Less Comments, More Coffee

 “We want to go to God for answers, but sometimes what we get is God’s presence.”

― Nadia Bolz-Weber, Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner & Saint

While our new church is different in a lot of ways than the churches I grew up in, I find the presence of hymnals in the back of the pew oddly comforting.

A taste of home.

For regardless how bittersweet our relationship might be with home, it's still where we come from. It's the familiar.

As I opened the hymnal yesterday, I noticed the title of the section of hymns.

"The Christian Life"

I had to chuckle.

For you see, just that morning before church my social media feed was full of debate on what was and was not "Christian."

Saddening to me was the fact that the debate itself was not something I would label Christian.

In no way would I say being hateful or judgmental, being ugly or unkind to others, or putting up walls between people is "Christian."

I don't think we'd say Jesus excluded others. Or cared about political parties. Or talked before he listened.

I encourage my own people to go into any conversation with two main phrases.

Tell me more.

Consider this.

Always "tell me more" first. If your gut reaction is to go on the defense, or attack something someone just said. The response is "tell me more."

And then listen.

The problem I find with myself, and definitely my own children, is while I am trying to explain my viewpoint - they are formulating their defense in their minds. Which means they aren't really listening.

Think: am I building a bridge or assembling a wall?

And then, if you want to share your opinion, it's "Consider this."

If we want someone else to give our stance an honest chance at being heard - we must always listen first. And then present our side in a loving "consider this" view.

Build bridges.

Look for common ground.

Make space for different opinions.

Mama Warriors, I find we are all gung ho about America on the big holidays. Sporting our "Freedom" tshirts.

The thing is with that freedom comes the right to be different.

That should be COMFORTING to us.

We are each allowed to live into our own fearfully and wonderfully made journey.

These next few months are going to feel long and maybe you need to set some boundaries to walk gracefully through that.

I encourage you to comment less and get coffee together more.

Pulling that hymnal out of the pew this week reminded me of a time when in order for someone to know my opinion on something - they had to do life with me.

See me at church or Walmart.

Have facial expressions and tone, and reference for my thoughts.

Know my heart.

And thus if we had differences, that was okay. We could have a sporting conversation and still go through the pot luck together.

Technology has allowed us to take context out of conversations.

To make everything a monologue...........

A monologue you are judged on.

Less confrontational comments and posts.

More coffee.

I think that's how we successfully navigate not just an election year but any year.