The Lasts

 "The church is like a gym. It exists to train, equip and challenge the body of Christ to live in the light of the Gospel. But many treat the church like a restaurant that exists to feed and serve the regular patrons. That's a massive disconnect. " Jim Poor

I've watched this week as many are navigating Senior pictures. I see these heartfelt "how did we get here?" posts.

While I very much may need a support group come next fall should he chase his big dreams and no longer sleep here every night (well, no longer sleep here most nights).......

For the next 10 months though, I'm all about celebrating the journey.

I know exactly how we got here.

It was a VERY adventurous roller coaster ride.

As we enter year 13 of school, I'm going to confess being Team Xman is a full time job.

I fought with the pediatrician over what was clearly signs of anxiety. I disagreed with well meaning preschool teachers and insisted he would read when he was ready and no I was not doing flashcards with my active four year old. I've navigated bullies at church of all places. I've had hard conversations with sports coaches about how the scoreboard is not our goal. I've dealt with teachers who wouldn't listen to his side of a story.

I've held the boundaries. Defended them.

I've had ALL the talks. I've apologized, repaired and prayed over all the things.

I've swam against the grain as I've protected his childhood every step of the way. We've said "no" to good things to say "yes" to better things.

We said yes to long afternoons outside rather than full school days at a desk. We said yes to family dinners at home rather than shuffling between too many activities. We said yes to jobs, volunteer work and friends rather than AP classes and more rigorous academics.

I've said nothing when I wanted to say everything.

I've done the hard stepping back and letting him figure it out.

I've watched him fall and figure out how to get back up.

These in between years are an odd balancing act. He's still a "child" in my home, still a high school student, still has much to learn.

But we all remember being 18 right?

I expect this year to be all the things each year before has been. A time management challenge. A questioning of all the assignments (no I don't know why you must read Beowolf solo over the summer, but it is what it is). A year of deciding the priorities.

There will be SAT testing, college applications, the great search for scholarship money. The hashing out of what the next right step will be given what he's learned about himself in school, in jobs, in prayer.

There's two approaches to this year right?

The tearful "this is the last"

The exuberant "this is the last"

Mama Warriors, maybe you too fall in the last camp - we are so close. We've nearly got them through.

This is the last time I will endure open house crowds.

This is the last time I will battle over school night curfews.

This is the last time I will submit ridiculous paperwork over and over again.

As I see glimpses of what an adult relationship with this old soul of mine can be like, I know that there is beauty in this "this is the last" season but also much beauty to come.