ER Doctors

 "If there is not mutuality in a relationship, it's not a relationship."

A few weeks ago I spent a Saturday morning in the Emergency Room.

There's something about the Emergency Room that gives you a feeling of desperation. After the pain meds, the tests, the labs, the discussions.......they come back and say "This is the issue. This is what you do."

I'm ever the realist so my first question is ALWAYS - if that doesn't work, then what?

They say "Follow up with a specialist."

The ER is really just a one stop triage shop. They know a LITTLE about all the things. Enough to put a poor band aid on for the moment but then you have to SEEK out someone who knows more. Better.

As I laid around that weekend doing all the recommended things, it kept circling through my head "Wait. See. Follow up."

Waiting is lonely as hell let me tell you.

As the weeks have passed, and I'm "waiting" and "seeing" I've been thinking about how like ER doctors we all really are.

We show up in the emergency. We say the prayer. We bring the meal. We make the donation.

But then send the silent message. "Wait." "See." Alone.

I'm feeling convicted about being an ER doctor friend. Showing up with the gesture but not following through day in and day out. So people aren't "waiting" alone. People aren't "seeing" alone. People aren't alone.

It's no secret I'm in a weird season of parenting over here. I'm feeling this intense sense of disconnection from these people that I've mothered so fully. Not perfectly. But fully.

I'm "waiting" to "see" what becomes of the seeds I've planted. And I'll be honest, there are many days where I think I've planted weeds. And they're multiplying.

This week was a double whammy of Mother's Day and my birthday. Honestly I was feeling disappointed, overwhelmed and sad.

I woke up yesterday morning to a present in my garage, dropped off by a loving friend, that perfectly epitomizes our friendship. I lit a candle gifted by another friend that makes me smile. I set my hot tea mug on a mug warmer that is thoughtful and personal. A gift card arrived so I could buy the thing I really wanted.

And in my mailbox was this card with a list of words to describe me.

Definitely not the words I was telling myself yesterday.

Mama Warriors, we must surround ourselves with specialists.

The village is full of ER friends.

We must pull close the specialists. The ones who know us intimately. The ones who show up for us day after day. The ones who make sure we never "wait" and "see" alone.

And we must be specialists.

We've gotten the idea twisted that relationships are all about what we get and how we feel.

Relationships are about loving each other well.

As we're commanded to do.