Speak the Good

 "God doesn't save us from the hard things, but he doesn't let them define us. They don't have the final word. "

It's been a LONG week with the puppy. The progress we had made with the jumping, biting, climbing on us seems to have vanished.

Everything Peanut and I wear has holes in it. Large holes. Where he jumps, puts his sharp little puppy teeth in and then they pull fabric. Often, he thinks it's tug of war and by the time I get him detached from myself, or her, he's made a large rip.

My hands are massively scratched from trying to put him in a "settle" hold and contain him.

We've tried all the things. I'm walking him (where he just pulls on the leash constantly). I'm spending lots of time outside where he has a 1/2 acre fenced in yard to run and play in. I'm doing all the frozen chew toys and treats. The puzzle feeders. The brain stimulation.

This week as I was reading in (yet another) dog training book, the author suggested "reverse training" as his favorite way to teaching a dog to be calm.

He said you look for the moments he's already laying on the couch, or calmly sitting in the kitchen, and then you tell him what he's doing.

"Settle." "Yes." Treat.

The trio.

The command. The praise/acknowledgement. The prize.

Teaching him - this, this thing you are already doing, it's a good thing. This is what I am looking for.

I've been using it (as well as the training sessions) this week. We want him to sit and "wait" at gates and entrance doors to our home. Each time he sits at this gate, I say "Wait." "Yes." Treat.

It's been such a simple twist on how I think about the dog.

I now spend my days LOOKING for the good. Waiting for moments to praise him. To "treat" him.

Yes, there are still a lot of the frustrating puppy behaviors.

But my mindset has shifted such that I now recognize how many GOOD behaviors there are, and know that we can help him figure out the rules for living in our home.

As I was sitting with my tea this morning, Mo came and sat down at my feet.

"Settle." "Yes." Treat.

More and more often, when Mo approaches me - he sits nicely. Definitely not every time. And all bets are off if I sit down. But, more.

Because he likes to be praised.

"Sit." "Yes."

I don't always have a treat in hand.

Don't we all like to be told that we are doing GOOD things?

In part, don't we also internalize that to be mean we ARE good?

So if I tell my children all the mistakes they make that need fixing- do they then think they are MISTAKES?

Ouch.

I got to thinking - what if I spent my day with this same GOOD mindset with all my people.

What if I spent my day praising the behavior, character, and actions that are good things.

Rather than just indicating when a behavior is frustrating, unacceptable, or requires change?

Would it shift how I see my children?

I'm very much a work in progress when it comes to what seeps when I am stretched.

As I've been spending my days fussing at the puppy for all the things, I've found myself fussing at the children for all the things.

Don't they see that my hands are full? Didn't they hear me already answer that question? Weren't they listening?

Once the river flows negative, I find it rages.

I forget to soak up the Princess taking time with Peanut to help her learn how to make a podcast.

I forget to appreciate the Xman making all the grocery runs.

I forget to enjoy the Peanut diligently excavating gems and the true joy each time she finds one.

When I'm looking for the negative, I forget to acknowledge the positive.

Mama Warriors, as my air conditioner runs, and the afternoons are still sticky warm, it's hard to think about pumpkin patches, apple picking, or Halloween costumes.

It's hard to embrace fall when it still looks and feels like summer.

I challenge you today to look for that which you can praise.

The slightly cooler temps as you first wake up.

Freeform's 31 Days of Halloween movie lineup (today are the Monster's Inc movies).

As we interact with all our people today, let's hold that mindset.

Let's speak the good.