Sadness

 "It's okay to not be okay sometimes." Inside Out

One of my favorite Disney movies is Inside Out. The parent in me laughs at the emotions of the parents as they navigate the newness of parenting a teen. There's a part of me that relates to each of Riley's emotions - disgust, fear, anger, joy and sadness.

This week I'm reading a book on the beauty of hard emotions. The author shared a tidbit about Inside Out that I didn't know.

The writer originally wrote Fear as the character that travels with Joy to try to save the core emotions. He felt Fear had the most to teach Joy.

2/3 through the movie as they screened the film, it felt all wrong.

The writer wrestled with the film and discovered that Sadness has the most to teach Joy.

The yin and yang. The bittersweet balance.

Sadness is what gifts us compassion.

Fear is a disconnecting emotion.

Sadness is a connecting emotion.

Even in film.

When Sadness sits with Bing Bong and gifts him the space to be sad, she connects with him.

When we sit with each other, and gift each other the space to be sad, we connect.

Peanut is deeply feeling kid, living in a very messy world, just like her mother.

Yesterday we attended a very fun birthday party. Peanut was sad to leave.

Peanut was teary as we loaded up to head home.

Now, there is a part of me that wants to say "We've been here 6.5 hours. You've had lots of fun. Daddy needs our car so we need to get home. It's dinner time." And so on.

And, I will confess. I did say those things.

But then, as I looked in the rear view mirror at her sweet teary face, I said what I should have said first.

You were having so much fun. You are sad that it is time to go. You miss your cousins already. You did something new and since you loved it, you weren't ready to stop.

Yes she says to me. Yes.

Connection.

We don't stop people from feeling sadness by simply not addressing it. Or telling them to stop being sad. Or best, giving them reasons why they shouldn't be sad (or angry, or afraid, or worried).

What we do is disconnect from them.

Mama Warriors, it's often a default to tell our kids they are "okay" or "it's fine" when something happens.

The thing is - we don't get to decide if they are okay or fine.

We have to gift them the space for the emotions they feel. Because felt emotions are part of growth.

Felt emotions make us balanced and emotionally healthy people.

We learn to feel and process our emotions by being gifted the words and space to feel and process.

I encourage you this week to sit with your kid's emotion FIRST.

"Wow - you feel really angry that screen time is over. You really like this game and you aren't ready to stop."

Make space for the big feelings so they can learn to move forward.

Connection.