Hypothetical

 “You know, I’m still learning this stuff, too, and since I’m still learning, I think I haven’t thought enough about what I’m supposed to be teaching you.” – Lorelai

Last weekend the girls and I went to out to eat in a local Mexican restaurant.

Upon sitting down, Peanut said "So we just tell them whatever we want and they make it?"

I realized in that moment that she has not eaten in a sit down restaurant that she remembers.

She had no concept of menus, wait staff, ordering, etc.

The last time I ate in a restaurant with her was September of 2013 - the year she was born. She was six months old, and nursing exclusively at the time.

The next time I ate inside a restaurant was March of this year but she wasn't with us. 7.5 years later. Even then I had a drink and slowly grazed the chips/salsa on the table. Didn't order.

I felt this slight twinge of guilt that she hadn't had this experience.

And then thought "Why do I feel bad that almost all her meals for the last 8.5 years have been in our home with our family?"

Yes she's had the occasional Lord's chicken nugget or some inferior fast food version. She definitely likes a Sonic slushie.

She's had countless park picnics, backyard lunches, and dinners at home followed by games and laughter.

It's interesting to me when I tell people how long it's been since I've eaten in a restaurant, or even food from a restaurant, the response is always something along the lines of "I could never."

The thing is you could if the consequences were grave enough.

That last time I ate out, in October of 2013, was the final straw that put me on a 100 pound quick weight loss program and was the most unhealthy I've ever been.

Healing my body with food became more important than anything else - cravings for cheese dip, convenience, cultural norms.

Keeping what I ate became my daily mission. Healing my body.

I've been thinking about that lately as everyone is still arguing over the possible responses to COVID.

I've been thinking about how a lot of the "I would never" is because the consequences aren't grave enough for that person. Yet.

Until something is personal it's so easy to get lost in the myriad of options, concerns, etc.

Until it's us, or someone super close to us, that lies in the ICU on a ventilator, it's all a hypothetical conversation.

Until it was me unable to keep down anything I ate, giving up eating out was always a conversation about finances, how we choose to spend our family time, etc. It was never about how to stay alive.

Hypothetical conversations are so easy to be passionate about.

Just ask anyone who does NOT have children their thoughts on child rearing. They have them. They are happy to share them. They will eat every single word sure they ever have kids.

That's how most of life's arguments go.

In October of 2013 I began a grave spiritual quest. I definitely had religious beliefs, feelings and practices before. But until the moment I thought I may not make it, they weren't personal.

Until the consequences felt personal, I sort of had a laissez faire relationship with Jesus.

And then I woke up one day and had to pray over every single bite I put in my mouth. I had to become fully dependent upon something greater than myself to even do the basics.

Then it was personal.

Mama Warriors, as our community still debates I ask you to make space that how you respond to anything greatly depends on the consequences for YOU.

Let's make space for the fact that the consequences for someone else may be different, and thus they may need to respond differently.

Hypothetical conversations are so easy.

Let's make space for the fact that sometimes our hypothetical is someone else's reality.