Did you Know

 "Jesus didn't enter the world in a palace or king's court. Instead, He chose to enter our world right in a pile of mucky, messy, stinky, dirty straw. Jesus comes and meets you in the stinky mess of your sin. The Lord saves. Jesus is with us. A love this unbeatable, unstoppable, unwrappable is a love that the mind can't fully understand. It can only be felt."

There was a shift in our schedule unexpectedly today and we ended up free to attend the Christmas Eve service at church.

We went to the interactive family one early in the day.

Peanut stood up, with her glow stick radiant, and sang with such joy in her heart. I may have ugly cried through her entire "Mary Did you Know."

I looked over at SD and we both had that teary eye glowing smile.

We're doing it. This parenting thing. Round 3.

And we're doing okay.

Not perfect. Some days not even great.

But we're showing up.

I looked at the words on the screen "Mary did you know?" - and I thought, "HECK NO she did not know what she was saying "yes" too."

None of us do really.

We've been parented. We've seen other people parent.

But nothing prepares you for the moment someone hands you this child to raise and says "do your best."

I think if we knew - many, if not all of us, would not say yes.

It would firmly be a thanks but no thanks conversation.

Parenting is the ultimate loss of control.

We plant the seeds. We pour. We water. We nurture.

And we step back and we hope.

We hope.

We pray.

We wait.

In the song they ask Mary the big things - did she know he'd be a Savior? Did she know he's help a blind man see?

They don't ask her did she know that once she'd leave him in a temple for 3 days and he'd be lost and she'd be panicking? They don't ask her if she knew he would or wouldn't sleep through the night? Or have toddler tantrums? Or think he's a full grown man by the time he's 12?

It's easy to ask did we know they'd be great.

We spend their wholes lives hoping, praying for greatness.

We forget that they'll be human. They'll stumble, they'll fall, they will be lost, they will wander, they will doubt, they will question. They will struggle.

Did Mary know it'd be hard?

Probably. It was off to a very odd and rocky start you know. She probably figured that was bound to be an indication that this parenting thing would require a lot of her.

She believed that when He gifted her a son that it would be good.

Simply because he was His.

Mama Warriors, the next 24 hours or so will be rocky for many.

Some of us will be missing people who aren't here this year for various reasons.

Some of us will celebrate with people where relationships are strained or stretched or broken.

Some of us will be jealous of the grass is greener photographs we are bound to see.

I will confess - I'm already jealous of those of you who manage to get all of your people to take a picture together, and even more so, appear to be enjoying it.

Did we know Christmas would look different?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

He knew.

We have to find space where that's enough.

We can't put the broken back together again, we can merely embrace that we were meant to sit in the mess this year.

We are called to come to the manger.

Ugly Christmas Sweater

 "Everybody has a plan until you get punched in the face." Mike Tyson

This morning I had the pleasure of voluntolding (You know when they tell you have to volunteer) at Xman's school.

My job was to secure the premises. Well, not really but that sounded better.

My job was to sit outside the bathroom and frequently check the bathroom to make sure it was clean, not damaged, etc.

As one can imagine, I met quite a few students today as they came/went from the restroom area.

Today is the last day for most before Christmas break. There were presentations to give. Projects to turn in. Midterms to take.

Stress abounds.

Just a few feet from me was the "Ugly Christmas Sweater" competition. You could have your picture taken to enter. There were new from Walmart sweaters. Home made sweaters with duct tape and decorations. Borrowed from a fun grandma sweater.

Silliness abounds.

It was odd to see within a few feet of each other, from the same students, this juxtaposition of feelings.

Stress.

Silliness.

You could tell some students had totally succumbed to the stress. No silly Christmas sweater. No time for fun.

Others appeared to have thrown in the stress towel and gone all aboard the silly train.

I was thinking as I watched the students today how being able to find the joy in the stress is a life skill.

There will always be hard. Therefore, there will always be stress.

BUT.

There will always be the option of joy.

Mama Warriors, help us prepare for Christmas by choosing joy.

Remind us that joy comes in when we allow ourselves to embrace what is ours to carry.

Joy lies in the fight, in the attempts, in the suffering - not in the victories.

Joy is in the journey.

Joy is sporting the ugly Christmas sweater in the midst of the suffering.

Joy was found laying in the manger. Help us come to the manger and receive the joy that is offered.

