Problem Solve

 "I change myself, I change the world."

Peanut is a VERY curious soul.

Last night at church she asked her teacher "If our planet is the only one with life on it, why did God make all the other planets?"

In her science class, she always has the next question. If this is made of atoms, what are atoms made of? If atoms are made of protons, neutrons and electrons, what are those things made of?

She's a big thinker.

I rarely know the answer to her questions.

There was a time when her big questions would have rattled me. It would have bothered me that I didn't know all the answers.

Fortunately she got the 40s me parent who is totally fine with not knowing all the things.

In fact, I no longer want to know all the things.

We've become a society that is information rich and wisdom poor.

We are often a parenting generation trying to control all the things by knowing AND being the answer to all the problems.

I was thinking this week how when I was in the 5th grade, not much older than Peanut, that my mother put me on a bus to Washington, DC. For a week.

No cell phones. No location tracking. No texting or calling or nothing.

She signed the permission slip, trusted the adults and put me on a bus.

A week later I returned with the wisdom you get from being without your mother for a week.

I learned the side effects of eating from a vending machine for days on end. I learned if you don't want to be lost that you follow the adult's instructions. I learned there are a variety of people who can know the answers.

My mother sent me to friend's houses, summer camp and church retreats. All san cell phones.

Before I left home for college, I had LOTS of experience at what independence looks like and feels like.

I had many opportunities to fall and get back up again without my mother preventing it.

I worry about a generation of kids who have too much access to problem solvers because then they don't develop their own problem solving skills.

A podcast I listened to lately suggested not answering your kid's first phone call.

My immediate thought was "Not answer? What if they have a problem?"

The author suggests after the default of calling you - they will then begin to problem solve.

I inadvertedly experienced this lately. One of mine called to ask for help with something and I was napping . By the time I noticed the missed call, they had figured out how to make a decision all on their own. They had already moved on.

By not being available to rescue them or tell them what to do, I gift them the opportunity to figure it out.

She suggests if you are not comfortable not answering to instead say "I'm confident you can figure this out. If you feel unsafe or really stuck, feel free to call me back."

What a message that sends our kids - what if instead of us fixing it and thus sending the message they aren't capable, we instead say "I know you can do this."

Mama Warriors, I know we all fiercely love our kids.

But we aren't raising kids.

We are raising adults.

They have to be able to problem solve. They also have to be okay with not knowing all the answers. Knowing that's the norm.

Sometimes we just say "God knows what's best and we just trust."

The planets and our kids.