Growing Pains

"The journey of parenting is more about OUR growth as people 

than our kids growth. "

 

There's such a big focus on the firsts with kids. 

First word. First step. First food. First birthday. 

They don't tell you to pay attention to the lasts. 

The crazy thing is you rarely know it's the last. 

You don't know it's the last bath until a few weeks go by and you realize they now only take showers. 

You don't know it's the last time you will rock or lay with a little one to go off to sleep, until one night they say "I'm a big girl now Mommy. I can go to sleep by myself."

You don't know December 8, 2020 will be the last time you will drive him to school. 

Until January 26th, 2021 when school returns in person and you stand on your driveway with your cup of coffee as he drives off. 

I've found raising kids to be an adventure I'm not sure anyone is ever really prepared for. 

Yesterday I listened to an author say parenting is made to "shape us, transform us, disrupt us, and create space for growth. But with growth comes growing pains." 

The author challenged me to ask myself

"God gave me this kid - what is he growing in ME? "

It seems I keep getting circled back to the idea that when things get hard, I should look in the mirror first. 

I'm going to admit, given the hurdles I've encountered parenting this one - God must be trying to grow a whole forest in me. Not just one tree. 

I love him deeply and fiercely. 

He is however all my hardest personality traits. 

I spent the better part of his childhood trying to disciple, discipline and channel those traits. 

A few years ago I realized, I really needed to disciple, discipline and channel those traits in ME. 

He's deeply in this independent phase. 

I can see that we rushing through many lasts here in the years to come. 

When I'm being honest with myself, I see me. 

Rushing to leave home. 

Craving the separation. The independence. 

So today I'm taking a deep breath. 

I'm trusting that I've given him roots that will survive the wings he's rushing. 

I'm savoring every "Mom I'm here. I love you." phone call. 

I'm soaking the way just for a few minutes, when he first wakes up, he still looks exactly like the four year old version of himself. 

I'm looking in the mirror and asking myself "What is God growing in ME" as we walk this season. 

Mama Warriors, whether you are firmly in the planting roots season, or struggling through the gifting wings, I challenge you to remember that with growth comes growing pains. 

So if this season feels hard, know it's supposed to be. 

God is growing something great in YOU. 

You sent Yesterday at 3:45 PM

Planting Seeds

 "God meets us where we are. Not where we pretend to be."

Last night, as I was scrolling social media trying to forget the plot the in the scary book I'm reading so I could go to sleep, I came across this post

I've been thinking on this today.

You see walking worst case scenarios is where I live most days. 

I had a counselor suggest one time "walking the worst" as a way to cope with anxiety. 

What's the worst thing that could happen AND then what would I do? How would I get through it? 

Part of my current coping strategy is to plan for the worst. Think about the worst and mentally walk myself through it ahead of time. 

Peanut and I were out in the yard when we noticed that this pansy is growing just under our new back porch. 

We realized that the little pansy she brought home in a pot that was on top of our porch, at some point had fallen off, and is now growing into our yard. 

It's not where we planted it, but it's where it is growing. 

It made me think about what I plant and what actually grows. 

I desire to plant seeds of truth. 

However, I often plant seeds of anxiety. Either intentionally or accidentally. 

What if along with walking the worst case scenario, I also walked the best? 

What if I planted the seed of "what is the best thing that could happen in this scenario?"

The realist in me is hesitant and it's not my natural bend. 

Because in reality, the "best" is scientifically RARELY what occurs around here. 

But you know what, so is the worst. 

Often, it's something in the middle. 

Mama Warriors, I think sometimes when we plant pansies when we don't mean to. 

I don't know if you've ever purposefully or accidentally planted a pansy but they are sturdy little plants. Strong. Hearty. 

The truths we tell ourselves become sturdy pansies really fast. 

Let's try to be purposeful in balancing the thoughts. Let's desire to spend as much time thinking about the best case scenario as we do the worst. 

Let's plant seeds of HOPE so the middle ground we land in is fertile soil. 

New Car

 "In Christ we are not trying to discover who we are, we know who we are."

Yesterday as Peanut and I were leaving the park,  we could not find new car. 

You see new car and I have only been a team 24 days. In that 24 days, I've driven it less than five times. 

Not enough to name it, apparently not enough to recognize it in a parking lot. 

Unlike the old cars that preceded her, new car looks like every other car in the parking lot. 

She has no identifiable features. 

We have no visible history. 

Looking for new car in the parking lot made me think about looking in the mirror. 

I've been through a spiritual battle the last few years. I often don't recognize myself. Somewhere between the gastro madness and turning 40, I wandered through what felt like continual hot lava until I landed somewhere new. 

This past week I listened to a sermon series that talked about spiritual warfare is fought between your ears. 

Let that sink in a bit. 

The preacher asserted that while tweens/teens are supposed to be "finding themselves," one of the real hurdles in spiritual warfare is that adults are not. 

We are supposed to know WHO we are. 

We are supposed to know WHOSE we are. 

I've been soaking on that this week. Feeling somewhat insulted - like maybe I was repeating my teen years "finding myself" again. 

As I was wandering that parking lot, I realized that it wasn't that I didn't know WHO I was. Or WHOSE I was. 

It was that I didn't realize WHO I was or WHOSE I was until I hit my 40s. 

"Spiritual Warfare is not fought with emotions in the moment, but it is fought with a healthy dose of truth ALL THE TIME."

It was that I hadn't learned to embrace truth. 

I was busy trying to DO the things. 

Instead of BE the things. 

To hear truth, you have to be STILL. 

Mama Warriors,  I firmly believe that spiritual warfare begins in the way we speak to ourselves. 

Maybe you are wandering through life thinking you are a new car. Fitting in. Looking like everyone else. Trying to blend. 

You are not a new car. 

You are vintage car. 

You have history. 

You know WHO you are. 

You know WHOSE you are. 

You just have to BE STILL and speak truth to yourself.