Let go of the Shoes

"Wonder is the beginning of wisdom." Socrates

I bought this pair of tennis shoes more than 8 years ago at this point. It's the most I have ever spent on a pair of shoes for myself. Ever. 

I went to one of those places where they had you try on different shoes, run in place, walk. Some shoe expert then told me what kind of shoes would best fit my feet and my walk. I put them on and she sent me out to the parking lot to do a lap in them before committing to buying them. 

I loved them. 

I've worn them to the point where there are multiples holes. Including that one coming up from the toe. 

For a season, they were perfect for me. 

They are no longer the most comfortable shoes, but yet I continue to wear them. 

They were expensive. I invested in them. 

I've noticed this is a common theme in my life. 

I hold onto things that used to work well for me, but no longer do. 

I have trouble with change. Letting go. Starting new. I have trouble admitting I NEED something different. 

I've had to slowly embrace that just because something has always been doesn't necessarily mean its best for now. 

Up until last week, I used to try really hard to clean the kitchen before I went to bed. 

Peanut and I lay down early together and wind down an hour or so before she goes to bed. We watch a show, we parallel read, we snuggle. 

All of my people have frequently not eaten dinner by the time Peanut and I are ready for snuggle time. 

Or, my people did eat dinner and somehow still manage to dirty up ten dishes between bedtime and my morning. 

So each morning, I was waking either feeling guilty that I didn't get things cleaned before bed. Or feeling angry that I sacrificed my snuggle time and there is still a mess. 

I decided this weekend that it really doesn't bother me to wake to a dirty kitchen (I know, all you Fly Lady clean folks are freaking out - no one tell my mom). I was up at 5:45 yesterday morning. I cleaned the kitchen in the quiet hours. I put on a sermon. I made tea. I made a plan for dinner. By the time Peanut got up, I had finished most of the chores I wanted to tackle and was ready to begin my school day. I was also grounded as I fed my soul while doing so. 

Changing a routine to something that works best for ME seems so obvious but then it involves embracing that I might do things differently than you. 

That what works me, in this season, is different than what works for you. 

Mama Warriors, we are all making changes right now. Figuring out what works best for us, for our kids, for our people, for NOW in this season. 

Just because you've always done something this way, doesn't mean it's the best way for YOU in this season. 

I think there's great value in self reflection. What is working? What is not working? 

Over these last few months, I've noticed there are MANY changes I need to make for ME. 

Maybe you have noticed that your home needs changes as well. 

I think the beginning of wisdom is when we begin to wonder - what could my life look like? 

Be willing to tune into your gut and make the choices that are best for YOU in this season. 

Know that others may judge you for your dirty kitchen while you sleep, but that's okay. My dirty kitchen doesn't affect you. 

We could replace dirty kitchen with any number of things these days - digital learning, in person learning, mask wearing, which lives matter statements, the role of the police, and more. 

Others may judge and we have to reach a place where we don't place value on external judgement but rather internal peace. 

If something isn't working for YOU, then it's not working.