Leak

 "Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here." Ann Voskamp.

We had planned for months to take Peanut to the aquarium and the zoo in Chattanooga for her fall break. We are studying swimming creatures in science this year and she's studying zoo animals as her research topic for literature.

I waited until two weeks before our trip dates to book both because it was less expensive and because I've found that life frequently interrupts my best laid plans.

I booked the hotel, paid in full, non refundable.

Then the dominoes began to fall.

The repair we've been putting off on the truck suddenly became a necessity. The part we need has doubled in price as they've come out with a "better one."

When I went down to get suitcases and bags, I realized we had a bathroom leak coming from our hall bathroom. The insulation was wet, the ceiling tiles damaged. My investigation led me to realize it was beyond youtube and we would need a plumber.

The morning of the trip, the car would not start. When we put the car in reverse the engine revved but the car did not go.

I sat in the car and began to ponder - are we supposed to be going out of town?

I was already hesitant as we were leaving our two young adults home. While both are responsible, the two young people out driving in older cars with us far from home still makes me nervous.

I haven't traveled in 7 years. My last two trips were early on the gastro madness and were, for lack of a better work, traumatizing for me.

I struggle sometimes with knowing what are signs that I shouldn't do something, and what are obstacles I'm meant to overcome.

Am I supposed to read all the red flags as a sign we are supposed to stay home?

Or I am supposed to take a deep breath and recognize that even in challenging circumstances, I can step outside my comfort zone?

I've decided that life isn't a game show where there is one right door to pick and the others are merely consolation prizes.

I read something this year that suggested that God isn't quizzing you. He hasn't picked some one right way for you and your job is to constantly be guessing what it is.

Rather, He's given you the opportunity to spend time with Him and know how to make good choices.

Whatever you chose, if chosen in good faith, will be the path He blesses.

If we had stayed home, I am confident that our time together, and some bonus time with our big kids would have been abundantly blessed.

We did decide to go, and our time with Peanut was blessed, as well as our big kids further exercising their independence.

This acceptance has made navigating choices easier for me. I'm not constantly torn on trying to guess what the right door is.

Rather, I'm confident that when I list my personal values, my family goals and my boundaries, that I can make choices that will be blessed in some format.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too have moments where you are sitting in a car that won't start wondering if traveling is the right move.

Maybe you become overwhelmed with trying to hear His plan for you.

What if we released the burden and just simply spent time in His presence? What if we took the decisions and weighed them against what we know to be true?

What if we expected the best?