Peace

 In the last 30 years, I've had 1 "normal" mammogram.

I started having issues at 17 and have had some form of imaging done annually every since.

I can say imaging has come a long way, as well as approach, in the last 30 years.

They used to remove EVERYTHING. After they removed a lump, they would run pathology and then decide what to do moving forward.

Then they moved to needle biopsying. Everything.

Finally, imaging has come so far that they can now tell whether something is potentially cancerous or not without any invasive procedures.

So for the last few years, my annual mammogram always turns into a "please come back for further testing" moment. They do ultrasounds, get better pictures, and make the call that way.

Every year when I make this appointment, I go into it with the idea I'm getting the "come back" call. They don't send that in the mail.

This year I put it off for a few months because I wanted the come back call to be done in the New Year because I haven't met my deductible for insurance and so why start now?

Life has been chaotic here and I had sort of forgotten I had gone for the appointment.

Until I got the "normal" letter in the mail.

I realized when I opened that letter, I've given up hoping that it will come.

Hope is a tricky thing for the mathematical realist in me.

Statistically the letter isn't coming.

The odds are not in my favor.

I have been thinking this morning as I look at the lights hanging in my window to remind me of the premise of Advent.

Advent is about the gift of Hope.

It's about believing something that has never happened before can happen.

But it's also about finding peace in the reality that most times the letter doesn't come.

And learning to live a life full of joy with the knowledge that sometimes the letters come on the other side.

It's not ours to decide.

There's some freedom in that.

That's where we find peace.

In previous years, I would have made myself crazy waiting for the call. I would have mentally walked through all the possibilities.

Instead, this year I knew that I have no control over the call versus letter scenario.

It's only my job to show up for the test.

Mama Warriors, as we continue to walk the season of advent, with the too full schedules, let us all take a moment to remember our only job is to show up for the test.

Let's lean in to his tugs and remember we are called to obey.

We are not called to control the outcome of obedience.

Help us remember it's up to us to let every heart prepare Him room.

Remind us that peace is not a product of our environment or our production. Peace is a product of our investment. Peace comes when our actions match our intentions.

Peace was found laying in the manger. Help us come to the manger and help us to receive the true peace that is offered at the manger.