Voice

 "My whole life I've been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted , until I discovered the interruptions were my work."

This is my view the majority of the day.

Mo is 14 weeks old and is like having a new toddler arrive at your house. He is either into something he is not supposed to be or he's jumping/biting/pulling at my pants or whatever he can reach.

Much like the other 3 children I've brought home to this house, Mo has decided that he wants ME to pay attention to him. ME to feed him. ME to pet him. ME to take him out. He follows ME around all the time.

Mo wants and needs a lot of attention.

Where he and I are currently struggling is HOW he gets that attention.

He thinks he should rip my pant legs or sleeves on my shirt, or bite at my hands, or should I be sitting, attack my entire head. Always playful puppy bites, never mean or aggressive, but annoying and occasionally painful.

A behavior we do not want to encourage.

So we tell him "drop" or "gentle" or "sit" and then, and ONLY then do we give him a treat, play with him, and tell him "good drop" or "good gentle" or "good sit" with much enthusiasm.

Teaching him a new way to get our attention is a full time job.

As Mo is requiring a lot of my attention, I've noticed that Peanut is also beginning to exhibit attention seeking behavior.

Every ant bite is a catastrophe. Every bump or bruise comes with big tears. Every school struggle is met with a meltdown.

Much like Mo, I've been thinking about how to best respond to Peanut's wants/needs.

Much like Mo, I want to praise and give attention to the positive behaviors that I want to encourage, and little to no attention to the negative behaviors I want to stop.

I read this quote in a book this week and it resonated deep with me

"Your pain is important, but you don't have to make it bigger than it is just for me to hear you or to make it valid."

I want Peanut to feel validated in her feelings without having to make them into something larger than they are.

I also want her to know that SHE is control of her feelings and how she responds to them.

For the ant bite I say "Ouch - ant bites hurt! What might make that feel better?" ..........."An ice pack is a great strategy - why don't you grab one."

For the school struggle I might say "Learning something new really makes our brain work. Sometimes my brain works better when it has a snack and does a wiggle dance. Want to see if that works for your brain?"

Then in times when she is not in crisis mode, I say "Gosh, we've been so busy with Mo we haven't had time to play a game. How about you pick a game while I get him settled for some crate time?"

I'm trying to be more in tune to see her needs and meet them without her feeling like she has to be loud to be heard.

Mama Warriors, your pain is important and valid just as it is. You are worthy of being heard.

Sometimes I think we do the opposite of our children.

While they get louder and make their struggle more than it is, we tend to say it's all "fine."

If it's not fine, it's not fine.

Practice this week giving voice to your needs.

You are worthy of being heard.