Worst Daughter Ever

 “In the act of silence, you’re not waiting for God to make a move. You’re becoming aware of the moves He’s making.” Brennan Manning

Each night, as part of her bedtime routine, Peanut brings me a book. We snuggle up and we read. The rule is if she brings me a book we've never read before, then I will read to her. If she brings a book we've already read, then she reads to me.

Last night she brought me one of her favorites. One we've read MANY times. I reminded her that I'd love to hear her read me the book.

She got upset and insistent that she wanted me to read the chosen book. I repeated the reading rule. Again. Grumpily she went and chose a new book and presented it to me in a very ugly manner.

I looked at this scrunched up, scowling face and gently told her we were skipping stories.

We could try again tomorrow night.

As I went to tuck her in, she was very upset. Together we processed the conversation.

"I'm the worst daughter ever" she kept repeating.

We talked about how I love her no matter what. Always and forever.

Would I have wished the last half hour went differently, most definitely.

Do I expect her to always make the right choices and respond in kind ways? Nope.

Do I allow her behavior to change my reaction?

That's a hard one isn't it?

I'd like to say I'm always the grace giving, loving parent. But let's face it, past 9 PM things are shaky.

I was thinking this morning how it's challenging to view a God whose reaction never changes based on our behavior.

No matter how much we love someone, at least in the moment, our reactions, responses, facial expressions, tone, etc. - all change based on behavior.

Does my love for her change the consequences of her actions?

No.

Mama Warriors, you are fiercely loved this morning by a God who is not thrown by your tantrums. He expects them.

He's not upset about your questions, your push back, your struggle with wanting to do things your way.

Does He wish we'd all make good choices and be kind all the time? Definitely.

Does He expect it though? I would think not.

Much like our own children, He expects we'll stumble.

In order to show our kids a love like that, we have to be willing to give words to that.

But we also must show them that just because there are consequences and challenges, it doesn't mean that God doesn't love them unconditionally.