I Left Church

 What if people were invited to come tell what they already know of God instead of to learn what they are supposed to believe? What if they were blessed for what they are doing in the world instead of chastened for not doing more at church? What if church felt more like a way station than a destination? What if the church’s job were to move people out the door instead of trying to keep them in, by convincing them that God needed them more in the world than in the church?”― Barbara Brown Taylor

2013 was a whirlwind year for me.

My "just one more" was born. A long answered prayer.

My body quit digesting and keeping food. I was malnourished and not functioning. Doctors were puzzled.

And somewhere between those two extreme emotions - great joy and intense sorrow, I lost my faith.

I felt like I "should" have it.

But I only had half the prayer.

"Lord I believe, help my unbelief."

I was solidly in camp two.

I picked up this book at the library, "Leaving Church" because that's what I had done.

I had left the church.

If we were getting technical, the church left me first but that's neither here nor there.

I devoured the book. Returned it to the library. Bought my own copy and read it again and again.

Barbara Brown Taylor gave words to all the things I was feeling.

Sometimes you have to leave church to find your faith.

The two can be, but aren't always, connected.

Showing up at church does not equal being a Christian . Much like the author who says "sitting in the garage does not make you a car."

Over the next decade I would devour everything she wrote, and then everything she recommended.

She gave me the freedom to live into camp two.

Help my unbelief.

She gave me permission (not that I needed it, but I felt like I did) to wrestle and wonder.

Last night I had the privilege of hearing her speak and be inducted into the Georgia Writers Hall of Fame.

It was everything I thought it would be and more.

She was vulnerable and witty, kind and wise, authentic and yet humble.

As I waited in line to have her autograph my well worn copy (in full fan girl mode let me tell you), I realized I had come full circle.

I had left church.

I have returned to church.

"Formed, deformed, and reformed."

As we often are after a rebuilding, I am better for it.

I'd like to believe that that I've embraced camp one and two.

I believe, help my unbelief.

Mama Warriors, if you too have left church, my guess would be it's probably more about the people and less about God.

The folks walking around calling themselves Christian often don't represent Jesus well. I'd like to think he would tell them to take off their "WWJD bracelets" because they've got it wrong.

The gospel clearly shows Jesus as radical, inclusive, empathetic and self sacrificing.

I think many churches have put Jesus in a box he was never in.

I encourage you to find your eraser and open yourself up to what the divine looks like to you.

Maybe, just maybe, you left church but not Jesus.