"My idea of who I should be is at war with who I am."
I read that quote in my devotion read this morning and have been soaking it today.
I think it summarizes my struggle with motherhood the last 15 years.
Being a "good mom" got in the way of me being a great mom.
Because while I'm not overly crafty (both my iron and my glue gun are collecting dust), I'm good at messy. I'm good at letting my kids explore and create. I'm not good at those cutesy projects that hang on the wall, but I'm good at painting how you feel, feeling the rain hit your tongue, knowing what your toes feel like deep in the mud.
Because while I'm not good at domestic chores (people clean things they don't use like baseboards?), I'm good at loving my people where they are at. I'm good at making Sweet Daddy a basic lunch every day. Making sure my Xman has the latest sensory requirement for clothing clean. Knowing my Princess prefers the jeans with rips. I'm good at stopping whatever I'm doing to read the wee one a book.
Because while I'm not good at looking like I have it all together (because I don't), I'm good at being transparent. I'm good at knowing my limits. I'm learning to express those firmly. I'm good at knowing I need Jesus.
I spent a lot of time carrying a suitcase of guilt because I wasn't those things - I wasn't pinterest craft worthy, fly lady domestic goddess bound, or "perfect" in yoga pants and a pony tail (some people pull that look off looking adorable, while I seem to look like I rolled out of bed?).
When I SLOWLY began to embrace the mess I am, that's where I found Jesus.
And that's where I began to appreciate me for who I am.
"Fear drives but love leads."
Spending our lives living in fear of others finding out who we really are drives us to live differently.
CHOOSING to LOVE ourselves for who we are.
That lets Him lead us.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
Mama Warriors, take a moment today to love you for who you are. Be led by love.
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