Wait and Watch and See

 "Worship isn't a task. Worship is a response." (Liz Curtis Higgs)

I have two great nemeses. Gastro stuff and dental stuff.

In some great comedic torture, it seems most health problems I encounter fall in one or the other area.

I woke Sunday morning with significant pain in my teeth. Logical me thinks "Okay - more than one tooth so most likely not dental. Probably sinus."

As the week dragged on, my glands were swollen in my neck. A good sign - not dental right? Then I got an ear ache. Yes! - an ear infection - not dental, right?

By Thursday I had narrowed the teeth pain to one tooth and began to worry - ugh, dental?

Bless my incredible dentist who was able to see me the same day. We did all the things. Took an x-ray. Did a physical exam of the tooth. He couldn't find anything wrong with the tooth.

Since I still have ear pain and gland discomfort, he decided to treat it like a sinus/ear infection and sent me home with a prescription.

And - my favorite phrase - "We'll wait and watch and see."

In theory, the inflammation will go down after the sinus/ear infection is cleared and my tooth won't hurt anymore.

I'm not a big supporter of the "wait and watch and see" approach.

You see "wait and watch and see" involves some trust in the system.

While I love my dentist (and my PCP for that matter) - I don't have a lot of trust in the system working for ME. Remember I tend to live that asterisk life - results may vary?

I have loads of trust in the system for YOU. I encourage my friends and family not to use Dr. Google. Find providers you feel listen to you and follow their directions.

I won't bore you with my search history this week but let's just say Dr. Google says I could be dying. Always.

I am reminded today as I take my antibiotic, use the warm compresses, attempt to sip the hot beverages..........that most relationships require some trust that the other person has your best interest at heart.

Including my relationship with Jesus.

So even though I've prayed MANY prayers this week asking for healing. Even though nothing is healed currently.

I have to shift my focus and trust that this bump is part of the road.

I have to trust He has my best interest at heart.

I have to surrender that His way is always one of "wait and watch and see."

Mama Warriors, I really do feel we have too much information and not enough wisdom.

Google will tell you a lot.

It's just guessing.

We have to be people who can "wait and watch and see."

Who pray the prayers, who show up in the big and the small, who worship as a way of life.

People who can sit in the space and trust the plan.

Only Fools

 "How we tell a story is far more interesting than the story itself."

We were married in this little chapel on April 1, 2001.

April Fool's day.

I've always attested that only fools get married.

We chose this chapel for the doors. The most beautiful set of doors I've ever seen.

The first set of doors we walked through as husband and wife.

Our intention was go back annually and well, one house, 3 dogs, 3 kids, multiple college degrees and jobs later - even though it's only 40ish minutes from my house, it rarely happens.

As we approached the chapel yesterday, we could see a bridge taking her "before the ceremony" pictures.

SD jokingly asked "Should we go in and offer some wisdom?"

I've been thinking on that question. Is there any wisdom anyone could have given us that would have made the last two decades any easier? Would we have listened?

I've decided the answer to both of those is an emphatic NO.

Because...........only fools.

It takes a certain amount of blind HOPE to get married.

Hope that you'll be the people who beat the odds.

Hope that you'll be people who learn and grow.......together.

Hope that despite all the research - love is this elusive enough.

I thought about how we stood there that day on those chapel steps and we expected the best of each other.

We promised we'd be all in.

We've weathered all the things - the sickness and health, the financial struggles, the aging parents, the loss of loved ones, the birthing and raising of children, the changing of jobs, the aging house, ......the all the things.

We're not the same people who stood on those chapel steps.

That's the real struggle right?

The two kids in their late 20s made promises for completely different people in different seasons of life.

In our (very) late 40s we aren't those kids.

Somehow we have to wake up every day and remember them.

Remember the hope they had and look for it.

A friend reminded me recently that you find what you look for.

That wide eyed optimistic gal who said "I do" - she looked for the good. Always.

And she found it. Always.

She hung tight to the hope that happily ever afters exist.

Mama Warriors, as the season changes, I'm reminded that my values should drive my decisions.

I value that commitment I made on those chapel steps, behind those beautiful doors.

That value should drive what I see - I should see the good, should see the hope, should choose to remember things only fools believed.

Often I think our decisions drive our values - we chose busy, we chose our inability to set firm boundaries, we chose the path of least resistance.

And that alters the value.............

I challenge you to reverse the thinking process.

Find the value - let it drive the decision.

Be a fool.

Disney Socks

 Don’t let any evil talk come out of your mouths. Say only what will help to build others up and meet their needs. Then what you say will help those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

In October of 2008, we took our first trip to Disney World with the big kids. I can assure you that I spent more time and energy planning that trip than I did writing my master's thesis. I read guide books. I read blogs. I sat on hold at the crack of dawn to get dining reservations. I planned each park day- the route, the rides, the meals. I got the oil changed in the van, bought the kids coordinating outfits for each day. We read Disney books, watched all the Disney movies. We even started walking the neighborhood every day to prepare for all the walking. I packed car travel surprises for the kids. I had envelopes for each day - budgeted the tips for meals, the tolls, the gas, the souvenir money.

Sweet Daddy packed himself.

The day before we left for Disney, the Princess came down with strep throat. Inside the window of "it's too late to get your money back" so on we went, with her antibiotics, and a script for the rest of us should we get it too.

Upon arriving at Disney, we checked in, unpacked and got ready to head to park. And this is when we discovered that Sweet Daddy had one pair of socks. The pair on his feet. He, who wears tennis shoes all the time, had not packed socks.

I'll give you Mama Warriors a moment with that. He, who only had to pack himself, had no socks.

