Thinkers

 "We draw people to Christ not by loudly discrediting what they believe.....but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it."

Peanut dutifully gives at church every Sunday. Her Sunday routine is to pack her bible and her offering in her bag. She's so faithful that today she was asked to demonstrate for the church what joyful giving looks like.

She proudly stood on stage and dropped her offering into the PLINKO machine so we could see how it was done.

Giving is just one way that Peanut shows that she loves God, and loves people.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to substitute in a government class. We were talking about Congress and it's many powers. One of which is to declare war.

We stumbled upon the question "Does what's happening in the Ukraine matter to me?" in this conversation.

In a mix of geography, history, and government we walked through why the Ukraine may or may not matter to the United States, NATO, or to us individually in Loganville, GA.

Just the week before we had talked about how their generation is growing up in an information rich, but wisdom weak society.

Information is very easy to find. They are all carrying around portable devices to access all sorts of mass media.

Wisdom, discernment, on the other hand, an entirely different conversation.

Much like with my own children, I did not tell this impressionable group what to think about the proposed question but rather suggested they may want to ask questions like this.

Where does "Love God, Love your Neighbor" start and stop. Who are the neighbors?

By the fall we will have two voters in our house, and I know they both will vote differently on many issues than myself or each other.

I consider this a homeschooling success.

I've encouraged my kids to ask big questions and decide where THEY fall.

While it may be hard to see them wrestle and walk different paths than I might chose for them, I want them to OWN their own walk.

I find far too many people in their 40s in a spiritual crisis because they have always carried the faith of their parents and when presented with real struggle - they don't own their own faith.

They believe because they were told to but not because they really do.

Mama Warriors, it's a news heavy week (isn't it always?).

I encourage you to ask the big questions without giving an idea of a "right answer." See how that changes the narrative of the conversation.

Let's raise kids who can filter the information overload through a lens of wisdom.

Let's give them opportunities to practice.

Textual Evidence

 "I wonder how many of us are waiting for God to tell us what to do rather than assuming He's waiting for us to go out and be obedient."

Xman is a little more than half way through his American Literature class this year. It's been a great class for discussion and critical thinking (two of my favorites).

Recently we were discussing a sermon and he mentioned the preacher used no bible verses. He said "My teacher would say "Where's your textual evidence?"

He's learning that it's okay to have an opinion or take a stance but you need to back that with evidence. Support it.

I've been swishing that thought around in my head the last few weeks as I've listened to countless sermons.

Tons of textual evidence.

Not always the same message.

The Bible is one of the most mis-used pieces of textual evidence in my book. I cringe when I see people cherry pick a verse, take it out of context, and pretend it supports their agenda.

You can find a verse in the Bible, when taken out of context, to support just about any stance you want to take.

The problem is that without reading the verse in context, both historically and the verses surrounding it, you mis represent the author's intent.

(stepping off my bumper sticker bible verses soapbox )

Friday one of my children arrived home after a long day with these bottles of cherry coke and a bag of sweet tart jelly beans. Sweet tarts and cherry coke are my favorites.

I'm thankful to be thought of in such a personal and loving way.

Textual evidence.

The struggle is with all my children (and the husband....and the other people) is that I can find evidence that paints them as good, kind loving people AND evidence that paints them as self absorbed, frustrating people.

To which evidence am I placing the most emphasis?

To which evidence am I am watering?

Am I verbally spending more energy on painting them as the good, kind loving people they are?

Mama Warriors, raising adults is not for the faint of heart. There is some mix of tough love, grace, and a lot of tongue biting that happens daily around here.

However, I want my people to know that evidence exists not that they can be, but that they ARE, good, kind loving people.

Children of God.

As we trudge through the winter months of parenting adults, let's remember to speak textual evidence that our kids ARE all the good things we see.

Let's water that.

Laundry Love

 "In general God guides and directs his people by affording them, in answer to prayer, the light of his Holy Spirit , which enables them to understand and to love the Scriptures. The Word of God is not to be used as a lottery; nor is it designed to instruct us by shreds and scraps, which detached from their proper places, have no determinative import; but it is to furnish us with just principles, right apprehensions to regulate our judgments and affections and thereby to influence and direct our conduct." John Newton

I recently checked out, and read, this book titled Laundry Love.

It had been raved about on a reader blog that I very much respect. I don't love everything she recommends but it's a solid source of my "to read" list.

This was the sole book I took to co-op recently. I settled in with my cherry coke and name brand pretzels (the Dollar General only had that to offer.....) and opened to chapter 1.

