Be the Change

 "Live what we want our children to learn."

That picture is the Xman's schedule. Which is here. In my house. On his desk. The two copies I printed before that have gotten lost between open house and today. We arrived at co-op today and he had no schedule.

I'd like to say when the realization hit that he had no schedule that I responded with loving warmth reassuring him that accidents happen.

Instead I may have asked him how many times I asked him if he was ready? If he had everything? And how many times did he tell me "yes." And was he ready? Did he have EVERYTHING? No.

This morning I finished the book "The Gift of Anger" by Arun Gandhi, the grandchild of Mahatma Gandhi. In it, he talks about a time when he was 16 and his Dad asked him to drop him off for a conference, run some errands, and pick him back up at 5:00. Arun finished his errands early and decided to see a movie. In order to make the 5:00 pick up, he would have to leave the movie early.

He lost track of time, and it was 6:00 when he showed up to pick up his father. His father asked "Why are you so late?" Arun lied. Told his father the car errand took longer than expected. Turns out the mechanic had called his father to let him know the work was done much earlier. Arun's father tells him he knows he lied.

The interesting part of this story to me happens next.

Arun's father says " I'm sorry you lied to me today. I have failed as a parent to give you the confidence and courage to tell the truth. Somewhere I made a mistake. I will take this walk to think of how I could have better taught you to know the importance of telling the truth."

And Arun's father proceeded to walk home.

Six hours.

Arun, couldn't leave the car, but felt such guilt because his father was taking on the burden of his mistake that he drove slowly behind him, following him all the way home.

Six hours.

Arun shares that he has never forgotten that moment. Instead of humiliating him and punishing him, Arun's father makes Arun a partner in the problem and the need to correct it.

I'm going to confess. We are walking some tough parenting here.

Tough.

I've been soaking that story since I read it yesterday.

The thing about parenting is that I can't control the outcome.

For us google calendar, control freaks, that's a little tough.

I can only control ME.

So, during this tough parenting season, I'm going to look into my mirror and my soul and figure out how I could teach them better. Model better.

How I can be BETTER.

I can seek wisdom in my Bible. I can pray for them.

Rather than pointing my finger at the child who's schedule has been forgotten, I can partner with him in identifying the problem and WHY it needs to be corrected.

44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:44 - 45

Mama Warriors, it's with great grace that the Bible tells us we don't get what we deserve.

I think how Arun probably "deserved" to walk home that day.

His father took the burden of the responsibility for the lie from Arun. In one of the greatest "teachable" moments possible.

He chose to look inward and see how he could be better. How he could improve.

I'm a huge fan of holding our kids accountable. HUGE. I'm not at all saying we forgive and forget and let them run wild.

I am sharing from my heart that we should hold ourselves accountable to.

Be the change you want to see in the world - Gandhi says.

I'm sure that applies to parenting - BE the change you want to see in your kids.