Mama Deer

 "It's impossible not to find something likeable in everyone if we get to know them deeply." (Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

One morning on my walk last week a mother deer and her two babies walked right in front of me.

She paused for a moment and looked at me. I'm sure wondering - "Are you a threat to my babies?"

I stopped and remained still and waited for her to run them across the street and into the woods.

Safe.

It's not unheard of for me to see deer in my neighborhood but it's also not a daily, nor even weekly or monthly occurrence.

I always consider it my "God wink" - my "I see you needing a reminder that my creation is good."

I'm going to confess.......scrolling news updates does not give me the impression that "good" is what surrounds me.

I've been unable to write for a while because I'm wrestling with how we speak about people and treat people as a country.

I'm a Mama Deer trying to figure out how to get babies safely to the other side of whatever this is.

And trying to discern who is safe and who is most definitely not.

I'm trying to determine how we do life together in our community when we disagree on the very dignity of human life.

Amidst putting people in inhumane conditions in cages and joking about them being eaten by alligators.........I'm trying to figure out how we do that in the name of Jesus.

Amidst name calling and ridiculing from our leaders...........I'm trying to figure out how we do that while encouraging people to share the name of Jesus but not respect other's religious rights.

I'm trying to remind myself that these kinds of decisions are done out of fear.

The same kind of fear that nailed Jesus to the cross.

Fear of progress. Fear of change. Fear of radical love.

In contrast to the loud clanging, name calling, inhumane treatment of people........Jesus rode quietly in on a donkey.

I'm finding that my job is to wave the palm branches.

And surround myself, and my kid, with people who are waving the palm branches.

To see the good. To name the good.

Mama Warriors, as the quote says above I do think we can find something likeable in everyone if we get to know each other deeply.

But I also think that likeable thing may be something that isn't significant enough to hold a relationship.

And it's okay to let that go.

Kindly and respectfully.

We can be a Mama Deer for ourselves and our kids and discern who is safe and who isn't.

You can't tell your kid to be kind to the new kid at lunch but it's also okay to speak terribly about people who vote differently than you do.

Those values contradict each other.

And they'll know it.

We've got to be a community where the baby deer can cross the street.

Otherwise there is no growth.

And growth is inevitable.

"It's impossible not to find something likeable in everyone if we get to know them deeply." (Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

One morning on my walk last week a mother deer and her two babies walked right in front of me.

She paused for a moment and looked at me. I'm sure wondering - "Are you a threat to my babies?"

I stopped and remained still and waited for her to run them across the street and into the woods.

Safe.

It's not unheard of for me to see deer in my neighborhood but it's also not a daily, nor even weekly or monthly occurrence.

I always consider it my "God wink" - my "I see you needing a reminder that my creation is good."

I'm going to confess.......scrolling news updates does not give me the impression that "good" is what surrounds me.

I've been unable to write for a while because I'm wrestling with how we speak about people and treat people as a country.

I'm a Mama Deer trying to figure out how to get babies safely to the other side of whatever this is.

And trying to discern who is safe and who is most definitely not.

I'm trying to determine how we do life together in our community when we disagree on the very dignity of human life.

Amidst putting people in inhumane conditions in cages and joking about them being eaten by alligators.........I'm trying to figure out how we do that in the name of Jesus.

Amidst name calling and ridiculing from our leaders...........I'm trying to figure out how we do that while encouraging people to share the name of Jesus but not respect other's religious rights.

I'm trying to remind myself that these kinds of decisions are done out of fear.

The same kind of fear that nailed Jesus to the cross.

Fear of progress. Fear of change. Fear of radical love.

In contrast to the loud clanging, name calling, inhumane treatment of people........Jesus rode quietly in on a donkey.

I'm finding that my job is to wave the palm branches.

And surround myself, and my kid, with people who are waving the palm branches.

To see the good. To name the good.

Mama Warriors, as the quote says above I do think we can find something likeable in everyone if we get to know each other deeply.