I had anticipated this would be a book about how to love the mundane - how to lean in and enjoy all the small. The laundry. The dishes. The meal making. All the things.

A metaphor.

It was not.

It is a book about HOW to wash your clothes.

Written by someone who LOVES laundry.

I felt totally bamboozled. I was now stuck at classes for two hours with only this instruction manual on how to sort and wash my clothes. Which I've been doing for over 30 years now.

With nothing else to do, I read the book. Cover to cover (well I skimmed that chapter on ironing because please....).

I found myself taking notes. I gleaned several tips that have already saved me time, water, and money.

Crazy.

I've realized this is a recurring theme in my life.

I think things will be one way.

They are not that way (cue my Norman Rockwell complex).

I am disappointed.

Or critical.

Or both.

I could make a LONG list of things that have not gone the way I thought they would.

Marriage. Parenting. Home Ownership. Adulting. Dog parenting.

All the things are much different than any book or wisdom I've received.

I've found there to be a great learning curve across the board.

I often find myself in situations where I feel like "this is not my thing" and I want to retreat.

When I force myself to STAY, I always learn something.

I'm reading this book on finding God's will. I've been fascinated at this new take the author presents that I have not heard before.

What if (aside from morally wrong or unjust options) all choices were within God's will for you?

What if both doors were opened by God?

What if it's not a stressful which one do I pick scenario but rather an opportunity for him to bless your service regardless of which door you walk through?

What if options in life aren't some test you are worried about failing?

Mama Warriors, as seasons begin to shift soon and we all look forward to Lent and the coming of spring, doors are opening.

Sometimes the doors look like Laundry Love books. We pick them, we walk through and we realize "this is not what I thought it was."

What if finished the book anyway? What if we trusted our choices and followed through.

What if thought that all paths could be blessed by Him?

Ritual

 "There is no formula. We live and we are loved and we are gone."

Each Saturday morning, Peanut and I load up Mo (and all the things) and we head out.

First, we pick up breakfast. Donuts for her, chicken biscuit for me and Mo to share.

Then, we pick a new park. Sometimes a place we've never been. Sometimes a place we haven't been in a bit. Never where we were last week.

We start our park day with a walk.

We put one foot in front of the other and we walk the business of the week, the highs, the lows. We look for what nature has to offer us. We chase our dog who is still awful on a leash. We laugh.

As we began a new year not too long ago, and I started to examine my habits and routines, and read about how habits make your life - I started making small changes.

I am HUGE on routines.

I love a good routine. I begin each day with the same rhythm. Peanut and I began every day with a morning basket - school day or not. In her basket is her pleasure reading book, her bible and her journal.

Routine.

A recent read challenged me to elevate my routines into RITUALS.

Rituals are routines that have meaning.

Friday night pizza night is a routine. Eating pizza while gathered around the kitchen table knee deep in a competitive game of UNO with those you love - that's a ritual.

Pouring a cup of hot coffee/tea first thing in the morning is a routine. Holding that hot cup and inhaling the new mercies of the day in prayer, that's a ritual.

Heading to the park on a Saturday morning is a routine. Choosing to be screen free, putting one foot in front of the other while we walk out our highs and lows, that's our ritual.

A routine is something that is a habitual part of your day.

A ritual is something that is a habitual part of a life.

As I've been putting all my decisions through the lens of "Do I hold a value that informs this decision?", I have also been challenging myself to consider if my routines hold meaning.

Are they merely routines or are they rituals?

Mama Warriors, take a moment this week and see if you can elevate one of your routines to a ritual.

Can you be still with that warm beverage for a few minutes and center yourself?

Can you turn off the TV and drag out a board game for family dinner?

Can you not just put the phone down but turn if off for a set hour each day creating a ritual of being fully present?

Default

 "Education is what you you learn and know - things you are taught. Formation is what you practice and do - things that are caught. The most important things in life, of course, are caught, not taught, and formation is largely about all the unseen habits."........."Worship is formation, and formation is worship."

The sermon series at church currently is on routines.

The stack of books I requested a month ago, that just came in, are all on habits and decision making.

It seems now is the time for me to work on the daily habits that make a life.

And habits are mostly choices you make without thinking.

They are the defaults.

I used to start my day by grabbing my kindle and scrolling through social media while my eyes adjusted to the light of the screen.

By the time I finished checking all the things (email, messages, social media) and got moving, it was nearly time that Peanut would be up.

I had lost all the quiet time in my house.

As I've been reading about how routines, habits and decisions make a life, I've consciously chosen to start my day by putting my feet on the ground immediately upon waking.

