"Guide us waking, O Lord, and guard us sleeping; that awake we may watch with Christ, and asleep we may rest in peace."
The face in this picture is one of the key signs of the beginning of adolescents for those of you that haven't gotten there yet.
And one day you say "Let me take your picture" and they say "Ugh Mom" with this disgusted look.
I always take the picture anyway.
Somewhat jokingly I tell them that this falls under the "no skin off your back" category. It costs you NOTHING to let me take your picture. It brings me joy. And I have the wisdom to know that the awkward preteen/teen phase is something you'll want to have pictures of later in life. To show others that you too went through that and survived.
Yes at one point, despite evidence to the contrary, you were once 11.
Despite my intense growth in the area of parenting over the last 22 years, it seems adolescence is still a rocky road.
I must say at least a billion times a day "It's not the words you choose, it's how you deliver them."
Peanut is allowed, and encouraged, to have different opinions. It's one of my favorite things about her. She wrestles. She overthinks things (might be her mother's child). She questions.
We do not run a "first time obedience" household. There is space for wanting to finish a chapter before doing something I've asked. There is space for wanting to know why that task is important.
I do not control Peanut.
Peanut controls Peanut.
Once we realize this as parents, it very much shifts many parenting conversations.
It seems that as a society we've sort of accepted that the tween/teen years are one of snarkiness and disrespect. They all do it so it must be the norm?
In my previous rodeo at this, I operated in "If, then" parenting. If you speak disrespectfully to me, then you lose screen time."
While this approach might (heavy emphasis on might) end the tone of conversations, it doesn't change the character behind the behavior. It makes it legalistic.
I can't control Peanut's tone but I can control her screen time. I don't want to be in control of her screen time - I want her to speak kindly to me.
On this third rodeo I've decided to put all the work I've done on boundaries in action.
I can control ME.
"I deserve to be spoken to respectfully. When you don't speak to me respectfully, I will remove MYSELF from the conversation."
I've given Peanut a powerful message. I deserve to be spoken to respectfully. Merely because God made me. Not because I'm her mother. Not because I'm in control. But because I'm a child of God.
As you might guess, Peanut still needs a lot of mothering. She often needs a chef, an uber driver, a teacher, a coach, etc.
I'm happy to be all those things to Peanut provided she chooses to speak to me respectfully.
Not agree with me.
But to be kind in the way she communicates.
Mama Warriors, it's been a long election year that is nearly coming to a close. Which honestly I feel is going to bring more division, not less.
I wish I could say we all spoke to each other, and about each other, respectfully.
I wish.
I can't control others.
I can control me.
So when people are disrespectful to me either directly, or indirectly, I hide them. I no longer see their content.
Because I can remove ME from a conversation where respect is not first.
You are worthy of respect.
Because you are a child of God in His image.
No matter how you vote.