Anchor

"Our home is becoming more of an anchor and less a place to land. It's becoming the place where our life unfolds."

Peanut and I went on a walk mid-day today. She's a bicyclist enthusiast these days. A little more than a half hour into her ride, she climbed off her bike, laid down on the ground, and started crying "I can't go anymore." (yes, I'm raising drama queens and kings around here it seems)

So, after my attempt at reasoning with her didn't work, I did what every hot and tired mother would. I picked her up and carried her home. Dragging that bike. Holding on to that helmet. 

I read something this week that said let your life be like drinking from a glass of water, not trying to gulp from a firing hose. 

I've been soaking that this week. 

When I feel tired or stretched, I stop and think - am I CHOOSING the glass of water, or am I CHOOSING the firing hose? 

Is our home our anchor or the place where we pause in between the hurry? 

I'm thankful for many of the silver linings from the great gastro madness. One is that our life now unfolds here, in the comfort of our home. 

We made the decision to move Xman from travel baseball to rec ball this fall. To give him time to be a kid. To ride a bike. To play board games with his siblings. To give us time as a family to do something other than drive him to and from ball fields. To remind us all that he's "just" 14. It was a conscious choice. 

As things go, God took it one step further. Xman has an injury and is out of baseball, and his gym, for the remainder of the season. 

We now have some white space that our calendar hasn't seen during a school year in quite some time. 

Sometimes I think we choose to bike far from home, we choose to exhaust ourselves, and then we are surprised when our bodies, our souls, our minds are too tired to come back home. 

It makes me think of that verse "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." I don't think Jesus meant exhaust yourself and stop by on Sunday. 

I think He means come to me daily. Choose to rest in me. Over and over. 

Let me be your anchor, your home. 

Mama Warriors, I joke with my big kids sometimes that they are lucky that I was raised as a 1980's kid. That I remember that the world doesn't revolve around them. That I know how to tell them "no" or "not now." 

That I CHOOSE to let our home be our anchor, and not a place we stop by. That our yard, our living room couch, our kitchen table, our driveway - that in these places, our life slowly unfolds. 

Like taking a sip from a magnificent glass of water. 

You, too, can choose - the glass of water or the firing hose. 

If it feels like you can't choose, take it to Him in prayer. Come to me all who are weary....................He will anchor you.

Model

 “Jesus, Willard says, “does not call us to do what he did, but to be as he was, permeated with love. Then the doing of what he did and said becomes the natural expression of who we are in him.”

― Dallas Willard

This week I start teaching a once a week middle grades math class. In this class, we are going to explore the "why" of things not just the "how."

I'm going to ask kids to do the hardest thing you can ask a kid to do in today's society.

Think.

I'm way less concerned with "right answers" and way more concerned with process.

Each week we are going to look at some aspect of computation and wonder.

What happens when you multiply a three digit number by a 2 digit number? Is the answer always the same number of digits? What can we do to get the smallest number of digits? What about the largest?

In math we are often focused on the outcome (the answer) rather than the process.

I think a lot of us make this mistake in life as well.

Focusing on how our kids turn out (what college they go to, what job they get, etc) instead of the process of growing up. Leaving room for mistakes and wonder.

The first thing I've asked my students to do is to introduce themselves to me in numbers.

I never ask kids to do something I haven't already done, so last week I made my own "Me in Numbers" project.

As I met each student at open house, I walked through my project with them. "Here's a little about me" but also "Here's what this assignment looks like finished. Here's how I got these numbers. Here's how I made them into a poster."

I modeled. I showed them.

In teaching, parenting, and a number of facets of life - modeling is the most important tool we have.

Want your kid to learn to unload the dishwasher? You show them how. Then you walk alongside them as they do it. Over and over.

Want a student to write a good paragraph? You "think out loud" as you write a paragraph. You stop and ask questions - what could go next? You show them. Then you walk alongside them as they do it. Over and over.

Want someone to speak respectfully to you? You speak respectfully to them. You show them. Over and over.

If you know me, you know that "verse picking" is one of my all time pet peeves.

Singling out one verse of the bible in order to support your stance.

Verses were never intended to be taken out of context - not historical context, not cultural context, not big picture context.

We've forgotten that Jesus taught us how to be like him by MODELING.

We've gotten too caught up on individual verses and who said them and what they mean.

And we've forgotten that He SHOWED us how to live in the way He lived.

And he did what any good teacher does - He showed us. Then He walks alongside us as we do it.

He modeled.

I also think He's far less concerned with the "right answer" than He is the process of "right living."

