Obligations versus Opportunities

 "Loving people means showing them what they can not see on their own." James Baldwin

The list of things not included in my parenting handbook is FAR longer than the list of things that were shared with me by doctors, relatives, friends, or strangers at the park.

Amongst the list is how to navigate the holidays with young adult children.

I've known for a long time our traditions don't work for us as a family. We are stretched between obligatory commitments, a difference in what a holiday should look like, and even the limits of how many of us fit into our largest vehicle (hint, not all of us).

For the second year we celebrated Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving on Wednesday night. A night of snack foods, popcorn, games and a viewing of the movie (well this year we didn't make it to the movie).

An evening that is flexible. All are welcome.

We ate, we laughed, we competed in Taboo.

In reframing this holiday for myself, I recognized that what makes "Thanksgiving" for someone else does not have to make Thanksgiving for me and mine.

I was also reminded that the Beatles are right.

"All you need is love, love. Love is all you need."

The tricky thing is that love looks differently in each season of parenting.

Sometimes love is firm boundaries, consequences, and tough choices.

Other times love is flexibility, openness and grace.

My number one job as their parent is to love them well.

Mama Warriors, as we pull out the Christmas decorations and begin to fill in the December calendar, I challenge you to think about what love looks like in THIS season?

What would loving your kids right now look like?

Maybe it's ditching that formal meal that stresses them out in favor of a more low key grazing buffet option with a few of their favorites.

Maybe it's saying no to the thing that happens at nap time because sleep makes for healthy and happy children and adults.

Maybe its rethinking your traditions in light of the ages and stages in your home.

Do you want to be remembered for the obligations or for the opportunities for joy?