Access

 "Like God, we must require from people the responsibility necessary to grant the amount of access we allow them to have in our lives. Too much access without the correct responsibility is detrimental." Terkeurst

There is this weird season of parenting where the people you parent feel like the number on their birth certificate entitles them to privileges and freedom that they haven't earned.

For those of you whose kids are super compliant, your best friend, and you are sailing toward adulthood. This post is not for you.

This is for the mama's who are walking the hard steps toward graduation, toward independence, toward whatever comes next.

Maybe not just the mama's. Maybe anyone who is doing life with other people who struggle with boundaries.

One of the many waves that have been crashing around here is boundary work.

I realized in the last two weeks that while I sacrifice greatly for these young adults in our home, when they are asked to sacrifice it's as if I've asked them to live through the great depression.

I've decided that relationships that are one way streets aren't healthy for me.

Some of that is definitely the invincible, endless time stupidity of childhood.

Will they regret one day that they ate yet another meal with a friend rather than watching the Super Bowl with their dad?

Will it bother them that their mother asked them to show up for her once and they didn't?

I'm not battling these folks "making" them do what's right.

People who file taxes should know what is right. And they should chose it.

And if they don't, then they will walk the hard consequences of relationships broken just like anyone else. They will see what happens when trust is broken. They will walk hard repair. If they choose.

I've been pondering this week how one balances making their kids feel important while not making them think the world revolves around them?

The literature suggests that all of this is very normal. The whole frontal brain is not developed, self centered nonsense.

I'm pushing back.

Maybe it's "normal" to only want to chose what YOU want, but it's not okay.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too find the hardest boundaries are the ones we must set with the people who live in our own homes.

I would challenge that these are the most necessary.

We set the tone for how the relationships in their life will work.

Access comes with responsibility.

You, and I, are worthy of more. Of better.