Jesus encouraged people to THINK and WONDER.

Mama Warriors, as we continue to walk toward this election as believers, I challenge you to think and wonder.

Are you part of the bridge or part of the ditch?

I'd assert Jesus was always a bridge. Looking for connections. Finding similarities. Listening to the other side.

The ditch diggers are creating divides. Speaking more ugly about the "other candidate" (whoever that is) than speaking positively about theirs. Sharing posts that spawn controversy rather than connection.

Let's model what we want for our kids, for ourselves, for our world.

Let's SHOW others how He walked.

Surrender

"Great people do not do great things. God does great things through SURRENDERED people."

So it seems this high school thing is real. I went this morning to a "Transcript Meeting" to learn all about what the Princess needs to graduate from high school and get into college. I looked around at one point to all the moms frantically taking notes (for the record, I did write a few things down) and thought someone should say "Just take a deep breath."

As we walk these next 4 years with the Princess, I want us to be knowledgeable and prepared. I want to understand all the T's that need to be crossed, and the I's that need to be dotted. I want her to have OPTIONS. Education provides options and opportunities. 

BUT I never want to loose sight of putting first prayerfully considering what God has in store for her. I want us to explore her strengths and weaknesses, her gifts and talents, her interests and aspirations. 

"No unique purpose for your life will fill your soul. The only thing that will fulfill and settle your soul is God himself."

As we take these college prep classes, I don't want to be so focused on what she *might* choose 4 years from now that she misses how God can use her HERE and NOW. I want to leave room for shelving books at the library, for loving on preschoolers at church, for building relationships with friends and family. 

1 Corinthians 2: 9 It is written that

“no eye has seen,

    no ear has heard,

and no human mind has known.” (Isaiah 64:4)

    God has prepared these things for those who love him.

I think this area of high school is one where us parents have the opportunity to get a wee bit crazy. We compare what we see other families doing, classes their kids are taking, opportunities. We push our kids, or support decisions they make, that may not be in their best interest as a KID. 

Comparison robs us of the joy of  obedience.

What God has called me to do with each of my children may not be what God has called you to do. If I give my kids the impression that there is ANYTHING more important than knowing Him and following Him, I'm wrong. 

Mama Warriors, THIS is where it gets real. Those of us with teenagers. This is when we really model how we stop in prayer before we make all these big decisions. Are Honors classes the right fit? Should we add an extra curricular? How is our time best spent? NOW is when we model how we go to Him in prayer and we WAIT for the spirit to move in us. We WAIT for answers. 

We can't possibly know it all. Right  now, my Princess wants to be a mental health therapist. Psychology and all things of the brain fascinate her. She reads scholarly articles for pleasure on those topics. I don't know for sure what God will call her to in 4 years. My part isn't to know - it's to TRUST that He has a great plan for her IF I just guide her with the wisdom to WAIT on Him. 

I challenge you to not get caught up in making the perfect plan for high school (or middle school or elementary school or preschool). I challenge you to stop and ask Him in prayer. Surrender the details of your life to Him. It will be worth it.

Hang the Towel

"The point of wrestling with God is to give you an opportunity to cling to him."

Our home has two bathrooms (tiny house HGTV folks.......TWO....you need TWO). In each of those bathrooms, is one of these rods where you hang a hand towel. 

EVERY time I go to dry my hands, the hand towel is gone. Missing. I'm the ONLY one who can seem to replace a hand towel. 

My house is full of these kinds of things. Things I'm the only one who sees. Things I'm the only one who does. 

No one has ever thanked me for the placement of the hand towel. 

I often feel unnoticed. Unappreciated. 

I'm going to confess there are moments I feel unnoticed in my spiritual life as well. 

I'm diligently praying. Reading His word. And, sometimes I feel silence. 

Like He doesn't see me hanging the hand towel. 

Like if He did see me hanging the hand towel, He'd make Himself known. 

The problem is that I'm trying to hold God responsible for my expectations for earthly relationships. 

I'm expecting my people to show up for me because I show up for them. I'm expecting my people to hang a hand towel every now and then, or say thank you when they see one there. I'm expecting my people to give and take. 

My relationship with God can not be based on my expectations. 

It has to be based on His character. 

I have to trust that He is who He says He is even if. 

Even if He doesn't answer my prayers in the ways I see fit. 

Even if He appears to be silent. 

Even if. 

I trust His character even if. 

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Mama Warriors, this mama gig is all about being unnoticed. Digging in and doing the hard, even if. Even if the preschooler throws a tantrum. Even if the tween rolls his eyes. Even if the teenager is sure I don't understand her. 

