I Chose Us

 "You can't control your circumstances but you can control the voices that you listen to. The counsel."

Once the Christmas decorations are down, and the chaos has subdued (read all commitments are checked off) - I sit with a coke, a fuzzy blanket, and I watch Family Man.

It's my favorite Christmas movie but I never watch it until in the checklist of all the magic making things are all done.

If you haven't seen it, it's a cross between a Christmas Carol twist and a Hallmark movie of sorts.

In the movie, Jack is given a "glimpse" at what could have been if he had taken a different route in life. If he'd chosen love over aspiration/goals.

There comes a point in the movie where Jack thinks maybe he could have it all - maybe he could have the love he chose AND the aspiration.

In this moment, his wife says this to him :

“If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us.”

I cry every single time she gives this little monologue. Even though I have it memorized.

"I choose us" is a theme of the movie. What happens if you do choose us? What happens if you don't?

I've been thinking this week about what it means when you "choose" something - when you are all in, ready to give up anything.

In addition to having the strangest COVID Christmas ever, we also somehow celebrated Festivus. A few days before Christmas the big kids and I sat down and aired all our grievances.

It was both beautiful and ugly and I'll leave it at that.

I got to thinking how I'm often frustrated with their behavior toward me after ALL that I CHOSE to sacrifice because I've continually "chose us."

Sometimes in parenting it's hard to be the adult.

To remember that me choosing us was about ME - it was never about them.

It somehow often seems like it's about them because it was FOR them.

But it was always about ME.

I'll always be flawed with a large learning curve.

The wonder for me this week is where we merge healthy boundaries with flawed relationships.

In relationship where we continually say "I choose us" what happens when the other person doesn't?

As looked back at the picture of Sweet Daddy and I celebrating our first New Years Eve last night, I had to laugh.

Who were those kids? Seriously?

It would take a little over 3 years for us to reach a point where we said "I choose us" in the form of "I do" in what was definitely the best choice I've made.

The thing is, I wake up every day needing to make that same choice.

"I choose us."

Whatever the risk.

Whatever the cost.

Whatever the chaos that will ensue.

I choose us.

I think in any healthy relationship, there are days one of you carries the choice for the other. I'm going to tell you....day 13 or so of a covid quarantine is a day some else is going to have to do the choosing. I'm just saying.

But you do that for each other. You stand in the gap on the days the other one struggles.

And when struggles arise outside your home, you choose each other. You remember that you promised to cleave and leave. You choose us.

And for these teenagers who think they need different parents, you keep choosing them. Even if they wouldn't choose you. Especially if they wouldn't choose you.

Because what I'm really modeling is how Jesus chooses me every single day.

Even if I don't choose Him in that moment.

He shows up and says I will fight for you, I will support you, I am "Team Michele."

I choose us.

Mama Warriors, as I sit today with the little one building with blocks, and Tangled playing on my TV, I'm thinking of what my word will be for this year.

I'm thinking about what 2020 gave us. So many gifts.

Challenges, yes. But gifts also.

It challenged my "I chose us" in so many ways. I'm not sure 2020 brought out the best in many of us.

So today, I'm thinking about committing to "I choose us."

I choose my marriage.

I choose my children.

I choose my family.

I choose my friends.

But most of all, I choose my Jesus.

I'm all in.

Team Jesus.

Can we all say going into 2021 that we'll do whatever He asks?

Can we all say we'd give up everything that makes us comfortable if He asks?

Can we all say "I choose us?"