Assume the Best

 "Judaism doesn't ask its followers to take a leap of faith. It asks them to take a leap of ACTION.

First you do. Then you understand." Wendy Mogel

We start most of our days with a lingering routine that involves warm beverages, good literature and some fresh air.

Tuesdays are our exception.

On Tuesdays Peanut has to be at co-op classes first thing in the morning.

Despite the NUMEROUS times her mother has suggested packing the bookbag the day before - it is always a Tuesday morning activity.

We are in throes of early adolescence.

The "Oh my gosh my hair looks awful" kind of throes.

Lord help us.

By the time we got to the "Do you have everything in your backpack?" this morning Peanut was in full sass mode.

"UGH. I KNOW. I have it."

Let's all giggle as we know where this is going right?

On the drive to school I ask "Do you feel like sharing your reading response today in class?"

As I look into the rearview mirror for the answer, I immediately know that the reading response is not in the backpack.

Apparently she didn't "know."

Definitely doesn't "have it."

I'd like to say that I calmly said mistakes happen, let's think of a solution.

But rather I said "perhaps if when someone asked you if you were ready and was going to list what you needed - if you hadn't rudely interrupted and been unkind, you would have the reading response in the backpack rather than still on the printer."

And then I stopped myself.

Peanut already felt bad. She wasn't going to be prepared for class.

Me berating her for that wasn't going to help her have a good day.

There's this balance in relationships right?

Sometimes we offer grace and we help solve the problem.

Other times we allow natural consequences to happen (the bad grade, the missing assignment, the no lunch to eat) so that they learn. Rescues don't always happen. You live with the consequences of your decision.

Today I offered grace.

We pulled into the library and I told Peanut she could solve her own problem by going in, asking to use a computer, logging into her account, printing her paper, and PAYING for it.

I was confident she could ask the librarians for help and she could learn to do it.

And I went about looking for library books.

Peanut needed two librarians, and a little help from me, but she managed to get her paper printed. And we arrived at school prepared.

While she didn't learn the lesson of arriving to school without her paper, I felt like she did learn another valuable skill.

How to pivot.

How to problem solve.

And that even when you are right (I already knew it was likely she did not have everything she needed) - you be graceful.

You can swallow the "I told you so" and respond in kindness.

You can assume the best of the other person. Peanut wanted to be prepared for class. She had done the work. She made a mistake.

Mama Warriors, I feel like we have become a community that does not assume the best.

Everyone else's mistake is personal to US.

Peanut not having the paper had NOTHING to do with me. And everything to do with her worrying about how she looks, what the other kids will think, how she feels on a long school day.

It felt like it was personal because I asked.

But really, I wasn't even a factor in the equation.

There's no room for grace.

My mail carrier delivered my last package two doors down. I could rant on social media about how her ONE job is to deliver the mail. Or I can remember that Ms. Shirley works hard. She smiles when I see her. She made a mistake.

I could assume the best about Ms. Shirley.

We could assume the best about each other.

We could make space for mistakes.

We could extend grace.