I'm hanging the hand towel. 

I'm showing up. I'm trusting. 

I'm trusting He has called me to be unnoticed in this season. But He notices me. He cares about me. He loves me. 

Even if.

Change the Roll

"Life has valleys and mountains and the people who won’t let themselves experience the agony of being in the valley also don’t get to experience the ecstasy of the mountains."

The sight in this picture is a common one in my home. 

I know, shake your head. We have five people and two bathrooms. Four of us are here quite a bit. We go through some toilet paper. 

When I came upon this one this week, I had a my hands full of the laundry I was gathering and decided I'd have to come back and swap that out later. 

As is normal here, I got busy and when I went to use that restroom later, I realized the roll had been changed. 

Only one other person changes the roll in my house. I would bet you won't guess the right one? 

Peanut. 

Peanut is the toilet paper roll changer. She does it without telling anyone, without drawing attention to the fact that she, at the age of 7, had to go search for another roll and replace it. She doesn't yell at her siblings who leave her with no toilet paper regularly. 

She quietly sees a need and she fills it. 

She doesn't ask if it's needed because she knows it is. 

She stands in the gap. 

I didn't sleep much last night. Somewhere between birthing a child at nearly 40, gastro madness, and 40s hormones, my body has forgotten how to sleep. 

When I can't sleep, I begin by praying for all my people. I send thoughts for each of them into the night. 

My heart is heavy for my people. 

People who are grieving hard losses. 

People who are making tough decisions. 

People who are struggling with their health. 

People who are overwhelmed with life. 

People who have broken relationships that need mending. 

I look at each of these people and wonder how in the world I can help them carry these loads?

Then I think - change the toilet paper roll. 

Stand in the gap. 

I pray for them. I write words for them and send via snail mail so they can read them again and again. I send certificates for meals (you do not want me to cook for you - trust me). I message. I check in. I am purposeful in passing down our items we no longer need to those I think may enjoy them. 

I take inventory of what I have to offer, and I change the toilet paper roll. 

I think it's really that simple. 

Loving each other well. 

We aren't called to fix each other. 

I'm not called to heal your grief, mend your broken relationship, maintain your health, or even carry the burdens you've been given. 

I am called to walk alongside you. 

To stand in the gap when you don't know how to pray. 

To remind you that you are enough, you are worthy, you are loved. 

To point you toward the One who can heal your grief, mend your broken relationship, maintain your health and even carry the burdens you've been given. 

Mama Warriors, I think a lot of times we do nothing not because we don't care. We all care very deeply. But because we don't know what to do. 

We feel like we can not make the changes that our people need. 

We are not called to be the fixer. 

We are simply called to change the roll. 

Stand in the gap. 

Walk alongside. 

I challenge you today, on this Sweet Sunday morning, to choose one friend or family member this week to change the roll for. 

Send the card. 

Offer a meal. 

Pray BIG prayers. 

Stand in the gap. 

Change the roll.

unfriend

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."

I've been avoiding writing this one for nearly a month now. I have found that when something is laid upon my heart, not writing about it doesn't make it not exist. 

It just makes it something that I don't wrestle or process or learn from. It becomes something instead that sows a seed of anger or resentment. Or something that just nags at me. 

On the Xman's sixteenth birthday, I wrote what I felt was a thoughtful and loving happy birthday post and included a few pictures of him over the years. 

Within seconds of it posting, he was standing in front of me having a toddler size tantrum about my post. 

Apparently someone might see a picture of him as a cute five year old and do what exactly? Or someone might know his mother loves him and do what exactly? 

I realized that I had for weeks been tempering what I wrote and posted because I knew he would comment. Not just on things that had anything to do with him (because I was careful to not write about him or post pictures of him), but on the smallest of things he became overly critical. 

He walked away after not having a very mature or civilized conversation with me and I decided in that moment that I had allowed his behavior to change my actions. 

So I unfriended and blocked him. 

Yep - the child I gave birth to can longer read my ramblings or share this space with me. 

Honestly - there are very few people related to me that can see these posts (thus the reason they are not public and have to be copied and pasted to share). 

Over time I have had the same struggle with others related to me where I have been criticized and chastised for what I choose to write about or share on MY social media page. Where you also have the choice to either follow or not. 

If I'm honest with myself, the judgement of my choices and conversations around them have always been present. I parent differently than I was parented. I hold a faith that in action looks different than I was raised. I've grown and changed. 

Boundaries are a very hard but very necessary part of life. 

