Thankful for the Dog

 "I must stay whole by keeping what I know, what I feel, and what I do in alignment with God's truth about who I am."

Peanut and I have been participating in a 21 days of Gratitude Challenge.

For the first few days Peanut was very excited. She would do her devotion video (a playlist of videos about gratitude) and then work on her "Gifts List."

The first day she eagerly listed a long time - Mommy, Daddy, listed the relatives by name, the dog, the house, the weather, the friends. The list went on and on.

On day two she asked me "What do I write now?"

I challenged her to think about the day before. What did we have to be thankful for that happened yesterday?

She thought through her day and was able to make another lengthy list.

By day 4, she informed me she'd already written down "everything" she could be thankful for.

Everything I asked?

Why yes she assures me. She's thought of it all. She's been thankful for it all.

Perhaps I told her.

Perhaps you have been thankful for all the things but are you still thankful for them? Is there a limit on how many times you can be thankful?

Are you missing new gifts?

As I've walked her through these 17 of 21 days, I've realized that my own gifts list is pretty superficial.

I'm thankful for the crazy dog who almost always makes me smile and who has taught me what steadfast devotion looks like.

But am I thankful for the hard growing season we're slowly trying to come out of?

Am I thankful for the health challenges that face loved ones?

Am I thankful for change?

It's easy to be thankful for the surface........the stuff that makes most kids' lists.

It's much harder to be thankful for the stretching and challenges. For the loss and the grief. For the worse of the better or worse, for the sickness of the sickness and health, for the poorer of richer and poorer.

Mama Warriors this week many of us will enter a week of togetherness.

While some of you swear that you love all the togetherness, I'm going to confess that often all that togetherness makes me forget what I'm thankful for.

Somewhere amongst the more dishes, more laundry, more strife over shower schedules, let's make space this week to be thankful for the elusive more.

Let's be people who 21 days in can still find something deeper to be thankful for.

Something more than the dog.

Though let's all admit, he's pretty great too

Deleting Pictures

 "Anyone who moves forward, even a little, is like Jesus walking on the water." Antonio Machado

Every few weeks google yells at me that I'm nearing my storage limit. Like a mother upset about a messed up room.

Like the average child, I delete a few things, straighten up a bit let's say and then declare it enough.

Hoping that one half gb I cleared is going to be the elusive enough.

It never lasts long. You see, I keep getting the emails. Downloading the files. Taking the pictures.

It's the pictures. Let's face it.

With some ruthless deleting this week, I've managed to free 2GB of space.

Yep, that's it. 2 GB.

For those of you whose phones don't yell at you regularly - Google allows 15 GB of storage. My THREE email accounts and files associated with that take up 1.1 GB. Remember what the rest of the storage is?

I've been taking a harsh walk down memory lane over the last few days. Opening every picture. Saving, organizing into folders, deleting as a I go.

Occasionally you hit a day where I obviously took WAY too many pictures. The snow dusting - somehow I took 30 pictures in one hour outside.

Those are the easy deletes right? Pick one of each kid or the dog and delete the rest.

It's the mundane day to day pictures that I can't let go of.

The Xman asleep on my couch.

The Princess on a blanket in the front yard reading a book.

Peanut dressed up on some random Tuesday.

Moments that were a regular part of my life. That no longer are.

Nothing special moments.

But were they?

I've missed a lot of "big" moments over the years. I've missed girl scout trips where the Princess forged new friendships. I've missed baseball games where the Xman pitched an astounding game. I've missed moments where SD could have used someone to stand in the back and just be there.

I've missed some BIG stuff.

Sometimes because my health necessitated it. Sometimes because balancing the needs of three kids in different seasons necessitated it.

But the mundane?

The small?

That's where I shine.

I stash cards in your bag when you travel. I show up with words when they are needed.

I make you dinner when you aren't well and college is wearing you out.

I play board games while dinner cooks and play your favorite songs.

Because I believe that we make a life in the small.

And that society over rates the big.

I believe the small IS the big.

So I keep a lot of these every day pictures.

To remind me that making the memories in the big isn't what makes a life.

A life is made in the memories of the consistent, constant small.

Mama Warriors, as we all prepare to enter what I call the "Season of Chaos" try to remember that the small is the big.

The holiday picture books read on the couch with the hot cocoa in the special mug. That's the big.

The Christmas movie watched in pjs with popcorn under fuzzy blankets. That's the big.

The picture taken at some big expensive outing/event may look nice when shared - but at what expense?

For what you don't see in any of my google photos is the woman behind the camera.

Smiling while capturing the everyday blessing it is to be their mom.

Flea Market Left

 "Everything changes except God. One certainty in life is change."

In what seems like a different lifetime now, I used to be a bit of an adventurer. A wake on a weekend morning itching to go. Explore. Drive.