Short Cuts

 "We only find out where we are when we find out where He is. We only find ourselves .......when we find Him. We lost ourselves at one tree. And only find ourselves at another. ....Wise men are only wise because they make their priority the seeking of Christ."

Peanut begins every morning excitedly looking for Snowflake (her elf).

Last year I purchased a kit that gave me a little calendar and all the supplies for Snowflake to show up every day from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve with silly antics.

She loved it so much that I ordered one again this year.

My kit arrived this year missing about 1/3 of the supplies. There are entire days missing and for some of the days I have, I don't have all the necessary supplies as promised.

Every night as I pull out my magic box, I'm again disgruntled that my short cut to the elf game is not working.

That the elf magic is once again left up to me to create, carry out, and prepare for.

A lesson I've learned several times over is that often the short cut is more expensive, more time consuming, and less rewarding.

I have a stack of advent books on my shelf.

I keep expecting one of these "short cuts" to get me ready for Christmas.

That merely reading the daily blurb will be enough for me prepare Him room.

While it's a valuable piece of my journey to Christmas, it's not enough to get to me to Christmas morning.

The blurb alone won't make my heart ready for the manger.

Peanut and I have been without a car most days since Thanksgiving.

I laugh every year as God finds someway to force me to be still in this season.

We have spent more days at home than not since the day Snowflake arrived.

I'm learning that I need the long road to the manger.

I need the advent readings. I need long walks with sermons in my ears. I need to write from the heart both here, in my journal, in messages and in cards I send out.

I need to read good books with Peanut. I need to cry when the Herdmans give their ham to the church. I need to laugh at "Santa I know him!" I need Christmas hymns to flow through my home.

Mama Warriors, there is no short cut to Christmas.

If you want to wake up Christmas morning with room for Him, YOU have to prepare and make room.

Peace

 In the last 30 years, I've had 1 "normal" mammogram.

I started having issues at 17 and have had some form of imaging done annually every since.

I can say imaging has come a long way, as well as approach, in the last 30 years.

They used to remove EVERYTHING. After they removed a lump, they would run pathology and then decide what to do moving forward.

Then they moved to needle biopsying. Everything.

Finally, imaging has come so far that they can now tell whether something is potentially cancerous or not without any invasive procedures.

So for the last few years, my annual mammogram always turns into a "please come back for further testing" moment. They do ultrasounds, get better pictures, and make the call that way.

Every year when I make this appointment, I go into it with the idea I'm getting the "come back" call. They don't send that in the mail.

This year I put it off for a few months because I wanted the come back call to be done in the New Year because I haven't met my deductible for insurance and so why start now?

Life has been chaotic here and I had sort of forgotten I had gone for the appointment.

Until I got the "normal" letter in the mail.

I realized when I opened that letter, I've given up hoping that it will come.

Hope is a tricky thing for the mathematical realist in me.

Statistically the letter isn't coming.

The odds are not in my favor.

I have been thinking this morning as I look at the lights hanging in my window to remind me of the premise of Advent.

Advent is about the gift of Hope.

It's about believing something that has never happened before can happen.

But it's also about finding peace in the reality that most times the letter doesn't come.

And learning to live a life full of joy with the knowledge that sometimes the letters come on the other side.

It's not ours to decide.

There's some freedom in that.

That's where we find peace.

In previous years, I would have made myself crazy waiting for the call. I would have mentally walked through all the possibilities.

Instead, this year I knew that I have no control over the call versus letter scenario.

It's only my job to show up for the test.

Mama Warriors, as we continue to walk the season of advent, with the too full schedules, let us all take a moment to remember our only job is to show up for the test.

Let's lean in to his tugs and remember we are called to obey.

We are not called to control the outcome of obedience.

Help us remember it's up to us to let every heart prepare Him room.

Remind us that peace is not a product of our environment or our production. Peace is a product of our investment. Peace comes when our actions match our intentions.

Peace was found laying in the manger. Help us come to the manger and help us to receive the true peace that is offered at the manger.

Carry Me

 "Faith is the gift of God. So is the air, but you have to breathe it. So is bread, but you have to eat it. So is water, but you have to drink it."

Peanut has not let up about Snowflake missing her skirt. It's like a puzzle she has to solve. This week she remembered last year she threw up on Snowflake and we had to wash her.

