Moisturize

"Age has given me what I've been looking for my entire life - it has given me, ME. It has provided me with time and experience and failures and triumphs."

My last two years in college I lived in an apartment with a roommate. I met her the year before in the dorms - she lived across the hall. 

She was everything I wasn't, but definitely what I was pretending to be. 

She entered college acutely aware of her strengths and weaknesses. She  already knew her major, and diligently worked toward her end goal. She exuded confidence. 

Basically, she knew who she was. 

And loved herself. 

Last night, as I was applying lotion to our Peanut after her bath, I thought about that last roommate. 

Every night after she showered, she put on a robe, sat on our couch and applied lotion all over her body. It was a diligent routine. 

I can assure you her 19 year old legs did not need moisturizing. But she did it anyway. 

When I teased her about it, she said there would come a time when her body would need it, such as after a sunburn or as she aged, and she'd be ready. She would be in the habit of giving her body what it needed. 

I thought about how often when I come down with something it's because I haven't been giving my body what it needs. I'm not in the habit of nourishing it well when it's not an emergency. Suddenly, when I'm not feeling well, I can find my vitamins, drink some water, prioritize rest. 

I think our souls are similar. 

When we enter a season of challenge, it's like we've walked into the desert. 

We're not moisturized and ready. We aren't in the habit of giving our souls what it needs every day until it's an emergency. 

Then suddenly we are trying to pour out from empty. From dry. 

Sweet Daddy calls this the season of Michele in a joking manner. April is our anniversary and Easter (one of my favorites), May is my birthday and Mother's Day. In husband terms, it's remember to write 3 cards in a span of 6 weeks. 

As I've gotten older, and especially in the last few years as my body and soul have demanded it, I've learned that it always has to be a season of Michele in a sense. 

I always have to recognize what nourishes my body, my mind, my soul, my relationships,my emotions. 

I always have to maintain a level of oil in my lamp. I can no longer operate continually from empty. 

To be the kind of wife, mother, friend, relative that I want to be - I have to lean in to what makes me ME. 

Mama Warriors, as we walk Lent, I challenge you to get in the habit of putting on your lotion every day. 

Nourish your body, your mind, your soul EVERY single day in some small way. 

Not just so you are ready when a time of crisis comes, but so you can be the YOU He created you to be.

The Story of Us

 "We're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight." The Story of Us

Confession.

I never wanted a wedding.

Some girls grow up wanting to be a princess and have this fairy tale wedding day.

I never intended to get married, so it never occurred to me to envision a wedding.

I had never seen marriage done right. Not once. No one close to me had a marriage where I thought "yes, sign me up for that."

In fact, the exact opposite.

I thought, um hell no. Not happening.

I got a bachelor's degree. I got a master's degree. My main goal in life was to have options. Opportunities. But mostly options.

I never wanted to "need" marriage. Marriage made you trapped. The version of marriage I had seen was limiting at best.

And then.....

There's always an "and then"? right ?

I still never wanted a wedding, but I could see a marriage.

It was a foggy vision. It took months of premarital counseling to convince me it could be done. It took years of living together and seeing what the ins and outs would look like. It took me finding my own footing, having my own health insurance.........it took me seeing we could navigate life together.

That I would be adding something.

Not subtracting.

Peanut loves to watch our wedding video. SD is emotional - a rarity. I'm bouncy excited. We're a sight for sure. For all of you that endured that with us - thank you.

I was thinking as we watched it recently that they ask you these questions and you say "I do."

If I was being honest, I should have said "I'll try."

Two people in their 20s have NO idea what they are promising. I'm just saying.

No one has caught throw up for the 4th night in a row of the 2nd kid yet. No one has navigated elderly care of grandparents or parents. No one has battled a health challenge where there seems to be no answer. No one has tried to clothe two kids on 3 digits in the checking account. Or feed them. No one has tried to get a teenager through their senior year of high school.

The list could go on.

In that "I do" moment - that is not what you are picturing.

You are picturing "I'll love you during your man cold." Or "I'll include your annoying relative in my Thanksgiving plans."

The "worst" isn't imaginable in that moment because it hasn't existed yet.

We can only see where we've been.

Marriage is waking up every day choosing to see where you CAN go.

I sat down with paper this week to list my 24 favorite moments of our marriage. I realized as I looked over my list - none of them are big fancy things. Not one.

There was the time we should have gone left at the flea market and we didn't.

The time he fell asleep during my long rambling "I think I'm in love with you speech."

The day we sat on a bench at Disney during the crying hour and thought "one day that will be us - the two parents fussing how this should be the best vacation ever as little people just cry because hello it's nap time."

The moment we stood on stage and wished our son "his best life" after surviving a rocky senior year.

They are the moments where we were on the same team. Good or bad.

I absolutely wish I lived a carousel life.

I just want to chose my animal, sit back, and have a relaxing journey.

I definitely live on one of the wildest roller coasters.

I'm barely hanging on. Then there's that moment where you think "okay, not so bad" and then it drops, rushing, faster than you can scream.

I'm thankful in my two seater roller coaster row - it's he and I.

He's buckled in next to me.

Holding my hand.

We may not "do" every day but we sure do "try."

Because only fools fall in love right?