Happiness

 "Love offers people both roots and wings. Love is liberating."

A month or so ago Peanut and I completed a mother daughter bible study. In that bible study, the author suggested that we start a journal. A safe space that Peanut and I could openly share with each other.

Peanut was beyond excited. I, having attempted this with two children before her, was a lot more skeptical. However, I bought the journal. I wrote the opening "mom message" about how in this journal we can share anything. I set up the system for where the journal goes when we've written in it.

The journal came with some prompt pages and some free space pages. Peanut immediately began to fill every page with her concerns that the journal wasn't really a safe space. She worried I'd be disappointed or upset with her if she shared certain thoughts.

As I pondered what to write back to Peanut, I began to circle around this burden Peanut feels to make me happy.

I journaled back to her that its not her job to make me happy.

My happiness is MY responsibility.

Not hers.

She can share anything because at the end of the day, my love for her is truly unconditional. Might I be upset about something she writes? Sure. I'm only human. As she is. I expect we'll both make mistakes and both need space for grace.

Things in our home have been different the last few months. Peanut has picked up on the shift in tone and dynamics.

She's carrying this burden to make me happy because she knows her siblings are currently unconcerned about my happiness.

I've spent a lot time this month processing this idea of why we think others are responsible for our happiness.

In reality, I don't think others are responsible for making me happy but perhaps I think they are to blame if I'm not? Is that the same thing?

As I've tried to reassure Peanut that its not her job, I've been trying to set some boundaries and work on owning my own joy.

It's hard to not let your circumstances, your challenges define your days. They do seem to take up a good bit of it don't they?

Peanut and I have made it through several rounds of hard things to share. I'm proud of her for making me earn the right to hear her story.

I'm also thankful for vulnerable moments to share truths.

She's responsible for her own happiness. I can't make her happy.

She gets to chose what to do with her big feelings. She gets to chose her own boundaries and dreams.

Part of that process is walking the hard.

I fear we've become a society that wants our kids to be "happy" (which seems like an elusive and hard to define goal) rather than people who have skills to make themselves happy. Those are two very different things.

Mama Warriors, as we go into summer.........where the days often seem endless.........I challenge you to take off your cruise director hat and let your kids be bored. Without screens.

I challenge you to let them figure out what makes them happy. What brings them joy. Give them resources and time and space to explore.

Remind them, and you, that they are responsible for their own happiness.

And remember that you are responsible for yours.

Perhaps summer is good time for change?

All reac