Graduation Tears?

 "Love is how we treat someone, not how we feel about them."

This morning was graduation recognition at church. I watched as several young people stood, surrounded by their family, and were prayed over as they chose their next steps.

I watched as my own child refused to participate.

There's a long list of things that have been refused. Senior pictures. Graduation party. Senior recognition at church. Senior activities at school.

In all honesty, we had to insist upon the graduation ceremony and a lunch with grandparents. Not request. Insist. The pictures are a farce at what that day felt like.

For those of you arriving at graduation this week with mixed emotions, I feel you. Me too.

Everyone kept asking me how I was doing having graduated a kid I personally educated for 13 years.

I cried not one tear over my child at graduation (many tears over an empty seat but that's a different post).

I arrived at graduation weary. It's been a long semester.

I've already cried all the tears. Grieved the change.

Graduation was a formality.

For those of you walking a similar path this week, let me share. Yes, this is hard.

Social media is no friend as you watch everyone else's kid lovingly show up in all the ways. Excited to celebrate. Hugging their family. Truly pouring love.

You watch everyone else's kid make choices about their future you wish your own child would make.

People keep sharing with me this idea of "soiling the nest." As a person who doesn't shit where she eats (sorry for the language), I find this to be a terrible description for life in our home in the last 5 months.

A kid we've loved, supported and poured into is somehow a kid I barely recognize.

I've hesitated writing this for not wanting to paint a picture of my kid for others because I assure you their version of the story looks much different than ours.

However, I realized as I sat in church today, this is not a story about him.

It's a story about me.

It's a visual of how wrapped up my identity is in being his mother.

"Jesus show me who you are that I might know who I am."

His behavior is not my identity.

It's just that. His.

Mama Warriors, regardless of how you are walking to graduation this week, there's room to pause and remember that your identity is not being their mother.

You are a child of God who is called to go forth and make disciples.

Not this one you're graduating.

Maybe for you, too, this is a good time to pause and reflect on where your focus is and what your feelings about this event mean.

If you are arriving at graduation weary and maybe touched by that green eyed monster, it's okay.

I recommend a cold coke and big piece of cake to take a moment and recognize that it's all hard.

And then let's remind ourselves that we are not defined by motherhood. And let that be freeing.

Let their walk be just that. THEIRS.