But I also think that likeable thing may be something that isn't significant enough to hold a relationship.

And it's okay to let that go.

Kindly and respectfully.

We can be a Mama Deer for ourselves and our kids and discern who is safe and who isn't.

You can't tell your kid to be kind to the new kid at lunch but it's also okay to speak terribly about people who vote differently than you do.

Those values contradict each other.

And they'll know it.

We've got to be a community where the baby deer can cross the street.

Otherwise there is no growth.

And growth is inevitable.

Grace for Growth

 "Loving your child by filling them with all your fears doesn't really get you anywhere" Amy Betters Midtvedt

Let me introduce you to 12.

12 is the "Actually" phase. No matter what I say, the child responds with "Actually Mom, it's.........." followed by some miniscule correction. Such as "Oh - what a pretty blue sky." ...."Actually Mom it's azure."

12 is the "Do I look okay?" FYI there is no correct answer to that. If I say "yes, of course." The response is "Ugh you are just saying that because you are my mom." If I say "I think a different shirt might work better." The response is "Ugh you don't know anything about fashion."

12 is forever the "in between" years.

12 is "Look at me Mom" as you rate the jump or flip for the 100th time.

12 is also the "Don't look at me. Ugh." Because somehow my thoughtful smile is now offensive.

12 is growing and stretching and nothing feels quite right.

I have this deep empathy for 12.

I think the 40's might just be 12 in disguise again.

On this side of 50 (woo hoo welcome a new decade) , I see a lot of 12 in the last decade.

This growing and stretching and being not quite comfortable in your own mind, body or soul.

This trying to figure out now that the kids are (mostly) grown (let's laugh), some people do their own laundry, people drive themselves places.........what now?

Turns out if you aren't always on the go, if you slow down - you might find that your soul is unsettled.

Your "Sunday school religion" might not fit you well anymore.

The group of friends you've done life with may not be in the same season anymore.

Maybe the job, the house, the places you go just aren't "yours" anymore.

You just might be in between.

And in between is uncomfortable.

I'll take my comfort zone over new any day of the week.

Mama Warriors, I think sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to admit something isn't working.

To give words to what we know somewhere in our gut.

And then........set it free.

And while we are in between, feeling out of my place in our skin, let's be kind to ourselves.

Grace for growth.

And maybe, let's have a little grace for growth for the "actually in between" phase of 12 too.

Build the Bridge

 "It's impossible not to find something likeable in everyone if we get to know them deeply." Lori Gottlieb

Each month my book club rotates who gets to pick the book of the month. Last month, one of our members picked "Legends and Lattes."

I'm going to confess - it's not a book I would have ever picked on my own. I'm not a huge fantasy reader (Fourth Wing aside) and I tend to get my book recommendations from various blogs I subscribe to which don't have a fantasy focus.

However, part of joining a book club is to stretch yourself and read things that may be outside of your comfort zone. It's design is such that you read things you may not grab off a shelf and then you discuss it.

When someone picks a book - that particular book/genre/theme says something about that person. It nods to what they find important or what they enjoy.

I read this book because the PERSON who picked the book is important to me. I read it so I could get a glimpse into why she chose it.

I feel like as moms we are pretty good at this skill within our own people.

At least once a day I take a tour of a Minecraft house that I have ZERO desire to see. But my kid is currently in a Minecraft house building phase and so into it I step.

My kid is important to me and so I step into her world. Willingly. With respect and curiosity.

I ask questions about the house. I "notice and name" - "Wow, this house has cool windows that open." (notice) "You are very creative." (name).

I do feel like though we struggle with this with the people outside our house.

We only want to do, talk about or participate in what WE want to.

If we don't step into other people's lives and experience their world, we will never fully understand each other.

And we will never know each other deeply.

And because we don't know each other deeply, we become a society divided constantly.

Our differences would seem less large if we found common ground.

We also send the message to others in our lives "What I want is more important than you."

The kids I tutor are more important than what I want so I sit through countless readings of books about Hawkeye and Dogman.

