Tent Dancing

 "God did not create your life to be lived in segments. He created it to be lived in seasons."

A few months ago I started to think about the ending of the school year marking the end of elementary school for Peanut.

I wanted to take the time to celebrate that season. Peanut has always wanted to go to the Great Wolf Lodge. A friend and I began to plan a surprise trip for our girls.

These past few months I can feel Peanut doing the dance between being "little" and the tween phase. I can feel her pushing away here and there.

I listened to a podcast last week that talked about the importance of this phase. Gifting them space to figure out who they are apart from us BUT also making sure they know they are never alone.

I've done this dance twice and I find it one of the harder stages of parenting. I'm somehow always supposed to know when I'm supposed to be participating and when I'm supposed to be invisible.

My main goal with Peanut has, and will continue to be, connection.

Connection not control.

I gift her space but not at the expense of the connection.

As I was reflecting on the trip, one of my favorite moments happened on our first night. The girls and I were wandering around the lobby when we stumbled upon a dance party. They were both unsure.

I could tell both theater kids wanted to participate but just weren't sure. I reminded them that we have to learn to tune out the other voices in the world if we are going to live into our own happiness.

And I started to dance.

The girls slowly joined in. After a bit I decided to take my place along the sideline with the rest of the parents.

Peanut looked over and said "Mom - come on."

This same child who hasn't wanted me to walk her to class. Or show signs of affection in public. Definitely doesn't want me singing in the car if someone else is in it.

She wanted me to dance with her.

I think that's what this season is right? It's being always present - ready to be invisible or fully participating.

Making space that both can exist.

We keep our connections with people by gifting them space to grow. By allowing relationships to ebb and flow.

By accepting that change is inevitable.

The preacher at our church often uses the analogy that our church sets up a big tent. We make space for variances in beliefs and traditions. We set up our big God tent and invite you to sit in it with us.

Parenting works that way too. If you put up camp chairs and insist it always be the same, always the way you want, etc. It's a small space. It doesn't make room for growth.

But a tent - a tent makes space for gathering in different ways, in different forms. A tent says "you are always welcome here. If you want to stand, sit, dance, or nap." A tent is inviting.

Mama Warriors, as we move into summer I encourage you to pitch large tents.

Make them big enough for them to find their independence but still be in your tent. Make them big enough for the people in your village.

Look for opportunities to make connections. Invite their world into your tent.

Maybe there will even be dancing in your tent.

Mismatched Mothering

 "It was possible that I could stop assuming that no one could handle the whole mess of me and gift them a chance to surprise me instead." The Ugly Cry by Danielle Henderson

I showed up at church this morning with two different shoes on.

Perhaps worse is that I did not realize it until AFTER the service and my class was over.

We all know how that happens right?

I put on two different shoes to try to decide which one I liked best.

I walked into my living room to get a second opinion.

Then kid #1 needed to be reminded (again) to turn off the computer and put on her shoes. Kid #2 wanted to give me his mother's day present (let's all say "awww"). The dog jumped on me. The husband had a question.

Oh no - we are LATE.

I grab my hot tea, my granola bar, my morning meds and jump in the car.

At church, we greet new friends. I wait for kid #2 who wanted to church with me for Mother's Day (let's say "aww" again).

I open my hands in praise and prayer.

It's only after all the missions of the morning that I realize my shoes do not match.

Like not a slight not match - like two totally different shoes.

I had to laugh.

Because just because it's Mother's Day doesn't mean that less mothering happened right?

This morning in church we talked about the idea of having a mission.

Our family has a mission statement hanging in my kitchen.

"We will : be authentic, be encouraging, be thankful, and be intentional."

Each of those is flushed out with a Bible verse but the "be" statements are the actions.

Someone mentioned in class that if you don't know where you're going, you'll get on any bus.

And you might not end up where you want to be.

As I walked around today in my mismatched shoes, I realized it's often easy in life to forget the mission.

Easy to get on the wrong bus.

Was the mission this morning to put on two matching shoes or to be present for the people in front of me?

Shifts how you view the mismatched shoes when asked that way right?

Those mismatched shoes could have made me feel bad about myself.

But instead I stood proudly in Publix after church because to me they reminded me that I chose to be present with those in front of me- even if it meant I arrived at church in two different shoes.

Sometimes I think we're not willing to walk around in two different shoes because we've lost sight of the mission.

Mama Warriors, the noisy world can often make us forget our mission.

I'd wager the most important piece of mothering is connection.

Connection is time consuming. Easy to be distracted from.

I encourage you to remember today that your mothering isn't measured by the way people show up today. Regardless of what social media standards say.

Your mothering is measured by YOUR mission.

And sometimes by mismatched shoes.

Make Your Own Mother's Day

"Jesus doesn't belong to church people. But church people belong TO Him, IN Him, and THROUGH Him."

Confession. 

Mother's Day is not one of my favorite holidays. 

