Return the Book

 "And while everyone has to make a living and show up for family, listening is optional: you have to make a conscious decision to listen harder."

I rarely choose my books while I am IN the library. I struggle with remembering what I have, and have not, read. I don't typically choose my books by the cover or title.

I have a lengthy "to read" list and I use it to place holds on books, and then just pick them up at the library.

Peanut was picking out books so I took a moment to peruse the new releases shelf.

I spontaneously brought home this book. The quote on the cover is written by Elizabeth Gilbert whose Eat, Pray, Love was a therapeutic read for me. If she liked this book, maybe I will too was the thought.

I have read 5 or so chapters of this book and will be returning it unfinished.

The author writes about integrity as it parallels to Dante's Divine Comedy. It just didn't grab me.

There was a time when I would drag myself through the whole book because I started it. Or because it seems like something I *should* read.

Not any more. I return about 1 out of 6 or so books, unfinished. Occasionally even unstarted.

One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, and others, is the ability to let something go.

Permission to not finish a book we don't love.

I think in the Mom World we've fallen into two camps.

"I love every moment"

and

"Is it bedtime? I need wine?"

Somewhere in between is where I think reality lies.

Permission to not love every moment.

There are things I will NOT miss in each season of parenting. I do not love sitting in dark parking lots waiting for the practice that was supposed to end at 6:30 and it's now 7:15 and still isn't over to let out. I will never miss that. Kids who throw themselves on aisle 4 of Kroger and totally meltdown. I will never miss that. People who I gave birth to being ugly and some sort of hormonal mess. I will never miss that.

The list could go on.

Equally I could the list of things I'm holding on to. Teenagers who giggle as they tell me about the latest meme that made them laugh. The lightbulb moments when one realizes that perhaps Algebra 2 isn't as hard as he thought. The "

You're the best

Mommy" exclaimed in the adorable voice. Those things I'll miss.

I think joy lies in giving ourselves permission to let go of that which does not bring us joy WHILE embracing that which does.

It's in not aiming to love every moment, or even look like we are.

It's in learning to navigate big feelings with young people who are also navigating big feelings.

In putting listening and empathy above control.

I'm choosing to seek joy in between "where is my caffeine?" and "is it bedtime yet?"

Mama Warriors, this arrival of fall (yes, I know it's a false early snippet) has me excited about the possibilities of a new season.

Let's let go of the "shoulds' and return those books not worthy of finishing.

Let's hold on to all the other things that bring us joy.

Let's make space for the reality that we don't have to love every moment, but we can love enough moments to exude joy for ourselves and our people.

Joy can win.