What if?

 "God's love isn't based on me. It's simply placed on me. And it's the place from which I should live.........loved."

One of my favorite movies is Parenthood. For me, the movie parallels much of real life.

How we do life with people who are in different seasons- some with younger children, some with older children, some with empty nests, etc.

We have something to offer each of those AND something to glean.

We are in an interesting season of parenthood as we have a 22 and 20 still at home (let's blame the economy) and also an 11 year old. Most people we encounter who are parenting an 11 year old aren't knocking on 50's doorstep. And most people parenting a 22 year old, aren't uber driving an 11 year old around and walking adolescence. Again.

One of my favorite scenes from the movie is where Grandma (Grandma's are often my favorite character in a movie) is sharing about a time her late husband took her to the amusement park.

"You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."

I've lamented in my ramblings over the years that I am a merry go round gal. Give me a good carousel. I'm a google calendar notifications, likes to know what to expect, home body.

However, I've found that life continues to find me stuck on the roller coaster.

There seems to be a constant "one thing after another" theme.

Over the years I've leaned in and tried to reframe this roller coaster in many different ways.

I've tried the "this too shall pass." It doesn't. Or maybe the "this" does but another "this" arrives in its place.

I've tried the "what do you have me learn from this." I often am not sure. Then I'm just overwhelmed and frustrated.

Recently I've stepped out of my comfort zone (off the merry go round, onto the roller coaster) and joined a new bible study that is digging into the history of the bible.

If you've been around for a while, you know that I've been on this digging and wrestling journey for about a decade now.

Stepping off the merry go round of the things I was taught and riding the roller coaster of asking the big questions. Making space to look at theology versus doctrine. To think about the bible as illustrative not prescriptive.

This week we explored multiple old testament stories. With a "consider this" mindset.

What if we read the bible and asked ourselves what does this tell us about ME? Where am I in this story? What does it say about God's relationship with His people?

In each story, we circle back to the idea that God's people wobbled.

And he stayed consistent.

In each story, God's people wandered.

And he welcomed them back.

Sometimes I think we get too caught up in the details to appreciate the illustration.

In trying to determine what the "rules" are, we lose the character of God.

Mama Warriors, sometimes I'm too caught up in the bumpiness of the roller coaster to appreciate the view.

I'm holding on. I'm closing my eyes. I'm waiting for it to be over.

What if instead I learned to embrace the wobbling?

What if I remembered that I only appreciate the merry go round because I know what the roller coaster feels like?

And in a merry go round moment instead of bracing myself for the next roller coaster, what if I exhaled and enjoyed it?

What if?