One Sunday morning, I convinced Sweet Daddy to take a little road trip. We drove up to see the mountains, the rivers, the nature you can't find in Dunwoody. This was the late 90's. Before we had cell phones or GPS devices. We had one of those atlases in our truck (google that young folks!).

I'm pretty good with directions based on landmarks. I got us to North Carolina easily. We enjoyed a wonderful day. Where Sweet Daddy reminded me several times he had a paper and a presentation the next day. Reminded me he wanted to be back by dinner time. No problem.

It got dark early, snuck up on us. My directions to get home included a very important, make a left when you see the flea market. Well, in the dark, it is tough to see a closed road side flea market, and let's just say we didn't make that left. I wasn't concerned until we passed a "Welcome to Tennessee" sign. We didn't drive through Tennessee on our way. We were WAY far from our route home.

We stopped at a gas station, took our Atlas inside, and got directions back home. We made it home in the wee hours of the night, where Sweet Daddy then practiced his all nighter college skills and finished his paper and presentation.

It's funny to me how the telling of this story has changed over the years. At first Sweet Daddy didn't think it was funny. At all. He told it in one of those "oh you know Michele" story ways. As the years passed, it became one of our better memories. The laughs. The gas station food splurges we bought with change we found in the truck. And now, we're both sort of sappy when we think of it. What used to be. What we were once able to do.

This story sort of parallels for me how I think of my plan for my life. I'm thinking I'll make a left at the flea market, and more often than not, there is no left made. The reasons are always different - challenges, seasons of life, the list goes on.

I'm learning to trust God. To accept that His plan is best.

He has no detours. No missed left turns at the flea market. He's got it all planned out for me. I *merely* need to trust.

24 The Lord guides our steps, and we never know where he will lead us. Proverbs 20:24

"Our refusal to adapt doesn't change the circumstances, but it does steal our peace and joy."

I'm so thankful that Sweet Daddy and I both laughed upon seeing the "Welcome to Tennessee" sign. Because, if either of us had reacted differently - that memory would be so different for us. It would have taken the joy.

When we don't make the left at the flea market because He has other plans for us, I hope we all choose to joyfully see what adventure holds in Tennessee. Because I'm sure He's got plans for us.

Mama Warriors, I'm finding that not only does life not go as I plan, but most days I can't get even pull off breakfast smoothly. As we enter what is inevitably a busy season for most, I hope you treasure the wrong turns. The burnt cookies. The tears at Santa instead of a smile. The traffic jam on the way to grandma's. Don't let the bumps, the things you didn't' plan for, steal your peace or joy this season.

Published 11/14/2016

Enjoy the Ride

 "People can seek godly answers honestly and yet end up in different places. God knows the heart...........I run into people all the time who say "The Bible says....." , they never say as it has been translated and interpreted. You shouldn't be able to get away with that. We are all interpreting"

Upon studying the basketball practice and game schedule, I've accepted that we have to get Xman driving. While we love to see games and watch him play, the amount of hours demanded in conditioning and practices on top of games is intense. And most of it happens during the dinner hours, 20 - 25 minutes from our home. So if you are driving him around, you either have to plan ahead or serve cereal for dinner.

Which means for the next six weeks (or longer) I have to ride with him until his father and I BOTH think he's ready to drive solo.

This picture - it's what I look like EVERY single time I ride in the passenger seat. I hold on to the door handle.

I don't know why. I'm not getting out. It's not going to keep him safe. It's just become a reflex.

I've explained to him he's a good NEW driver. It's not him I worry about (or at least not the big worry). He's done 25 hours of classroom instruction and multiple driving lessons. He knows the laws. And he's still new enough that he very much drives following all the rules.

The rest of the locals not so much.

We approached a stop sign across from a school this week. Xman came to a complete stop, had his right turn signal on. He looks, it's clear to his left. I see him begin to go and say "STOP."

Because I know the Mom in the huge SUV is going to pull out in front of him. She's been sitting at the school waiting to go left - he followed the law and stopped. He has the right away but she goes. And sure enough. She cut him off. And so did the car behind her.

These are the things I worry about. Because when you pause to follow the law - people assume they don't have to. And they go.

And unless you've been driving a while, it's hard to anticipate the many ways other people can not be law abiding drivers.

We continued on our entire drive to have people pull out in front of him (while driving 5 mph above the speed limit) when they not only did not have the right away but it required him quickly having to slow down/stop.

This is why I hold the door when the kids drive.

At some point, Xman looks over at me and says "Mom - Relax." He turns the music up, huge Xman grin and begins to sing.

And I do. I relax. I sing. I roll my window down.

I shift my focus to what's INSIDE the car.

As I drove myself home after he got out for basketball practice, I was reflecting on that exchange.

"Relax Mom. I've got this."

I'm pretty sure Jesus says it to me multiple times a day.

"Relax Child. I've got this. Let go of the door handle and enjoy the ride."

Mama Warriors, I think these last six months or so have many of us holding on the door handle.

We are all interpreting the world around us differently.