I handed him his souvenir envelope and off to the gift shop he went. Where he bought that pair of socks in the picture. The most expensive pair of socks that has ever come in our home. We washed the pair he had on out in the sink, and rotated those two pairs of socks for 9 days at Disney.

As I was doing laundry yesterday, that pair of socks came through the dryer. And I laughed. As I do every time I wash, dry and fold that pair of socks.

That pair of socks reminds me that I have the choice to CHOOSE how I respond in the moment.

Words are powerful gifts to the ones we love. We can deliver them like pretty presents with bows, or we can throw them harshly like blocks knocking down a tower.

We either give grace and build up, or we react and destroy.

That pair of socks reminds me that a moment doesn't have to become a lifetime.

I don't define that trip by the forgotten socks, but rather by the look on the Princess's face the first time she saw Cinderella, and the joy on the Xman's face as he discovered the adventure of roller coasters, or the sight of Sweet Daddy and both kids snuggled up on the bus ride back to our hotel at the end of the day.

Mama Warriors, Proverbs 12:25 says "Worry makes the heart heavy. But a kind word cheers it up."

When our people mess up, they already feel it. They don't need our hateful words to "learn" a lesson. What they need is to be loved where they are, for who they are. To be given grace. To be offered encouragement and support. To be told they are fearfully and wonderfully made and that this mistake does not define them.

Don't let a moment become a lifetime. Choose to build your children up as carefully as a preschooler builds their first tower - with each block carefully chosen, choose your words carefully. Give yourself grace for those moments you weren't the Mom you wanted to be. Don't let a moment become a lifetime.

Published 10/13/2016

Bad Dreams

 "The most important thing in our belief system is not our behavior. It's the roots."

One morning last week I opened my eyes to the Peanut standing over me hysterically crying.

"Mama - I had a bad dream. It was REALLY bad."

I pulled her into bed with me. I reassured her. Just a dream. She's safe. She's loved. She's okay.

She wanted to tell me every detail of the dream.

I'll confess - I wanted to go back to sleep.

I finally accepted that she needed to say all the bad things out loud. She needed to tell me what she believed was true.

Even if it wasn't.

She needed to hear me say "It was scary to think that was happening. It was frightening to believe it was true."

Then, and only then, was she ready for me to speak truth.

This summer I walked a long parenting struggle. One that caused me to question not only my effectiveness as a mother but also a human being.

The data was looking like a bad dream. Like maybe I hadn't done as good of a job as I had hoped.

I'm thankful for my quarter friends who let me say out loud all the things they already knew weren't true.

Who made space for the bad dream run down. For days on end.

And then, who spoke truth to me.

Who reminded me with specific examples how I had loved each one of my kids.

How I yes had made mistakes, but always in love.

Mama Warriors, I hope we are all people who make space for the bad dream run down.

Who gift our people space to process the lies.

And then who remind them of the truth.

This is that space that I think many of us jump over in our prayer life. We give Jesus the run down - all the things that are going wrong that we'd like some help with. Jesus take this wheel I'm tightly holding on to.

But then we don't sit in silence to wait for truth to be spoken back to us.

We don't gift the space for the truth that will fight the bad dream.

When Peanut was a toddler we started this song.......

"Bad dreams, bad dreams go away

Good dreams, good dreams here to stay." (thank you Gray's Anatomy)

There's space to say those bad dreams out loud.

But then let's make space for the good dreams to grow.

Water and Worship

 "In the Bible, wisdom is rarely presented as a single decision, belief, or rule, but rather as a "way" or "path" that the sojourner must continually discern amid the twists and turns of life."

This weekend I changed the light bulbs in the ceiling fan in Peanut's room.

When I went to turn the lights off using the remote that evening, the lights dimmed, but won't turn off.

After some googling, it turns out that LED lights never fully go off in dimmer switches. There's this long electrical explanation about voltage and what not. But the bottom line is that I have to manually turn the light off at the light. We can no longer use the switch or the remote.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about how I feel a little like this ceiling fan.

Thoughts unable to turn off.

Like my remote, the ability to rest or sleep is no longer functional.

One of the things constantly swirling around in my brain is the relationships I am working on.

I missed church this past week but was able to listen to the sermon online.

The speaker said something that made me stop everything and really listen.

"What if you water and your grass doesn't get greener/better?"

She was talking about the lie we believe "the grass is always greener" and how we have to water our own grass. Quit looking at the neighbor's yard and start to really focus on our own.

But what happens when we do that, and our grass still doesn't grow?

Her response was we worship. We keep watering and we worship. Knowing that the Living Well fills the deep

hole that only He can fill.

I've been soaking that this week. Worship and water.

Worship the one who created your grass (your family, your job, your relationships, your health - whatever your "issue" is) and water your grass (pour into those relationships).

Sunday Peanut and I were walking around the yard, trying to figure out where the cool snap of Saturday went to, and I noticed how our grass grows in some places and not in others.

I had this moment where I got it.

I'm called to water the grass.

NOT to make it grow.

Sit with me there for a minute.

I'm called to pour where He calls me to pour.

I'm not called to be in charge of the outcome.

I'd love if these places I'm pouring start to grow. It's heart breaking to me that they aren't.

When I feel poured out, I'm called to remember that the Living Well fills us in ways nothing else can.

The grass growing isn't going to fill that empty spot.

Mama Warriors, we want to judge ourselves, and our efforts, by the outcomes.

I challenge you to set your measurement bar on the EFFORT.

You pour where He calls you to pour and let Him worry about growing the grass.

Water and worship folks.