Hanging Hair Dryers

 "Being your true entire self is always going to feel like you are swimming upstream" The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

This summer I had the opportunity to attend a wedding of a lovely young couple.

I love weddings.

They are this sweet reminder of hope.

As I sat to write in the celebration card I was truthfully at a loss of words.

Do you write "This will be the hardest thing you will ever do." ?

My favorite proposal comes from the movie Runaway Bride. Maggie Carpenter, after many attempts at marriage, says to Graham:

"I guarantee that there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."

25 years in to my own marriage, that feels like the most authentic ask.

This will be hard. At some point one, or both of us, is going to wonder what the hell we were thinking.

But I know we belong together.

Last week I mentioned to SD that the new hair drying tool does not hang on the hook like the old one. It being on the counter sitting on the sink is driving me crazy. But I only think about it when I am in the bathroom already rushed.

I came home from church to find the problem solved.

When we were dating, SD brought me flowers.

Now he hangs up the hair dryer.

That's how a marriage survives.

We have to figure out how the other person FEELS loved.

If you take something off my overflowing plate - I feel seen. Unload a dishwasher, drive a kid somewhere, walk the crazy dog. Solve a problem I don't have time to figure out.

We change and evolve as we learn more about each other.

I think this is true in all of our relationships.

We have to be willing to admit that what we've been doing may work for us but not for the other person.

We have to notice we are bringing flowers when we need to be hanging hair dryers.

Mama Warriors, August is HARD.

Maybe you, like me, are feeling this intense burden of change. Back to school rhythms, activities ramping up, the white space on the calendar evaporating before our eyes.

Take a minute today to exhale.

And to ponder - am I showing up in ways that are benefitting those I love?

Maybe we are investing our energy in buying flowers when we need to be hanging hair dryers?