I listen to any video messages I've received while I get dressed, make my bed, gather the laundry.

I greet my VERY excited to see me puppy, we do our morning routine together. We start laundry, we unload the dishwasher, we make tea, he has breakfast. By the time Peanut wakes up, I've had time to wake up, get our house "awake" and I can greet her with breakfast and bible time.

All change inspired by a question one of my books asked me.

"Do I hold a value that informs this decision?"

I've now put the decisions of my day, big and small, through that one simple question.

I value connection. I value my friends feeling heard and seen. Listening to their video messages, and returning them, gives me the opportunity to pray for them, share in their daily struggles, and process my own.

Scrolling social media does not give me true connection. Do I enjoy it? Yes. I love the pictures of your cute kids and dogs. The yummy things you make. Is there a space in my day for that? Usually. But not in that precious first hour of the day.

Sunday I woke up feeling tired and worn. We were up late Saturday night waiting for one of our teens to come home. I hadn't slept well.

I devoted time that morning to debating attending or skipping church.

"Do I hold a value that informs this decision?"

Yes I do. I value time spent in worship. While I have benefited from a season of worshipping at home, I am currently in a season where I need the quiet from the active house and I need the time spent with my palms up.

There will always be valid excuses I could come up with for making these small decisions each day.

But If I challenge myself to hold each decision, big or small, against the question "Do I hold a value that informs this decision?" - it's really hard to say my value is laying in bed scrolling facebook or drinking coffee in my pjs at home.

The nice thing about these new habits is they also fall under the rule "make a decision ONCE."

In the morning, I get moving.

On Sunday mornings, I attend church.

I don't make those decisions day by day anymore, they are the default.

Mama Warriors, are the defaults in your life representative of the values you hold?

We have breakfast for dinner every Sunday night. It's the default. I don't think about what's for dinner, I don't worry about what to make. It's one less decision.

Each "one less decision" gives your brain space to rest from decision over load. It makes you better equipped to make the decisions that are important. That need mental space and time to process.

What in your life can you put on default?

Problem Solve

 "I change myself, I change the world."

Peanut is a VERY curious soul.

Last night at church she asked her teacher "If our planet is the only one with life on it, why did God make all the other planets?"

In her science class, she always has the next question. If this is made of atoms, what are atoms made of? If atoms are made of protons, neutrons and electrons, what are those things made of?

She's a big thinker.

I rarely know the answer to her questions.

There was a time when her big questions would have rattled me. It would have bothered me that I didn't know all the answers.

Fortunately she got the 40s me parent who is totally fine with not knowing all the things.

In fact, I no longer want to know all the things.

We've become a society that is information rich and wisdom poor.

We are often a parenting generation trying to control all the things by knowing AND being the answer to all the problems.

I was thinking this week how when I was in the 5th grade, not much older than Peanut, that my mother put me on a bus to Washington, DC. For a week.

No cell phones. No location tracking. No texting or calling or nothing.

She signed the permission slip, trusted the adults and put me on a bus.

A week later I returned with the wisdom you get from being without your mother for a week.

I learned the side effects of eating from a vending machine for days on end. I learned if you don't want to be lost that you follow the adult's instructions. I learned there are a variety of people who can know the answers.

My mother sent me to friend's houses, summer camp and church retreats. All san cell phones.

Before I left home for college, I had LOTS of experience at what independence looks like and feels like.

I had many opportunities to fall and get back up again without my mother preventing it.

I worry about a generation of kids who have too much access to problem solvers because then they don't develop their own problem solving skills.

A podcast I listened to lately suggested not answering your kid's first phone call.

My immediate thought was "Not answer? What if they have a problem?"

The author suggests after the default of calling you - they will then begin to problem solve.

I inadvertedly experienced this lately. One of mine called to ask for help with something and I was napping . By the time I noticed the missed call, they had figured out how to make a decision all on their own. They had already moved on.

By not being available to rescue them or tell them what to do, I gift them the opportunity to figure it out.

She suggests if you are not comfortable not answering to instead say "I'm confident you can figure this out. If you feel unsafe or really stuck, feel free to call me back."

What a message that sends our kids - what if instead of us fixing it and thus sending the message they aren't capable, we instead say "I know you can do this."

Mama Warriors, I know we all fiercely love our kids.

But we aren't raising kids.

We are raising adults.

They have to be able to problem solve. They also have to be okay with not knowing all the answers. Knowing that's the norm.

Sometimes we just say "God knows what's best and we just trust."

The planets and our kids.