We have different views on the virus, the economy, the election, the everything.

If we were really honest with ourselves, we each have different nuances in our spiritual life.

I listened to a sermon this morning that reminded me that when you feel like the world is out of control, it's not out of His rule.

So relax child. Take your hand off the door.

Turn the radio up.

Focus on what's IN the car and not all around it.

Enjoy the ride.

Published 11/14/2020

People Matter

 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things but only ONE thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 41-42

The Princess and I like to watch TV shows together. Each season, we find a new set of folks who become our tribe. We walked Gilmore Girls, Parenthood, This is Us, and this season we added A Million Little Things.

"Friendship isn't a big thing, it's a million little things."

In the show, a group of friends do life together. Hard things. In the last episode we watched, one of the characters finds out about some struggles a friend is having. She starts out angry the friend didn't tell her about these struggles. But then, she says to her friend something like this:

"I'm sorry. You were struggling and I should have seen that. I should have seen YOU struggling and helped."

I've been soaking that thought for the last week or so.

Yesterday, the preacher said we are called to be FULLY present to the presence of Jesus. And He calls us to be fully present to the presence of others.

I've been soaking those two thoughts.

I think in our relationships with others, we are often Martha. We listen, but we are quick to offer advice, make suggestions, share a similar experience.

We are busy DOING.

We are not the Mary that we need.

We are called to BE.

We don't sit and LISTEN. We are not FULLY present. We don't see the struggles.

Our people don't need us to do anything more than acknowledge that their hard is hard.

We have to summon the courage to be vulnerable. To be authentic.

I think we talk because we are afraid to feel. We're offering sympathy from the top of the hole, rather than climbing into the cave and offering empathy.

I think we've become so self absorbed that we don't see the struggling.

We are busy chatting about the surface that we never get to discussing the heart.

I have a friend who asks me "How's your heart today?

I know she's opening the door for me to share where I'm at. She doesn't want the laundry list of what I've DONE. She wants to know where I'm at with what is going on.

There's value in that kind of relationship.

Because if we don't ask the right questions, we'll never be FULLY present in that relationship.

Mama Warriors, it's hard to listen in the noise of today. We're busy "serving" our families. I challenge you to DO less and BE more. I challenge you to say less and listen more. I challenge you to be fully present in your relationships.

Because that one thing that Mary knew? She knew connection matters. Relationships matter.

People matter.

Let's know each other so intimately that we are the one who says "I see you struggling. You are loved."

Originally published 11/5/2018

One Moment

 "Assume the best and be curious about the rest."

Yesterday we found ourselves in the Athens area for a funeral visitation. Several people asked me how I knew the deceased......the easy answer is we stood in many parking lots together over the years waiting on kids. For we were the moms who showed up on time picking up kids who never were ready on time.

The more complicated answer is that for a bit our health journeys mirrored each other. She gave me doctor and supplement recommendations. But more importantly to me she was an empathetic listener.

"Yes, it's hard to be a wife, mom, a friend and be this sick."

"Yes, it's frustrating to see doctor upon doctor and no one has a plan that works. "

She lingered with me even when conversation was challenging.

What a gift. A legacy of love that runs deep and wide.

After the visitation we wandered further into Athens to what my kids call the "big library."

Peanut had not been to the big library that she remembered. Her last trip was 2015. She was barely 2.

We pulled into the library parking lot and that 2015 trip came rushing back.

I had taken Peanut for her 2 year old well visit in Watkinsville. I always tried to make those trips special for the big kids that tagged along. I took them to CFA for lunch, to Menchies for dessert, to the park to run off the wiggles and finally to the "big library" for new books, audio books, and DVDs.

One of mine mentioned to me once that they remember those trips. Not because of all the fun I tried to provide.

But because on this particular trip, the May of 2015, I lost my temper in the parking lot.

I was thinking yesterday as I stood in that parking lot how perspective really is singular.

In order to make those big fun trips - I didn't eat for 24 hours before the trip. I took a single coke that I sipped on to keep blood sugar up and my stomach settled.

Those big trips were really hard for me. The distance from home. Having all 3 kids out solo.

One perspective is that there is never any grace or space for the Mom right? We are supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine making the memories all the time.

Another perspective is to be grateful that this child, in that time and space, didn't know I needed grace? This child didn't know these simple things that I used to do without thinking had become difficult.

As I reflected yesterday in that parking lot, I realized that in the moment in 2015 - I apologized but I didn't repair.

I said I was sorry but I didn't have the hard conversation that would have allowed us all to have grace and space for our reactions.

Mama Warriors, I think we have to remember our children are sturdier than we give them credit for.

They are worthy of having age appropriate information. For feeling a part of the challenge rather than a nervous spectator.

They are worthy of us LINGERING in the mess of a bad moment so that the bad moment stays just that. A bad moment.

One single moment that doesn't overshadow a wealth of evidence that life goes otherwise.