Yes Mom

 "Life isn't about a way to a destination but about a way to travel, a way to be wholly known and still wholly loved."

A few years ago, I challenged myself to become a "Yes" mom.

Say "yes" unless I hold a justifiable reason to say "no."

I realized that my default had become "no" or better yet, "we'll see" which is really just a procrastinated "no."

A few weeks ago Xman asked me if he could go to the beach with friends for a few days.

No parents.

I asked all the mom questions - who/where/when/transportation/lodging. I made contact with another of the moms and verified the information.

And then I said "yes."

Xman can make good, or bad, decisions in ANY zip code. He can make good/bad decisions spending the night at a friends house with parents in the house. He can make good/bad decisions while driving his car any day of the week.

The core issue comes down to trust.

I trust that he won't be perfect. That he will teeter between the old responsible soul and the nearly 18 adventuresome teenage boy.

He has not given me a reason to not trust him, so I do.

I say yes.

It's been a stretching summer for this Mama.

4 airplane rides, a foreign country, a week with no communication.

A bus, a week away at camp with no communication.

3 days on a trip with friends (lots of communication )

I've spent nearly 18 years now planting seeds. Setting boundaries. Establishing connection.

I trust his roots run deep.

I trust he knows right from wrong.

I trust our connection is sturdy.

And I say yes.

I realized as I was processing something with a friend this week, that I was parented from the default of assuming the worst. I was always told "no" because it was assumed I, or someone else, would make a bad choice.

I want to gift my kids the default of thinking the best of them.

Not in a naïve or blind way, but in an effort to say to them "I trust that you can make good choices."

Mama Warriors, we are fooling ourselves if we ever think the ball is in our court.

The ball is always in their court.

It's just a matter of how much of the game we are witness to. How much of the game we are invited to watch and play in. How much of the game is shared with us.

The ball is always theirs.

I encourage you to put your connection with your kid first so you are always invited to the game.