"Mama maybe we lost her skirt when we washed her? Maybe it's our fault she doesn't have her skirt."

I can't solve all the puzzles, or fix all the wrongs, but I decided I could order Snowflake a new skirt and take that worry of responsibility away from her.

Turns out there are these super creative etsy folks who make elf clothing. Who knew? Xman picked out a few and we hit "order."

Snowflake arrived this morning in one of her new skirts and all is well in the elf world again. For now.

I carry much of the Christmas magic.

Can I get an amen mama warriors?

If the elf is going to get a new skirt, it will have to be me.

If presents are going to appear magically on Christmas morning, it will have to be me.

If the advent readings are to be done, the candles to be lit, it will have to be me.

If the cards are going to be sent, the Secret Santa gifts bought, the cookies baked, it will have to be me.

Often I feel like I'm dragging these people of mine to Christmas.

Last night as I was getting out of bed in a daze to go fit Snowflake with her new skirt, I began to wonder................

Who's carrying ME to Christmas?

I began to pray "God carry me to Christmas. With hope. With peace. With joy. With love. Carry me to Christmas."

Mama Warriors, this morning in church we sang version of O Come All Ye Faithful.

"Oh come all ye faithful

Come let us adore Him

Oh sing hallelujah

Come let us adore Him"

It doesn't say "come all ye perfect" or "come all ye who are ready to come" or even "come all ye who deserve to come"

It just says "Come all ye faithful."

All ye who are carrying Christmas, come.

Let Him carry you.

Click

 "You have made us for yourself O Lord. And our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

Between the kennel cough, and the neutering surgery, and well, life, we've run into a few training snags with Mo Trouble.

Mo Trouble is an incredibly loving and sweet tempered puppy.

Mo Trouble is also an incredibly rambunctious and active puppy who likes to get into, well trouble.

While Peanut and I dearly love Mo, and spending time with him, we are unfortunately for him, not 30 pound cockapoo puppies. Our limbs are not made for wrestling, we do not enjoy being objects in a tug of war game, and our clothes don't seem to be as sturdy as his fur.

This week I ordered a clicker trainer in order to switch up our approach to helping Mo learn how we expect him to behave.

Clicker training is a "mark and reward" method. You "click" the clicker to mark the exact moment of the behavior you want, and then you reward with a treat. The idea being that sometimes we aren't marking what we think we are marking because of the lag between the command and the treat. So the clicker acts as a bridge - telling the dog "that thing you did RIGHT NOW - it's the good thing."

Today our main goal was to teach Mo that the sound the clicker makes is the most fantastic thing in the world. If he hears the sound, he gets a big prize. Right then.

We picked "sit" to teach this because Mo does a fine sit - should nothing else exciting be going on.

I say "Sit" - the minute his bottom hits the ground, I click, then we give him a treat.

Our ultimate goal is to replace some unwanted behaviors like jumping and biting, with goal behaviors like sitting or lying down on his mat. Both things he knows how to do BUT he does not currently find sitting preferably to jumping and biting my hands.

All day today Mo has followed me, my clicker, and my treat pouch around. He's more than happy to sit anytime I stop. Often before I can get the command out!

He has quickly learned that clicking is his new favorite thing.

We set aside 100 pieces of kibble today and he has excitedly earned every single one.

Mo and I are both motivated by a good snack.

I've been thinking today as I watch him learning the new system and how eager he is to do what I want him to do because he's learned it's advantageous for him.

I'm on day 2 of an advent book I started with my goal being to journey to the manger intentionally this year. To make time and space for reading, prayer, for looking for the light.

I was pondering today why it's always so hard for me to stick with a plan.

I think because having a healthy spiritual life is nearly the opposite of clicker training.

I read, I pray, I am still.............and often there is no immediate click. No treat within 10 seconds.

Instead there is this trust that the click is silent. That the treat comes in His timing.

This making us a hard people to train I think.

And a people that question whether we got the command right?

Are we supposed to be doing a sit now? Maybe it's a lay? And we either ditch obedience all together or we start fluttering around looking for the click in all different ways.

Mama Warriors, I find my spiritual life falls under that often neglected "self care" category.

There is no click right away like there is when we make the lunches, drive the people around, cross of the to do's.

But the sit is more important than those things. The click is internal.

The treat is eternal.