Fill the seats

 “When I stopped trying to block my sadness and let it move me instead, it led me to a bridge with people on the other side.” … I learned that sadness does not sink a person; it is the energy a person spends trying to avoid sadness that does that.”

― Barbara Brown Taylor

"Mama. PaPaw is never going to see me on stage on again. "

At her last show, he arrived FOUR hours early just to place his chair on the front row.

Her biggest fan.

As in most families, the Nana is the gift buyer. But often for Peanut's birthday or Christmas, he picked her gift.

Because he truly saw her. He knew she loved all things science. The more experiments the better. He knew she loved creation and all the creatures. He gifted her nature puzzles, science kits, and books/magazines to encourage her love of learning.

Friday night, I cried at the space next to my mom. Where he would have been.

I cried for my mom. For me. But mostly for Peanut.

SD and I had our grandparents until we were real grown ups. Most of them saw us graduate high school, college, get married, have kids.

Peanut is just beginning to know who she is. And he'll miss it.

As I looked forward Friday night at the missing seat in front of me I was sad.

But.

As I looked left and behind me, we filled 4 rows of the church with people who showed up to see Peanut sing.

Those 4 rows didn't replace the missing seat.

But they did make it to where we were not alone.

I think that's what we do for each other.

We fill the rows so people don't sit in sadness alone.

When Peanut looked out into that audience Friday night, she saw she was loved.

She asked me Friday how we keep doing all the things when we are sad.

I told her that much like one of our favorite Disney movies, Sadness and Joy exist together. They are not two ends of a spectrum.

They are the interwoven thread that moves us through our days.

We honor those we loved who are no longer with us by continuing to be light for others.

Some days we sing on the stage.

Other days we fill the seats.

Mama warriors, I read somewhere this week that grief is a place you stop but you don't stay there.

I've been thinking about that pit stop this week as everything seems to make me cry.

Sadness is as much a part of the Christmas story as Joy.

The world was a scary place. There were mean people.

But Mary kept moving forward.

The promise of hope propelling her.

That night in the barn, she sang on the stage.

And others filled the seat.

Because Hope lives.