know which categories SD is the best at. Peanut consistently surprises us with how many science questions she answers correctly.

There's something we've lost as a society in the age streaming. We've lost the sense of family television. One thing, on one screen that we are all watching. In the 80s, IF our TV was on, you had to watch whatever my mother wanted to watch. We've become overwhelmed with too many options. We think quantity trumps quality.

More than giving us common ground, I think there's value in learning to watch something (or participate in something) that someone else chooses.

To choose to sit WITH someone else not BY them.

We have become a society of BY people. We sit around tables BY each other and stare at our own screens. We spend the afternoon at the park BY other people listening to our own podcasts. We walk through our days BY other people, not engaging, not participating.

I think we are called to do life WITH others.

We are meant to watch what others want to watch sometimes. We are meant to talk about what others want to talk about sometimes. We are meant to participate in activities others want to participate sometimes.

Mama Warriors, I think all too often we are too far on the other end of the spectrum. We tend to always do what the kids want to do.

There's value in insisting our kids watch, discuss, and participate in things of our choice as well. Not solely, but in addition to.

That we send the message that the world, or even our own lives, do not revolve around them.

Teaching them how to think outside of themselves.

Sometimes there's a lot to learn from Jeopardy.