Stand Out

"Our boys are born with great potential for nurturing, caring, loving and serving. Let's stop training it out of them."

Yesterday was the first day of co-op classes for the Xman. He had classes at two different locations, with two different co-ops. We had long discussions about new procedures at both before leaving home. 

We discussed masks. In co-op A, they were "highly encouraged" but not required at all. In co-op B, they were mandatory in transitions or if teachers requested but optional during class otherwise if social distancing was able to occur. We discussed how not only does it make it safer for him, BUT it also makes it safer for others. 

He got out of my van with his mask on at both places. 

In co-op A he wore it  into class, no one else wore it, and he took it off. 

At co-op B he wore it into class, the majority of people were continuing to wear theirs, and he wore it the whole class. 

Teenagers are very much pack animals. Go with the crowd (as a whole). 

If we are honest with ourselves, adults aren't much different. 

It's hard to stand out. To go against the crowd. 

To be true to who YOU are regardless of what everyone else is doing. 

I feel like we've been fighting against the grain most of his life. As a toddler he loved to play dress up. He put on his sister's dresses, clumped around in her high heel shoes, and even wore a tiara from time to time. I fought family who thought that would affect his sexuality in some way. I'm not sure how Snow White shoes change who God made a kid to be, but that's a soapbox for another day. I let him try out all kinds of pretend play. He also liked to be a cowboy, an astronaut, a baseball player. He liked putting on all the different hats and pretending. How will our boys learn who they are if we give them gender roles at the age of 2? One of Sweet Daddy's best characteristics is the man can clean a bathroom and run  a washing machine. I'm just saying. 

In kindergarten I went in for a conference because a kid made fun of him for wearing a pink shirt. Made him cry. Called him ugly things. Kids don't naturally think there are boy colors or girl colors so I"ll spare you my soapbox on ignorant parenting. His very cool uncle (married to his aunt) wore a pink shirt for Easter and he wanted one too. Somehow I'm the parent that got called in. How will our boys learn who they are if we give them stereotypical boundaries? 

On a trip to the cabbage patch factory we bought him a doll because he asked for one. He lovingly changed him and slept with him for weeks. "Boys don't play with dolls" I was told after posting a picture of him with his new doll. How will our boys learn to be nurturing dads if we stop the imaginative  play that nurtures that part of their soul? 

There was the baseball coach who told a very young sad player that boys don't cry. How will our boys learn to navigate their emotions if we never let them have them? I hope there are many times in life he lets himself cry. Moments of great joy. Moments of extreme sadness. 

It's no wonder that our society is having a hard time raising good men. 

I'm trying to define a "good man" differently than it has been done. 

I desire our Xman to be kind, nurturing, empathetic, loving AND strong. I don't think those things are opposites but rather companions. 

And to be those things in today's world, he's going to have to be willing to go against the pack. 

To be different when everyone else is the same. 

And I understand how challenging what I am asking of him is. 

I need him to wear the mask when no one else does because HE has already decided that is what is best for everyone. 

I need him to be able to hold strong to his own convictions in a society that operates with quicksand values. 

I need him to look inward when he makes decisions, not around. 

Mama Warriors, most of MY parenting struggles are because I desire to change the heart and not the behavior. 

I hope the behavior will follow but ultimately it's the heart I want changed. 

Often times that means that I have hard conversations. 

Other times it means that I have to let the natural consequences of choices take their place. 

I desire for our children to love God and love His people. 

And that's often going to require wearing the mask when no one else does. 

It's going to require being different. Standing out. 

It's going to require wearing the pink shirt because you like it. Or rocking a sweet newborn because you are excited to be somebody's dad or uncle. Or doing the job God called you to do regardless of what hat it calls you to wear. 

When I struggle with anything in parenting, I try to start with asking myself - what about this bothers ME? What does it stir in me? 

While I no longer struggle as much with needing to fit in (welcome to your 40s where I seriously don't care much about what other people think - it's fabulous!) , I do still struggle with not wanting to swim against the current in our own little pool. I don't want to have the hard conversations about how different my heart is than those that are often the closest to us. 

I don't want to wear the mask in a room where no one thinks they are needed. 

I firmly believe that's what the New Testament calls us to do. 

Serve the people who no one else wants to serve. Love the people who no one else wants to love. Stop judging the people that everyone else is judging. 

Be willing to be different. 

Stand out.