Perhaps because I have this Normal Rockwell complex where I think things should/will go a certain way and they don't. Ever. 

Perhaps because one of the keys to having a relaxing day on Mother's Day is not to mother. 

Some of you have produced these wonderful children who make you breakfast in bed, cater to you, write you wonderful cards, and buy you special gifts. 

I have not produced those kind of children. Well, the jury is still out on the wee one, she currently makes me things and professes undying love. 

I have great kids and Sweet Daddy drags them through some nice efforts every year but it's obviously not their first choice. 

So, yesterday I took myself out for a haircut. I picked up cheese dip (my favorite treat) and a coke from Sonic. I came home and binged watched The Middle. 

Happy Mother's Day to me. 

I know Mother's Day is hard for many people, for many reasons. 

Some who don't have their own mother to celebrate with. Some whose arms long for a sweet babe to mother. Some who have challenges in their mothering relationships. 

I've been thinking about how we walk with each other during times like this. 

Our first instinct is to give some cliched bumper sticker comfort. 

Some version of Jeremiah 29:11

As if anyone in pain needs to hear that pain is God's plan for them? 

I don't think God's plan was pain or unbearable grief. 

I do think His plan is healing. His ultimate plan. 

When we see Jesus approach those in need, we don't hear him say "This is your fault" or "This is His plan" or any other mock comfort. 

We see Him gather the people in need into His fold and make them well. 

I think how we comfort those in pain is to let them feel the pain. The grief. 

The only path to healing is THROUGH Him. 

I think we begin to comfort by saying it's okay to NOT be okay. 

Mama Warriors, if this weekend is hard for you, that's okay. 

If your relationships are challenging, or your grief is unbearable, that's okay. 

He will meet you where you are at. 

Not every moment looks like a Hallmark card or movie and that's okay. 

You are seen, you are heard, you are valued. 

Right where you are at.

Whatever Your Crazy

 "He can handle your crazy. While He is holy and worthy of your respect, He can handle your honesty too."

I've been a tad quiet this week. Pondering. I spent this week completing some further testing. More gastro madness investigations. And as Murphy's law goes around here, I had no issues while holding the testing kit. And as soon as Fed Ex picked it up and took it away, it all returned. Meaning, those test results won't show what I'm looking for. Those expensive labs will give a glimpse, but they won't show the whole picture.

When I can't sleep at night, I breathe in "Jesus heals and completely restores" and I exhale my crazy. Because, He can handle my crazy.

2 Timothy 3:17 says "Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us."

He has equipped us for our journey.

Occasionally I run into someone who hasn't seen me in person in a while. And they tell me how fabulous I look. How I'm "wasting away into nothing." The Incredible Shrinking Woman. And they proclaim how jealous they are.

I can assure you, no matter how fabulous you think thin would be - you don't want this.

I'm not having a pity party - I don't want your crazy either .

See the thing is, no matter how challenging this journey seems for me - it's mine. He's equipped me for this. And He's growing me through this. His time table is not mine. Sometimes that makes me quiet - finding that strength to find the joy. Because it's there. All the time.

Mama Warriors, He can handle your crazy. Whatever it is. For me, it's that gap sometimes between my faith - where I question. It's that way your mind can spiral into all sorts of madness. It's essentially not holding my thoughts captive. Whatever your crazy is, He's got this.

May 5, 2016

Led by Love

 "My idea of who I should be is at war with who I am."

I read that quote in my devotion read this morning and have been soaking it today.

I think it summarizes my struggle with motherhood the last 15 years.

I've had this idea of what a "good mom" does.

Being a "good mom" got in the way of me being a great mom.

Because while I'm not overly crafty (both my iron and my glue gun are collecting dust), I'm good at messy. I'm good at letting my kids explore and create. I'm not good at those cutesy projects that hang on the wall, but I'm good at painting how you feel, feeling the rain hit your tongue, knowing what your toes feel like deep in the mud.

Because while I'm not good at domestic chores (people clean things they don't use like baseboards?), I'm good at loving my people where they are at. I'm good at making Sweet Daddy a basic lunch every day. Making sure my Xman has the latest sensory requirement for clothing clean. Knowing my Princess prefers the jeans with rips. I'm good at stopping whatever I'm doing to read the wee one a book.

Because while I'm not good at looking like I have it all together (because I don't), I'm good at being transparent. I'm good at knowing my limits. I'm learning to express those firmly. I'm good at knowing I need Jesus.

I spent a lot of time carrying a suitcase of guilt because I wasn't those things - I wasn't pinterest craft worthy, fly lady domestic goddess bound, or "perfect" in yoga pants and a pony tail (some people pull that look off looking adorable, while I seem to look like I rolled out of bed?).

When I SLOWLY began to embrace the mess I am, that's where I found Jesus.

And that's where I began to appreciate me for who I am.

"Fear drives but love leads."

