The Story of Us

 "We're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight." The Story of Us

Confession.

I never wanted a wedding.

Some girls grow up wanting to be a princess and have this fairy tale wedding day.

I never intended to get married, so it never occurred to me to envision a wedding.

I had never seen marriage done right. Not once. No one close to me had a marriage where I thought "yes, sign me up for that."

In fact, the exact opposite.

I thought, um hell no. Not happening.

I got a bachelor's degree. I got a master's degree. My main goal in life was to have options. Opportunities. But mostly options.

I never wanted to "need" marriage. Marriage made you trapped. The version of marriage I had seen was limiting at best.

And then.....

There's always an "and then"? right ?

I still never wanted a wedding, but I could see a marriage.

It was a foggy vision. It took months of premarital counseling to convince me it could be done. It took years of living together and seeing what the ins and outs would look like. It took me finding my own footing, having my own health insurance.........it took me seeing we could navigate life together.

That I would be adding something.

Not subtracting.

Peanut loves to watch our wedding video. SD is emotional - a rarity. I'm bouncy excited. We're a sight for sure. For all of you that endured that with us - thank you.

I was thinking as we watched it recently that they ask you these questions and you say "I do."

If I was being honest, I should have said "I'll try."

Two people in their 20s have NO idea what they are promising. I'm just saying.

No one has caught throw up for the 4th night in a row of the 2nd kid yet. No one has navigated elderly care of grandparents or parents. No one has battled a health challenge where there seems to be no answer. No one has tried to clothe two kids on 3 digits in the checking account. Or feed them. No one has tried to get a teenager through their senior year of high school.

The list could go on.

In that "I do" moment - that is not what you are picturing.

You are picturing "I'll love you during your man cold." Or "I'll include your annoying relative in my Thanksgiving plans."

The "worst" isn't imaginable in that moment because it hasn't existed yet.

We can only see where we've been.

Marriage is waking up every day choosing to see where you CAN go.

I sat down with paper this week to list my 24 favorite moments of our marriage. I realized as I looked over my list - none of them are big fancy things. Not one.

There was the time we should have gone left at the flea market and we didn't.

The time he fell asleep during my long rambling "I think I'm in love with you speech."

The day we sat on a bench at Disney during the crying hour and thought "one day that will be us - the two parents fussing how this should be the best vacation ever as little people just cry because hello it's nap time."

The moment we stood on stage and wished our son "his best life" after surviving a rocky senior year.

They are the moments where we were on the same team. Good or bad.

I absolutely wish I lived a carousel life.

I just want to chose my animal, sit back, and have a relaxing journey.

I definitely live on one of the wildest roller coasters.

I'm barely hanging on. Then there's that moment where you think "okay, not so bad" and then it drops, rushing, faster than you can scream.

I'm thankful in my two seater roller coaster row - it's he and I.

He's buckled in next to me.

Holding my hand.

We may not "do" every day but we sure do "try."

Because only fools fall in love right?