Much

 "When the math doesn't work, we are walking in a place outside of logic and cause and effect. Some people call that Holy Ground."

We had the pleasure of spending Sunday at a local state park enjoying family.

Peanut is blessed to have many cousins- and cousins' cousins - to play with. Sunday was my idea of a perfect day. It very well could have been any summer day in 1980. A mess of kids running around. They rode bikes. They fished. They built sandcastles. They colored in coloring books. They ate snacks. They invented games.

If you want to buy yourself hours of time to visit with adults, give 8 kids 4 walkie talkies and sit back. They will self entertain. If you keep one walkie talkie, you will be able to find a kid when they show up missing.

As the sun began to set, and the rain began to pour, Peanut discovered a fish had ate her hook and she hadn't caught anything.

10 hours into our playdate, cue a massive meltdown.

I stood in the rain on the beach for a bit trying to talk her through it.

I realized in that moment she did not have the capacity to work through this right there. With her favorite people watching.

Too busy to eat much, she was hungry. She played much harder than she normally does in her solo kid life here at home. She was spent.

I made the executive decision that we were going to cut and run. I hurried a sobbing Peanut into the car, said some apologies and gave some sweet goodbye hugs and kisses, and we headed off.

Peanut has big feelings. Like her mother.

She requires processing all the feels. Like her mother.

Sometimes that is not a quick or pretty process. Like her mother.

I've spent a good bit of my life trying to hide my "muchness." It seems the beauty of arriving in your 40s is you realize the "muchness" is here to stay and everyone else can get on board or depart the station.

This summer was the first time I ever read that term "muchness" and it resonated so deeply with me.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart - with all your feelings and affections - and with all your soul - with all your life-breath, your whole self - and with all your very, very much. With all your muchness. Me-od - muchness. The teacher smiled, "Love the Lord your God with all your very, very much."

The author further shares:

" You aren't too much, like the stars are never too bright, like the moon is never too large or luminous, like the wonders of the world are never too much. You aren't too much to the people who choose to see ALL of you. "

It's so important to me that Peanut knows she is NEVER too much.

There is space and grace for all her muchness.

Mama Warriors, maybe this morning you need to hear You aren't too much.

Your muchness is your STRENGTH.

You were gifted your muchness to use to build the kingdom. What better people to reach others than those who feel big?

Much.