"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”
Brene Brown
Peanut and I keep an audiobook going for car rides, painting afternoons, or while we are cooking dinner.
Over the last month we listened to a book series where the characters turn 11, 12 and now we are on the book 13.
One of my favorite things about listening to an audiobook with her is that we can pause it. Often we both want to pause it at the same time.
In the last book we finished, you hear the main character say
“She shakes her head. “No. Other people look. You see. Looking isn’t the same as seeing.” And with that completely bizarre statement, she gets up and leaves. My mouth falls open a little at the abruptness of it all.”
At the exact same time we both said "Oooh that's good."
Looking isn't the same as seeing.
That's what we all inherently crave.
As I watched Peanut open her birthday presents at her birthday party, I thought "her friends SEE her." There were gifts of dragons, water colors, art supplies, Hamilton theater themed things. All the things that are authentically loved by Peanut.
Stepping into motherhood often means we stepped out of other environments where we felt seen.
Sometimes we stumble trying to figure out how to be seen when everyone really just sees the kids.
If you ask a mom how she's doing, you will often get a run down of her husband, kids and extended family.
"I'm fine. Kid one is ......."
Over the past week, I've tried to lean in and pay attention to the times I've felt seen.
Someone asked me to speak at church about church healing. They SEE me. See my spiritual journey and honored that by inviting me to share.
Someone got me tickets to hear my favorite author. They SEE me. I've mentioned that in passing and they remembered.
Someone stopped me at church to ask me about my blog. To comment on my writing. They SEE me.
Someone messages me every time the weather changes. They SEE me. They know I hate the heat and need to soak up this cool morning.
Someone sends me all the funny memes. The ones that I will laugh at. They SEE me.
Someone notices it's been a few days since I've sent a video message. They SEE me. They message, "are you okay?"
I realized that I now feel seen because I've stopped trying to fit into places where I don't belong.
I've left rooms where my voice is not welcome.
I've established healthy boundaries.
Mama Warriors, I hope you have spaces where you feel authentically seen.
Where you don't have to think before you speak.
Where you don't censor yourself.
And if you don't, I encourage you to wonder why not? Maybe it's time to step out of the spaces you are in and do the hard work of finding new spaces.
Spaces where people give you 3 D printed dragon earrings because they know that will make you squeal with delight.
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