Messy

 "I was assigned a role for which I did not audition.........Yet I have the power to choose how I will live out that story and play that role."

The last week or so I have been trying to transition myself into back to school planning mode.

I bought the curriculum months ago, but as typically happens when I sit with my planner and begin to think about my goals for the year, I realize that we need to add something, delete something, make changes. Before we've even begun.

This summer as our schedule slowed down some, I began to notice that Peanut needs something a little different than what I had originally planned for this year. Over the last week, we've added a few additional outside the house classes to our schedule for this year, tweaked our at home objectives, and re-evaluated my emotional/social goals.

The google planner in me hates making last minute changes. I'm now the person who has seen the emails for months about classes, and have waited until nearly the very last moment to send emails asking "do you have room for one more?"

But the thing is, I didn't know change was needed until now.

As I read through thoughtful comments and messages about my last ramblings, I've been thinking about messy my childhood/adolescent years were.

I originally had started out parenting with this grand goal to do it differently.

And I have in a lot of ways.

But nonetheless, my own kids lives have had their own mix of messy.

I've been thinking perhaps the real goal isn't to give my children some "un-messy" life but rather be more open about how one navigates the reality of the fact that all lives are messy in their own way.

I've been purposeful about saying to my kids "We made the best decision at that time with the information and skills we had at that time."

In some cases, it wasn't the right decision. We apologize. We seek wisdom, we try to go into the next mess with more information and better skills.

We try to be people who can see that something isn't working, and embrace the idea that change is needed.

Change is hard for many people, myself included.

I've chatted with several friends lately about how this generation, the ones I'm raising and others, seem to really struggle with navigating what I consider very average experiences.

The stress of school, sibling issues, setting boundaries, romantic relationships, friendships, balancing responsibilities.

Change.

This is a generation with more anxiety, more depression, more self harm, more angst than anyone before them.

While I like to blame the internet for a lot of that (and statistics back me up), I always begin by looking in the mirror with my own kids when I'm trying to search for the lesson.

Perhaps we didn't let them struggle enough as young kids. Maybe I opened too many jars instead of showing them where the grip thing is. Maybe I suggested too many solutions instead of responding with a simple "What do you think you could do?"

The "maybe" swirl is endless.

So, the only response is one of embracing change. Recognizing that the goal has shifted.

Providing them with modeling and skills for navigating a messy life.

Mama Warriors, as many of us shift into back to school mode this week, let's be people who don't try to shelter our kids from a messy life but rather equip them to navigate it well.

Let's model saying out loud things like "I should have done this differently. But that's okay, I can learn from that and move forward." or "It looks like you are struggling with that. What do you think you could change?"

Let's model trying new things and what happens when they don't go well. "Wow - making the Tik Tok mac n cheese wasn't as easy as I thought. It was fun to try something new and now we get to eat cereal for dinner!"

Let's be people who apologize and show how one admits they are wrong. "I'm sorry. I should have taken a deep breath and thought about what I wanted to say before I spoke."

Let's admit that life is messy and that's okay.

It's how you navigate messy that is the real indicator of a life well lived.