Let's Be Better

 "The fear of being different is a terrible reason for a parent to avoid doing what her child needs her to do."

This morning Sweet Daddy took Peanut on a hike. She was super excited. Daddy daughter date to do one of her favorite things!

In Sweet Daddy's haste to caution her to watch for snakes, he instead concerned her. Peanut was very nervous about the hike and the possibility she may be injured by a snake.

Sweet Daddy tried to educate her about types of snakes, likelihood of her being injured by a snake, etc. She was still nervous.

While the reality of her being bitten by a snake was slim, it was still a very real worry for her.

Our first experience with anxiety therapy was by far the most helpful and educational for me. Our Xman was five years old and weekly we made the trek to Athens to meet with trained UGA psychologists and doctoral students.

On our first visit Marnie, our counselor, said to me "If he is worried or anxious about something,it is REAL to him. It doesn't matter if it is real to you or not."

That totally changed my approach to trying to help him.

You see we had spent a solid three years before that trying to reason with why he shouldn't be anxious.

We then switched gears and could say "This makes you nervous. That's okay. " And use our strategies to move forward.

I'm watching in my social media feed as we debate and argue and justify where we all stand on digital versus in person, masks versus no masks, the data, social justice, the everything.

Anytime I comment on any of these topics,within about 3 minutes I regret it. It always ends in a spiral of comments defending, justifying or arguing. Always.

I'm not going to debate the COVID crisis with anyone. My personal count is upwards of 20 now and my position will never be exactly the same as you.

Because my prayer list isn't the same as yours.

I am willing to have this conversation though - if the concern is real for someone else, it's real.

Whether you think it is or not.

Whether it's a real concern for you or not.

And when something is a real concern for someone else, the only right response is empathy.

If your child's teacher is concerned about returning to in person schooling, the worry is real for them.

If your neighbor is concerned about their mother shopping at Walmart, the worry is real for them.

If your friend is concerned about returning to church in person, the worry is real for them.

And when our people are worried, we don't say "You shouldn't worry about that."

Instead we say "I hear that you are concerned."

No but.

I think there's a blurry line between trying to "educate" each other into our viewpoint and making judgments about where others stand.

Mama Warriors, we don't have to share the same fears in order to have empathy for each other.

Tomorrow morning I have a dentist appointment. If you know me well, you know that I've already been anxious about this appointment for the entire six weeks it has been on the calendar.

I rationally understand that most of you go to the dentist for all these procedures without batting an eye. That for the majority of the population it is nothing that I should be worried or concerned about.

But I am.

For me, it exists.

In part because of my previous experiences, which are different than yours. But also just because it's who I am.

I don't tell people how anxious I get because I am often met with "oh,you'll be fine."

Let's be better with each other than "oh,you'll be fine."

Let's love our neighbors truly as ourselves.

Let's pour out empathy and kindness.

Compassion.

Let's rise above debating whether concerns are necessary and accept that for some, they exist. And therefore for those people they are real.

Let's love each other.