Say something

“For those willing to keep heaving themselves toward the light, things can change. What has been lost gradually becomes less important than what is to be found. Curiosity pokes its green head up through the asphalt of grief, and fear of the unknown takes on an element of wonder as the disillusioned turn away from the God who was supposed to be in order to seek the God who is." Barbara Brown Taylor, The Preaching Life

For years I fretted over, prayed over, worried over Peanut's lack of friends.

In our home, we value Peanut's uniqueness.

We love her theatrical approach to life. We are amazed by her creative art. We enjoy her avid love of reading. We are confused by, but appreciate, her dedicated passion for a book series, a character, a collection, etc.

In our home, the fact that Peanut is different is celebrated.

Unfortunately, the reality of life is that kids, or grown ups, who are different are not always celebrated in social circles.

While it's always been okay with Peanut if your interests are different than hers, it's not always the case with other kids.

A little over a year ago, we finally found Peanut's tribe.

They all have many interests in common BUT they also have differences.

And they celebrate and appreciate the differences.

They don't all watch the same shows, listen to the same music, or worship in the same denominations.

Interesting isn't it?

That a group of middle school girls can figure out that the character of someone's heart far outweighs any likes or dislikes?

As I sat and watched them yesterday, I was reminded that helping Peanut become a person of character is one of my most important goals.

And we do that by modeling.

And by talking about hard things.

I'm aware that I'm often in group settings where I'm different. Unique you might say . I'm also allergic to small talk and only know how to overshare.

Therefore I tend to choose what I share based on my audience. How close are we? How comfortable am I with you? Have you earned my trust?

Recently I shared something in a setting I thought I was comfortable in. A setting I thought what I shared would be received at minimum with grace.

The person said nothing.

Couldn't even make eye contact with me.

I've been mulling over this.........now, my mama always said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I'd wager that there are times when saying nothing is worse than saying something "not nice."

I shared this with Peanut because I think there are times when we say nothing because we don't know what to say.

When someone shares something with us, we don't have to pass judgement. We don't have to offer advice.

We can literally just say "Gosh, that must have been hard FOR YOU." Or "Thanks for sharing that with me."

We can say something.

I shared this with Peanut because as one unique soul to another, we are going to be in rooms where what is on our heart is not going to be the common opinion.

And hopefully we are both spaces where people feel safe to share a thought that may be unpopular. Or maybe just hard for them to share.

I hope we both will find words.

Mama Warriors, navigating friendships and differences is something that has to be taught. And practiced. Just like multiplication facts.

Let's be people who can look others in the eye and appreciate that we don't have to agree but we can be kind.

Let's be people who find words for others.