Fixer Uppers

 Tonight will be the first night Xman won't be here for Halloween and I'm feeling a little sappy about that......seems 2020 is a year for change, changing the menu, changing the tradition, changes.......

It's still true today what I wrote a few years ago though.....

"God says, "I didn't ask you to become new and improved today. That wasn't the goal. You were broken down and strange yesterday, and you still are today. The only one freaked out about it is you."

Halloween always makes me a little sentimental. A wee bit sappier than usual. Sweet Daddy and I moved into this house just before Halloween in 2000. We handed out candy together with boxes scattered everywhere. We were engaged, small wedding plans were in the works. I made a big pot of chili - that became the tradition.

In 2001, on Halloween I would take not 1 but 4 pregnancy tests just to be sure. I bought one of those scary "Boo - we're pregnant" cards and crossed out the "ha ha ha" on the inside. I learned chili and pregnancy don't go together. The next year we would pull the Princess around in her ladybug costume, our first Halloween as a family of 3. Halloween of 2003 I suspected the Xman was growing but it would be another week before we knew for sure. And the following year, we would pull two kids around in the wagon - a Spiderman and a Princess. Each year, we would make chili, trick or treat, and snuggle in for The Great Pumpkin with Charlie Brown. Some holidays are about rushing from here to there, but Halloween has always been ours. Just the 2 of us. The 3 of us. The 4 of us. and now, the 5 of us.

While we said "I do" on April Fool's day, it's always Halloween that has been our roots. It's where we began our own traditions. It's when our family made our house a home. It's the beginning of a great story.

I look around our house sometimes and forget it's our home. That it's lived in and loved. I get overwhelmed with dingy carpet, peeling cabinets, a front porch that is falling apart, and an a/c unit that is ticked off it's still in the 80's outside.

Our home has grown into a fixer upper.

Other than those rare folks on HGTV, no one wants to live in a Fixer Upper. We all want "move in ready," new homes.

I look in the mirror and think the same thing about me. Man, I'm looking rough these days? I'm a fixer upper in need of a haircut, some clothes that fit, and something I probably can't even define.

And that's just what is visible. There's the anxiety, the fear, the health struggles, the brokenness.

I'm thankful we serve a God of Fixer Uppers. He's a Chip and Joanna Gaines God - looking for the worst, with the desire of using the growth to His glory.

We serve an "as is" God. Come as you are. Fixer Upper and all.

Our God appreciates character over perfection.

He's not swayed by our brokenness. Our level of imperfection is not new to Him.

There's a song I play over and over on youtube because it speaks to me. Reminds me:

I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

By the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms

Praise God, just as I am

Just as I am. Fixer Upper and all.

9 But he said to me, “My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So I am very happy to brag about how weak I am. Then Christ’s power can rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9

Mama Warriors, Halloween is a time to dress up, be something different. Pretend. And that's fun for a night. Lucky for us though, we serve a God of Fixer Uppers. There's no need to dress up and pretend every day. You are worthy, just as you are. Broken and beautiful. Bittersweet.

October 2020 first published