And when I sit while they read to me, I get to learn a little about what makes us the same. We all like a good laugh.

The older ladies at church are more important than what I want so I participate in listening about their garden or their grandchild.

And when I sit while they talk to me, I get to learn a little about what makes us the same. We all have a love for others.

Mama Warriors, as I continue to watch our community become more and more divided, I can't help but think connection will be what saves us.

Connection is built through stepping into someone else's world with respect and curiosity.

It's reading that book club book and wondering - where do I see myself in this book? Where might the one who chose it see themselves?

I think it's easy (sometimes) to put others first when we are in a serving frame of mind.

But what if we approached every day as an opportunity to bridge the gaps?

What if we laid boards on the bridge instead of digging the hole?

Undone

 "Engaging the faith of others will almost certainly cause you to lose faith in the old box you kept God in" Barbara Brown Taylor

Twice a week this summer, Peanut and I are volunteering in our church's literacy outreach program.

24 precious children show up in their daycare bus, unload and bound into our church.

They are greeted with warmth and smiles.

We try to work with them on not just decoding reading skills but also on general literacy skills.

The first week or two I stumbled in trying to figure out what to bring, what lessons to try to accomplish as most days the children who show up are in some hodge podge rotation.

I asked them about interests. I did some basic reading level screenings. I went to the library and got them a wide variety of books on topics they were interested in. I made them flash cards. Brought them games.

Over the last few weeks, I've realized what these children really need is someone to pay attention to them.

Someone to listen when they talk.

Someone to ask questions.

Someone to truly care about the small.

They need someone to invest in them.

So we read about Hawkeye but I also get to see their cool martial arts move they made up in case one day they become Hawkeye.

We read about emotions and I learn who likes to draw when they are sad versus who likes to withdraw in.

I want Peanut to understand that different families have to make different choices.

Perhaps no one can read with these kids individually because the single mom is outnumbered by the kids. Or the mom and dad both work incredibly hard to stay afloat so these kids have homes, food, and shoes on their feet. Many of these kids are loved incredibly by their parents - I can tell in the stories they share about their homes.

There just isn't someone to bridge the gap between school and home.

I want her to see that in a community of love - we bridge the gap.

Each week in church we say this:

"Have mercy upon us, most merciful Father; in your compassion forgive us our sings, known and unknown, things done and left undone."

It's that last phrase that catches me every single time.

Things left undone.

I think we can all (mostly) identify the things we've done that we shouldn't.

We spoke harshly when we should have held our tongue.

We participated in gossip when we should have refrained.

It's the things left undone that keep me up at night.

Did I see a need and not meet it?

From the moment the church announced the number of kids struggling with reading in our community - I had seen the need.

It falls in that category - did you see someone hungry and not feed them?

I firmly believe we are not all called to meet every need.

Our church alone announces 6-8 things a week where a need is identified.

They are not all mine to fill.

But some of them are.

Some of them are definitely my "things left undone."

So I show up each week.

The funny thing about serving to me is I always go into thinking I'm going to do something for someone else.

This past week my little table was rambunctious. They were wiggly. Working on reading when reading is hard for you is........hard. We had worked hard on decoding so we took a minute to just listen. I read them a book and they colored a bookmark to take home while they listened.

As the children lined up to board the bus to leave, one of my wiggly boys came running back, barreling into me with the most loving hug I've ever received.

I don't at all think he cares currently about his reading ability.

I do think he knows I care about him.

I do think he knows how he felt after we spent time together.

Each week as we end the service, we say :

"Send us now into the world in peace, and grant us strength and courage to love and serve you with gladness and singleness of heart."

I think about phrase a lot.

How these kids, and I, we fill our wells in different churches each week.

We draw from a different source.

But yet, singleness of heart.

Mama Warriors, I hope this summer you find a chance for your kids to serve outside your box.

To serve people who live different lives than they do.

Let's gift them the chance to see and not leave it undone.