I think we have the hardest time setting boundaries with the people closest to us. 

We are willing to give up the most for those in our inner most circles. 

I think a lot of times we consider this to be part of the sacrifice we are called to live into. 

I challenge it is not. 

We are called to give of ourselves in terms of our time, our gifts, our finances, our talents, our things, our love. 

We are not called to become different people simple to be loved by those close to us. 

I think women struggle with this intimately. 

We think allowing our authenticity to be changed is part of sacrificial love. 

We become lovable by others rather than insisting those around us accept us as worthy and enough as we are. 

When we don't set boundaries, we change the essence of who we are to meet other's needs.

People who authentically love us should not ask us to become different people in order to be worthy of their love. Or like. Or affection. Or time. 

People who love us should not make us feel unworthy, unloved or not enough. 

And if they do - it's because we've allowed it. 

That's a tough truth for me to swallow today. 

Mama Warriors, we teach people how to treat us - we've all heard that. 

Changing who you are to love those around you is not sacrificial love. 

Sacrificial love is pouring out from your authentic self. Giving of your gifts, your talents, your finances, your things, your love. Gifting others pieces of who you are. 

A new common phrase for me is "I don't deserve to be treated this way. I won't be present for this."

It's still hard for me to say. 

I think we have the hardest time setting boundaries with those closest to us but I think they are the most important boundaries we will ever set. 

Have the courage to love yourself. 

I hope over time the people with whom I've set hard boundaries with will come to appreciate both the boundaries and the person setting them. 

But if not, that's okay too. 

Because I am worthy of them. 

And you are too.

AOS Faith

 "When a scripture text seems inconsistent with something Jesus says or the way he acts, and I have to choose between the two, I'll choose Jesus every time. John describes Jesus as God's Word that became flesh: he is the definitive Word of God. All other words in scripture were mediated through ordinary human beings." Adam Hamilton, Half Truths

My favorite grocery store is Aldi.

I'm all about getting enough food for meals for my family for an entire week on only 4 aisles in less than 30 minutes. No wandering around trying to find things. No massive decisions. Want green beans - there's one option. Need canned biscuits? Here's your one choice.

Shopping at Aldi is part of my plan to extinguish decision fatigue.

My favorite aisle at Aldi is collectively known as the "Aisle of Shame" (caw caw anyone?).

For those not bringing your own quarter to shop, the AOS aisle as it's affectionally known is full of everything you want but didn't know you needed. Rainboots? Check. New cutesy planner? Check. Candle or card for a gift? Check.

You don't tell the AOS what you need. It tells you.

As I wandered the AOS letting it speak to me last week, I thought about this idea of "shame."

Brene Brown is my favorite writer on shame. She defines shame as " the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection."

She determines a distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is "is adaptive and helpful—it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort."

If I buy something on the AOS that I don't need, I don't feel guilt. Nothing about purchasing a seasonal adorable gnome for my mantle is inherently evil or wrong.

What I instead feel is shame. I feel bad that I bought something I didn't "need" because I've determined shopping is for necessity.

Apparently this is a common thought as they don't call it the "Aisle of Guilt."

I think a lot of what we label as "guilt" in our lives is actually just "shame."

And shame is like a "should" - it's not helpful.

Guilt is productive. Guilt does a work in our heart and our minds and changes our actions. Or it is designed to.

Shame just makes us feel bad. Shame sends the message that we are never going to be enough. Never going to do enough. Never going to be fully loved.

I'm currently reading this book called Half Truths where the author investigates bumper sticker Christian sayings and asks the question - is that scripture based?

As I'm reading, I'm thinking about how we have misread the Bible as a book intended to make us feel guilt. But what we really feel is shame.

And I'd assert the purpose is neither.

I think we've become a body of Christ who labels things like the Aisle of Shame without ever pausing to ask "Is that truth?"

Or is it just a half truth that has been slapped on a bumper sticker so we believe it?

Did we read that we should feel bad for buying something on the coveted middle aisle of Aldi so we do?

Little known fact. Aldi makes the majority of their income off the middle aisle. That's where the profit margin is the greatest. So every time I buy a cute gnome, not only does my mantle look festive but it helps the cost of my milk stay low.

Taking time to investigate a half truth - to read more than just the single verse some preacher spouted one Sunday - changes the perspective.

Context and culture matter.

A little information goes a long way.

Mama Warriors, I encourage us to be people who don't just feel shame for buying the gnome but rather do the research.

I encourage us to be people to ask the big questions.

To wrestle with scripture.

To come down on the side of Jesus.