"Being deemed a good wife or a good mother or daughter is rarely based on how true you are to yourself."......................"To be a good woman you need to be good for other people."
The sermon series this month at our church is on the idea of "Sabbath."
Now, if you were raised like me, in some super conservative, legalistic version of Sabbath - let me redefine it for you.
First, not necessarily "Sunday." Second, not a list of "don'ts." Third, it's God's GIFT to you. His commandment. Meant to bring you what YOU need.
Sabbath just means a time of REST. It's when YOU choose to put down, let go of something so that in turn you can embrace something else. Embrace God. Embrace Others. Embrace You.
Today was week 3 of the series, and I"ve been taking serious notes. Last week Sweet Daddy came with and made me raise my hand and admit that I struggle with rest.
My Timehop reminds me that I've come a long way in terms of physical rest. I've cleared our calendar. I've shortened our radius. I've embraced the idea of home.
I didn't have a choice but it was a valuable lesson. The thing is the body at some point says "ENOUGH." And it will take rest by any means necessary. For me, it was 100 pounds of gastro madness in less than two months time. It was years of recovery.
It was reaching a point of full SURRENDER.
But, mentally.
I'm not a rester.
I'm a thinker. A worrier. A "I'm sure I'm forgetting something."
I'm okay with the dishes in the sink or the toys cluttering the floor (if you know me, I'm more than okay with all that).
I can't shut off my mind.
One of the counselors I saw suggested I practiced mindfulness. Get myself some meditation apps.
I did.
I told her I was failing at mindfulness.
She suggested I think about myself on a train and my thoughts are the scenery. Acknowledge they are there. But keep moving past them.
I tried. I ended up getting off the train.
It seems me and my thoughts are stuck together.
Anyway, so this week this idea of mindfulness and Sabbath and rest have been wrestling around in my brain.
Each afternoon we have "sitting" here at Tkill Academy. I get us all some lunch, the kids choose a favorite program, blankets are pulled out. And they rest.
It's a tradition as old as their existence.
At some point, this "rest" time became my work time. I get my lunch, my coke and my computer.
This week I wondered why?
When they were little working while they were still and quiet made sense in some ways, but we are in a new season. I have these teenagers who benefit from sibling time. I'm not the only one who can load a dishwasher or do a load of laundry. I have a six year old who can be taught to play solo for a bit while work gets done.
Am I not worthy of the same rest I afford everyone else in my house?
Which made me wonder, why is that?
The universal mother truth.
We define ourselves by how much we sacrifice. How large our love is by how how much we pour out.
It's why social media rubs us the wrong way.
We are judging ourselves by the external picture of how others mother. Look how much that mother did for her child - how she must love him/her.
All of OUR value is wrapped up in how others FEEL.
Mama Warriors,I challenge that this is a slippery slope.
There's a reason they say put on your oxygen mask first. That's almost comical to me though because it's got to be something super serious before we are going to take care of ourselves first. And even then, I'm only putting on my mask so that I can then put on their mask.
How about if I put on my mask because I am WORTHY.
How about if I put on my mask because being true to ME - nurturing ME makes me a better person.
How about if MY value is only tied to ME?
I'm not suggesting everyone turn into selfish folks who ignore their husband and kids and just eat bon bons on the couch (which I honestly just learned were a real thing this year).
What I am suggesting is that we raise the bar for those who love us.
That we serve them joyfully BUT we also lean in and live in to the idea that we are worthy of rest. Of Sabbath.
I'm suggesting we define ourselves by how true we are to ourselves and that we give our kids, our loved ones, the gift of someone who is authentically loving both themselves and them.
Serve yes.
Love God, love others.
Lean in, live in.
Let's redefine "good mother" in our hearts so it looks less than a crazy Pinterest IG moment and more like an authentic life.
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