Spending our lives living in fear of others finding out who we really are drives us to live differently.

CHOOSING to LOVE ourselves for who we are.

That lets Him lead us.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5

Mama Warriors, take a moment today to love you for who you are. Be led by love.

Belong

"If you just stop doing, you'll start knowing. ........But what I really needed to do to save myself was let myself sink."

This morning one of Peanut's words was "belong." Each day she gets 4 words that she writes and illustrates. 

I came to look at her picture and got lost in my own thoughts for a few minutes. 

For belong, she drew a picture of herself with friends. Belong as in "Lyndie a member of this group."

I stared thinking for a bit about what it means to belong and where I feel like I belong. 

I definitely did not belong in middle or high school. I have very few "fond" memories of those years. I'm not sure college was where I belonged, or where I found myself (though I did pick up 2 unlikely quarter friends).  

I did get that expensive degree taking up space in my basement so there's that. 

In my young mothering years I did desperately want to belong somewhere. With adult people who had real conversations with me. I tried multiple mom groups, play spaces, mommy and me classes. Each leaving me feeling more like an outsider. 

I've never solidly fit in one group. I've always been a "stay at home" mom but I've also always worked part time either in or out or both of my home. I've been a homeschooling mom these last 11 years but again, I worked part time so when I wasn't schooling mine I was schooling others. I'm an advocate for natural parenting but my kids eat Little Debbies like they are good for them. I had two tweens but then was at home nursing a newborn baby. 

I've always sort of had a foot in various mom groups but you need two feet to be a full fledged member. 

Then came church. If you want to find your out of placeness start wrestling with the Bible and ask the big questions. 

In my 40s I've come into this unique space where I don't feel like I belong many places and I'm totally okay with that. 

Because you see, I belong to ME. 

  ".....break up your unplowed ground for it is time to seek the Lord" (Hosea 10:12)

So - I'm breaking up my unplowed ground. I'm working on me - and I'm giving you glimpses. 

I'm breaking up my unplowed ground, I'm sowing new seeds, I'm looking UP. Because I don't want to miss this season - I want to see Him throughout my day.

Mama Warriors, God uses imperfect people. I truly believe that where your challenges are, lies your calling. 

Your NOT belonging I very much think IS your belonging. 

It's your unplowed ground. 

I'm honestly a little bothered by Peanut's drawing because I want her sense of belonging to be something deep in her soul. A knowing. 

I don't want it to be dependent upon other people. 

I want her to continually work on her unplowed ground. I want her to feel her feet deep in the soil. 

I want that for you too!

I will Walk 500 Miles.....

 “Don’t come to the Camino looking for answers. Instead, come with an open heart and you may be surprised by what you find.”

For years I have been interested in the El Camino de Santiago. For those not familiar, it's a 500 mile Christian pilgrimage. It starts in France, goes through the Pyrenees and ends in Santiago, Spain.

El Camino de Santiago translates to "the way of Saint James." The Camino ends at the Cathedral where the remains of Saint James, the apostle to Jesus are said to be buried.

People walk the Camino for a wide variety of reasons. Some walk the whole 500ish miles, while others begin in the last leg - walking approximately 100 miles. The full trek takes 5.5 weeks (give or take), and the last leg is typically done in a full week's time.

Each person whose account I've read/seen who has walked the el Camino finishes a changed person. Perhaps a relationship grew, as happens with McCarthy and his son. Perhaps a problem is sorted. Perhaps perspective is gained. Perhaps someone merely proved to themselves that they can do hard things.

When the distractions of the world are removed, Change is inevitable.

As I began to prepare for Lent, I chose a handful of spiritual and other non fiction books to read/listen to. This past week I have been listening to "Walking with Sam." Andrew McCarthy tells of his journey of walking the Camino with his 19 year old son, Sam. Yes. St Elmo's Fire McCarthy.

McCarthy had walked the Camino once before, in his youth, and is now experiencing it all anew through the eyes of his son.

I've been thinking today about my fascination with the Camino.

I think the idea of a pilgrimage with a clear end interests me.

So much of our spiritual journeys are open ended. We are unsure of when this trial or challenge will end. We are uncertain of the outcome, the consequences, the length.

Maybe this is why I love Lent as well.

Lent is the pilgrimage to Easter.

A journey with a definite destination.

This Lent I've chosen to make changes to my daily routines that encourage me to be fully present.

One change I've made is fasting from FB scrolling. I've been disappointed in how many times I randomly reach for my phone. It's been eye opening at minimum.

I don't think Jesus cares if I use or fast from facebook.

I do think Jesus cares if I am SEEING the opportunities He places in my path.

I do think He cares if I am choosing CONNECTION over consumption.

These weeks leading up to Easter are a good time to look in the mirror and challenge yourself - how can I be more Christ like?

What would that change look like?

When we arrive at our own Santiago on Easter morning, will we be changed people?