Why Not?

 "It's not what you carry but how you learn to carry it."

The other night Xman was cooking dinner in the kitchen and he said "Ever wonder what life around here would be like if you hadn't had Peanut?"

Every morning when I go through my facebook memories, I tag him in the pictures of him with Peanut. Every. Single. One.

To remind him there was a time when they were close. When he adored her. When he was super protective and loving toward her.

In his busy 17 year old life, the super chatty, sensitive, overly emotional 8 year old is challenging for him.

I know he loves her. But I also as a sister to someone 7 years younger than I am, that the gap exists. They are not peers. He's not fatherly with her. They are in that weird in between space.

Sweet Daddy and I are watching this show (Ordinary Joe) in which you follow 3 very different paths this one guy's life takes based on one choice. Who he has dinner with the day he graduates from college? You see all 3 lives parallel.

As we've been watching this, I'm intrigued at how one choice, takes his life on such drastically different paths. Each path has different occupations, different priorities, different dreams.

One choice.

If he had to go back, it would be impossible for him to choose a path knowing how they end. So different. Pros/cons. Successes/Struggles.

I sit here rambling and am watching Peanut draw and no, I never think about what our life would be like without her in it.

There is no truer statement than "for this child I prayed" when it comes to her.

Plus it's a dangerous mental route to take right?

If there was no Peanut, would there have been no gastro? Was her birth the catalyst for all my health challenges?

If there was no Peanut, would there have been a spiritual crisis? Would I have questioned all the things? Would I be the believer I am today?

If there was no Peanut, would I have found my way in parenting? Would I have exhaled the breath I held from the moment they were born and just let them be who they were created to be?

Who knows right?

Because there is a Peanut...............

While I don't walk that mental route, I do walk others.

What if I hadn't stayed home?

What if I hadn't homeschooled them?

What if I had worked harder to show them diversity and love for all His people?

The What If's wander throughout the night.

What if is a dangerous road to take.

This morning my read talked about the story of the woman in the Bible who asks Jesus to heal her daughter.

And he tells her no.

Not just no, it really feels like a hell no right?

We Mama's all know what she does.

She doesn't turn around and go home. She doesn't waste time wondering "what if."

She says "I am worthy of being heard. My daughter is worthy of being healed."

She stands up to this Jesus.

And he heals her daughter.

She asks the hard "WHY not? "

There's something about becoming a Mama that gives you strength to talk back to Jesus.

I'm okay with Xman pondering, questioning.........he's just thinking out loud. And here is a safe place to wonder.

I know he loves Peanut. Fiercely.

Just like my Jesus is okay with my pondering, questioning.

He knows I love HIm. Fiercely.

I think Jesus likes women like the syrophoenician mother.

People who are willing to ask the hard questions.

Challenge the status quo.

Ask the "WHY not? "

Mama Warriors, I don't think there's space for the "what if" BUT there is space for the "WHY not?"

We can't change the path we've walked but we can surely make shifts on where we put our feet next.

We can set aside the "What if" and embrace the "Why not?"